Silence in the Stacks
by jillbetsonalice
Summary: AU Edward works in a library, he leads a relatively uninteresting life...that is until Bella walks into his library one rainy Tuesday. She will change his life...the question is: Will it be for the better? I do not own these character. Stephenie Meyer doe
1. Chapter 1

**Edward's POV**

**-____________**

_Stamp inkpad, stamp book, put on cart/ stamp inkpad, stamp book, put on cart. Repeat as needed until brain begins to ooze out of ears. _

I did enjoy my job, it would have been wrong to say that I absolutely hated it. Still, just like any other job, there were parts I loved and there were parts I hated. Stamping books back into circulation was one of the things I completely detested. Though it was nice when I had to travel to the second floor to put books away because I could conveniently "get lost" and spend a good amount of time hidden away in a corner reading one of the rare manuscripts we kept on hand. If I timed it right I could get twenty to twenty-five minutes in before the familiar, and painstakingly annoying voice of Jessica Stanley would filter over the intercom.

_No, filter is too kind of a word. She raped that sound system without looking it in the eyes or calling the next morning._

"Edward to the front desk please, Edward Cullen to the front desk." She tried to sound like a sexy seductress but she came off like a shot-wound streetwalker.

I'd put away the book that I had been so invested in and relocate my cart with the one squeaky wheel…_god damn, I hated that wheel_…. Then I'd begrudgingly make my way to the elevator and back down to the main lobby where more books would, no doubt, be waiting for me.

So what did I exactly enjoy about my job in the local library? Well, I liked the smell of books especially old ones. The new ones tended to smell a bit too much like glue for my liking. I enjoyed being sent on cleaning missions because that meant I could, once again, get lost in the stacks. And I really enjoyed making displays in the front cases about upcoming attractions, author signings, release parties, and much more.

Then there were the obvious aspects such as:

- It was pretty good pay

- It was way better than flipping burgers

- Bleach blondes with fake boobs rarely graced libraries

There were obvious downsides as well

- I worked at a library so it never really got too exciting

- I felt guilty about driving my car the mile it took to get from my apartment to the library so I rode a bike no matter if it was rain or shine.

- No pot allowed on the premises

- Just kidding about the pot.

- Or am I?

- Customer complaints about late fees were always very abundant.

- Did I mention I rode my bike to work?

All in all though it really did beat flipping burgers.

-------------------------

"Edward! I dyed my hair what do you think?" Jessica's annoying voice was the first sound I heard as I walked into the library. It was a normal, rainy, Tuesday morning as I pulled my soaked jacket off my shoulders and proceeded to rid my unruly hair of any stubborn moisture. I made sure to aim my head in Jessica's direction. I finally looked up to see her normally mousey brown hair dyed a very bright platinum blonde.

_Perfect._

"It's great!" I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. It really was great, it completely solidified the fact that, no matter how drunk I was (and I mean I would have to be very, very, very, drunk. Possibly drunk and on some form of very strong hallucinogenic) I would never sleep with Jessica Stanley.

_Edward Cullen definitely preferred brunettes. _

It was a gross day outside which meant not many people would be venturing out of their homes. Then again, rainy days were always the perfect reading days in my opinion.

"I wonder if we'll be busy today?" Jessica said, trying her hardest to make conversation. I gave her a smirk, I didn't want to seem like a jerk. I wasn't mean, I was just very uninterested.

"It's possible. It all depends on the rain and if it gets any worse." I said as I made my way to the break room in search of coffee.

"Morning Edward." Michael greeted me as I grabbed my mug from the cabinet and poured my normal cup of black coffee.

"Morning." I said, still a little groggy and not feeling like being conversational. Michael was a squirrelly guy ten years my senior, he was also my supervisor which gave him another reason to feel like he could boss me around. To be quite honest, I didn't mind being bossed around that much. Michael seemed like he had his job and that was it. He was unmarried, didn't even have a car, and lived in a crappy apartment that he could barely afford. I wished more for him, and I wished even more to never be exactly like him.

Michael looked at me with a suspicious glare over the frames of his thick, silver glasses. He took a quick sniff in my direction which made me lean away a bit as I stirred a sugar packet into my bitter coffee.

"Shower broken again Edward?" He quipped. I sniffed my long sleeved shirt and was displeased to find that I smelled less like my cologne and more like a wet dog who had rolled in a dead gerbil and sweaty hookers.

_Cheap hookers to be exact._

"I guess I pick up a lot of interesting odors bicycling through the rain to work." I said with a shrug. Michael chuckled matter-of-factly and laid a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to seem fatherly.

"Transportation is not an excuse for bad hygiene, Edward. I bike to work every morning and I don't smell like an animal." He leaned in, "The trick is keeping a bottle of cologne on you at all times." He whispered with a final clap to my shoulder.

_Yes, I aspire to smell like a cross between a funeral home and that one uncle that no one talks about until he shows up at the reunion drinking cheap Scotch out of the bottle and wearing a suit with the price tag still on it…yeah you know the one I'm talking about. _

"Thanks for the advice." I said as I threw the spoon into the sink and walked out of the break room eager to avoid anymore "advice" sessions. I made my way through the main room of the library turning on lights as I went. My destination was the front desk and I was determined to get there with as few interruptions from Jessica or Michael as possible. The storm that was rolling into our small town was becoming more violent with each passing minute and I half hoped that no one would come in so I could get paid to sit at the desk and read all day long.

I reached my destination, pulled out the battered leather chair, and sat down. I hadn't encountered Jessica since the break room and I secretly fantasized that Michael had put her to work cataloging issues of "National Geographic" that were older than her.

Sighing happily I pulled out my much abused copy of Virgil's "Doomed Love" and began to read the material that I had, basically memorized. I almost thought about turning on the radio but then I realized that it was comforting to sit there with a familiar book as the heavy rain pelted the thickly paned windows. Thunder started to rumble loudly adding a nice percussion section to the rhythmic symphony that was raging outside.

I was enjoying the peace and quiet, not caring where my co-workers were just pleased that they weren't bothering me, when my cell phone went off rather loudly signaling that I had a new text message.

"_Dude! Tell your crazy sister to stop burning my clothes. I don't have 9234 pairs of jeans like she does. _

_**From: **__Jasper" _

I laughed at my best friend's expense. That's what he got for being hopelessly in love with my crazy, pixie-like, goal oriented, stepsister.

My cell phone dinged again,

"_OMG EDWARD! If u don't take Jazz shopping soon he's not going to have n e more clothes to wear! Ugh! At least u learned to listen to me about fashion a LONG time ago. I don't know what I'd do if I had to take care of 2 fashion challenged neanderthals 24/7._

_**From: **__Alice"_

I laughed out loud and the sound was a bit scary in the silent library. It was true that I had a fairly boring job, and an average apartment, but if it was one thing I had in my life that was NOT average it was my friends and my family… and I would never trade any of them for anything.

For starters there were my parents:

Esme Masen Cullen, my beautiful mother who was quite possibly the nicest person on the face of the planet. I had never heard her raise her voice to anyone and I would take the day she said a swear word any worse than "dammit" as a sign of the apocalypse. My mother had long brown hair and large doe-like eyes. She had previously been married to one Mark Masen (and yes he was just a big of a tool as his name suggested) my biological father. I cringed anytime I thought of that fucking bastard. He was now rotting in a jail cell for a drunk driving accident that he ran away from. Did I mention he left six year old me in the totaled car from said accident covered in apple juice scared shitless? Yeah, I really hoped he was taking it up the ass nightly now.

Then my mother had met Carlisle Cullen…Doctor Carlisle Cullen to be exact. The man was one of those rare, kindhearted, people that you are only fortunate to meet a handful of times in your life. He was tall and blonde with kind eyes and a soft voice (though he could sound quite authoritative when he needed to be). Carlisle worked as an emergency room doctor at the local hospital, he had also written several books on varying subjects and had inherited quite a bit of money from his father who had passed when Carlisle was twenty. To make a long story short Carlisle lived quite well and he made sure his family was well taken care of. My mother married Carlisle when I was nine years old and his daughter Alice was seven.

Oh, Alice…

Alice Cullen was one of those rare gems that either belongs as a loveable sidekick or as a patient in a mental institution. She had short, spiky, black hair that I assumed she got from her biological mother who had skipped town on the back of a Harley that had belonged to a woman with a fairly convincing five o'clock shadow, when Alice was two. Alice also had a voice that could carry so well that I could perfectly understand her shrieks all the way upstairs in the closed bathroom with the radio up full blast and the shower running. She was as kind as her father and had a passion for living that was unmatched by anyone I had ever met. She was loving, smart, and acted like she was on crack most of the day (which was probably one of the most appealing things about her). I wondered, on more than one occasion, if she didn't shoot up straight black coffee at the breakfast table. Most of the time, growing up, Alice was perfectly content to skip about the house singing songs to herself, ones that she had more than likely made up. She also loved to shop constantly and I feared that her credit cards would just one day cut themselves up in hopes they would find peace. The good thing was that Alice did have very good taste. The bad thing was that, prior to meeting Jasper, she had focused all of her attention on fixing my wardrobe. It wasn't that I didn't mind the clothes it was that it wasn't exactly easy to fold my six-foot-something frame into her tiny yellow Porsche and her choice of music wasn't always pleasing to my ears. You can imagine my delight when Jasper had happened along.

Jasper Hale was a simple, goodhearted man that I had met in college in a history course. We had hit it off when he made a comment about our boring professor looking like Teddy Roosevelt which had resulted in my Diet Coke spewing out of my nose. He played guitar, was from Texas, and fell hopelessly for my sister the moment he had met her. Alice had also been smitten the moment she had laid eyes on the Texan. I had, of course, silently rejoiced that Jasper would be taking my place as Alice's living shopping bag carrier. Jasper was tame, Alice was bat shit crazy, and they were absolutely perfect for each other.

I was enjoying a trip down memory lane, my cup of hot coffee, and my choice in literature for the day when the bell on the front door dinged loudly. It was the first sound I had heard in a good while and it startled me into spilling some of my coffee onto the desk,

"Shitfuckdamn." I cursed as quietly as I could manage as I mopped up the spill with the roll of paper towels I found in the third drawer.

I looked up from my spill to see a young woman around my age perusing the shelves in front of me.

"Good morning." I said.

She said nothing.

"Is there anything specific you're looking for?" I asked a bit louder, maybe she just hadn't heard me.

She turned enough so that I could see her face. I could see that her eyes were a deep brown and her lips were pale. She shook her head "no" and went back to her perusing.

I walked out from behind the desk and made my way toward her. She was very interesting looking, beautiful in her own way.

"Gross day out isn't it?" I asked, trying my hardest to start a conversation.

_Dear God, I'm starting to act like Jessica._

She said absolutely nothing.

She picked up a book called, "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime" and began to skim through it.

"That's a really good book. I bet you'll love it. It's different." I said.

She nodded once and that was it.

"Well if you need anything my name is Edward…and…yeah…" I fumbled and walked back over to the desk.

She continued to browse the stacks and I continued to wonder what the hell was wrong with me. I didn't smell THAT badly and, as far as I knew, I hadn't said anything offensive.

"You know if it keeps raining like this we're going to have to build an ark." I laughed a bit.

_Did I just make a fucking biblical joke? What the hell? _

She said nothing.

"Good morning!" Jessica asked mystery girl as she passed her on the way to my desk.

The girl still said nothing.

Good, maybe it wasn't just me after all.

_Then again Jessica's voice may just be too high to register with certain people_

"Edward I need the author list for this month so I can update the calendar." She said. I handed it over without looking Jessica in the eyes. I was too busy trying to figure out the one patron of the library.

"Thanks." Jessica lingered for a few moments, realized I wasn't interested at that time, and left in a huff.

Finally the girl made her way back up to the front desk where I was seated. She had "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime" as well as a few others. I was happy to see that she had kept the first one.

"Do you have a library card?" I asked.

She shook her head "no" without looking up at me.

"Well could you fill this out for me really quick then?" I asked pushing a form her way.

_If you just want to put 'Ice Bitch' under the name I'll know it's you. _I thought.

She pushed the finished form my way and I printed her out a card.

"So are you new here? I don't think I've seen you around before." I said. I wanted her to say SOMETHING, anything at all. I didn't care if she only said "yes" or if she said "fuck off asshole" I really didn't care. I just wanted her to speak.

She nodded once and I snapped the pencil I was holding in two out of frustration. I glanced at the card at her name.

"Well Bella Swan I hope you enjoy these." I said as I scanned her selections. The beep of the scanner was the only sound I heard, "These are due back by next Tuesday." I said.

She took the books from me and began walking toward the exit.

"Have a nice day!" I called.

She said nothing and the doorbell dinged once again signaling her departure.

"What just happened?" I asked myself. Had I not had a date in so long that women wouldn't even SPEAK to me now?

"Hi!!" Jessica called as she passed through on her way to the filing cabinet.

_Obviously not._ I thought, _Unless…_ I shook my thoughts questioning Jessica's sexuality out of my mind.

_Guess she was just a bitch. I concluded._

_But I had some strange feeling I was wrong._


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: WOW! Thanks for all the feedback here and on lion_lamb. It really means a lot. I always want to write more when I get reviews. As just a little disclaimer I'd like to say that I mean no offense to anyone with whatever I may write. There is a lot of swearing in this story (I'm making Edward a bit more of a smartass)…I think in this chapter alone he says the 'F' word over 50 times but it's all in good fun. I also apologize to Madonna for making fun of her (she was the first celebrity to come to mind). So you have been warned, the humor is dark and the language is bad and there is sex and drinking and all that other fun stuff…that's why it's rated M. _**

**Read & Review PLEASE!**

**And enjoy!**

**XOXO**

**- Jill**

**Edward's POV**

--------------------

Other than the girl that I just could get out of my mind the library had remained fairly empty for the remainder of the work day. The storm had hit it's peak at around three in the afternoon, concluding it's uproarious symphony with howling winds and torrential downpours so heavy that I could barely see the cars driving cautiously by outside. It was all quiet on the western front, however, as I flipped the library sign to "CLOSED" at five o'clock sharp. I stared out the thick glass of the front door into the quiet streets of the city. Branches were strewn about all over the place and I thought about what a bitch it would be to navigate my way home in such a mess. It'd be like trying to fuck Madonna without wanting to put a bag over her head. . .period.

Still, as I stared pointlessly into the oncoming evening I couldn't get the girl from that morning out of my head. What had been her problem? I obviously didn't have that effect on all women,

_Unless Jessica is hiding a penis that I'm unaware of. _I thought with a shudder.

The girl had been so quiet and so withdrawn that it had almost been pathetic, and I would have probably felt sorry for her if she hadn't pissed me off so badly. I wanted to know WHY she hadn't said a single word the entire time she had been in the library. Sure, it would have been fine if she had wanted to browse in silence but she hadn't even given me a "good morning" or a "thank you" throughout our entire encounter. It bugged me and I hated being bugged. I was so intrigued that I had made some alterations to my schedule so I was scheduled to work the next Tuesday when she was bound to bring the books she had checked out back.

_This is how stalkers start, Edward._ I thought to myself as I tried to remember her appearance as well as I could.

She had been pretty in a way that seemed to be a sort of lost art form nowadays. Now, it seemed, the more girls looked like a Barbie doll that had been caked in cooking oil and left out on the surface of the sun to bake into the exact color and texture (and sometimes, to my dismay, the scent) of beef jerkey the "prettier" they were. If that was pretty then I wanted as ugly as you could possibly get. I loved girls who looked like they actually knew the meaning of a word as complex as, "because" and who didn't judge their self worth by how far they could stick a banana down their throat or how fast they could tie a cherry stem in a knot with their tongue. Bella didn't seem like the kind of girl to judge fruit to throat ratio.

I wanted to know why she had been such a cold-hearted bitch to me. Was it just because she really was a bitch? Maybe. Maybe she just didn't like men. Maybe she was a lesbian! That would be fine with me, I had nothing against lesbians. Lesbians were cool! In fact, they were on the short list of people I DID like. They were listed right before the lady that still gave me candy at the bank and right after my grandma who forgot when my birthday was so she would send me twenty bucks at random intervals throughout the year. Maybe she was deaf. No, that couldn't be it, she had nodded when I had asked her questions.

Maybe she could just read lips really well.

Maybe she was foreign.

Maybe she was an alien sent here to piss me off.

Maybe she was a ghost.

Then again, Jessica had talked to her, and she had opened the door. Most ghosts were content to just glide through solid surfaces.

Maybe she was a fancy ghost.

Maybe she was so floored by my good looks and her immediate desire to fuck me that she had been rendered speechless.

_Maybe you're an idiot and should realize that you smell like a wet dog and your hair is so disheveled and thick that it probably wouldn't be a shock if a friendly wood nymph hopped out of it, tipped his hat with a friendly "Evenin'!", gave a wink and ambled off to grab the daily paper… _I thought.

Maybe she was a dude and wanted to conceal her manly voice.

Maybe I had, somehow, pissed her off in a past life.

Maybe…

"Hi Edward! Ready to go?!" Jessica's shrill, unexpected, voice about made me piss my pants.

"Jesus-tittie-fucking-Christ Jessica!" I exclaimed loudly. Her eyes widened at my outburst as if I had just stepped on a puppy,

"I'll take that as a yes." She squeaked. Michael followed her as they exited the building,

"Might want to lay off the caffeine, Edward. It's making you a little jumpy." Michael said as I closed the door behind me and allowed him to lock it. I ran a hand through my chaotic hair as we walked down the steps,

"I'll keep that in mind." I said quietly as I folded a piece of gum into my mouth. Thought I was fairly certain that the day I gave up caffeine would be the day I would shrivel up and die.

"Goodnight guys!" Jessica said as she skipped off toward her black Grand Prix. I always knew it was hers by the pink fuzzy dice swinging annoyingly from the rearview mirror and the black seat covers with the large, red cherries embroidered on them.

I unchained my old bicycle and climbed on. The seat was wet and I knew I had a joke about pissing myself coming my way from either Jasper or Alice whenever I got home. They didn't live with me, I just had a suspicion that they would be present whenever I unlocked my front door.

"Have a goodnight Mike." I said as I pushed off and began to pedal my way home. The trek wasn't as bad as I had formally anticipated. It was way easier to navigate through branch covered streets when I was sober as opposed to being totally inebriated. And yes, I did know how difficult it was to do it totally sloshed.

I took the ride home as an opportunity to think up more reasons as to why Silent Girl had been so…well…silent.

_Maybe you're just a fucking creeper who should swear off girls. Maybe you should try guys. _I thought to myself. I shook my head, _That would take too much time and I'd be no good at it_

I mean how do you even anticipate differences in guys' penises? I had spent most of puberty looking at a wide array of different breasts and other beautiful parts of women's figures. Besides, the only other penis I had ever seen had been Jasper's and that had only happened because of A)Boredom B)Way too much alcohol C)A dare and D)A shocking need to battle at that precise moment and a severe lack of swords. Put it this way, my sister still can never see a sword fight without laughing.

_You're a sick fuck._ I told myself.

I coasted into my apartment complex severely pissing off the driver who had been attempting to make a left hand turn into a 'DO NOT ENTER' section of street.

"I knew it." I muttered as I saw my sister's flashy yellow Porsche parked out in front of my building. "Alice sure doesn't like anything ostentatious now does she?" I said sarcastically to myself. I parked my bicycle on the bike rack, gave my Volvo a little pat and then stood there for a second staring at Alice's car. I thought for a moment and then signed my own death sentence by taking my gum out of my mouth and sticking it to the hood of her precious little vehicle. With a chuckle I took to the stairs and began the climb up the three flights to my beloved apartment.

My apartment really wasn't much but it wasn't exactly drab either. Carlisle always wanted Alice and I to feel like we would be taken care of but not spoiled and the good doctor always seemed to find a happy medium. (Okay, okay, our vehicles weren't exactly a happy medium. Carlisle had gone a little overboard with Alice's car and mine as well. He liked things that went fast and looked pretty and Alice's yellow Porsche and my silver Volvo had filled both requirements.) It was a one bedroom, one bath place with a nice kitchen and spacious living room. Alice had, of course, insisted on decorating (and, in the end, I was glad she had) so most of my possessions matched and I had a full set of towels and dishes.

I unlocked the door and let myself in,

"Finally!" My sister's ever happy voice filled my ears instead of the nice quiet I usually came home to. Jasper was walking out of the kitchen with a drink in his hand,

"I'm sorry man, I tried to stop her but she is a persistent little…thing." He said with an intense look of apology on his face. I liked when Jasper talked, he had a nice southern drawl that he hadn't lost in his time away from the South. It was an oddly soothing sound to hear which was probably why I enjoyed playing guitar with him so much. Alice took her purple high heels off of my coffee table and sprang up quickly with a giddy smile on her face,

"Been dipping into the cocaine again, Alice?" I asked with a stifled chuckle as I tried to make my to the kitchen. I was pixie-blocked however by my four-foot-something sister who had the most mischievous look plastered on her tiny features,

"Go change we're going out!" She sang. I shook my head,

"You can go out, I just had a hellish day and I'm not going anywhere." I said trying to push past her. She was unbelievably strong, however, for such a tiny thing.

"I don't think so." She said shoving me back. I landed with an 'oomph' against my wall.

"Okay been dipping into the cocaine AND steroids?" I said rubbing my shoulder from where the elf had slugged me.

"Rough day hmm? Seems like you need to go to 'The Pub'." She said with a wink. Jasper just laughed his 'you-are-on-your-own.' laugh and concentrated on draining his soda and watching my failing attempts at escape.

Ah, 'The Pub'. The place Alice, Jasper, and myself went when we needed to get thoroughly hammered. The joint was just the location for college students and twenty-somethings to go and drown their sorrows in cheap alcohol that may or may not have been illegal at some point in time. They had something for every sort of drinker: Margarita Mondays, Tequila Tuesdays, Whiskey Wednesdays, Thirsty Thursdays (random drink specials throughout the night), Fuck-it-all Fridays, Shit-I-can't-remember-my-name Saturdays…and they were closed on Sundays. You know, for church and all that sort of fuckery.

"It's Tuesday! That means Tequila Tuesday and that also means no way Alice. You know what happens with me and Tequila…we don't exactly have that steady of a relationship. I get all weird and fucked." I said. Alice just giggled, which was usually her answer for everything,

"Maybe it's about time you got fucked!" She cheered. Jasper choked on an ice cube. I glared at her viciously.

To be more specific nights that involved me drinking Tequila always started out nice. Tequila always deceived me, it always made me think it was going to be all nice and loving but it usually turned nasty very quickly and I'd end up being it's bitch while it fucked me over just for the hell of it.

_Tequila was an evil, sadistic, bitch._

"Alice…" I groaned but she pouted. I couldn't stand it when she pouted no matter what age she was. I looked to Jasper for help but the Texan wasn't about to say a word. It was me against the pixie and I had the feeling it wasn't so much an invitation to go drink with them as it was a blatant order.

"Come on Edward. Just got changed and we'll go and you can tell us all about your awful day." She said with a smile. She had a point, a drink and a conversation couldn't exactly hurt.

"Fine, you maniacal little bush baby." I growled. My sister bounced and I stalked off to my room to change into some pub appropriate clothes.

Five minutes later we were on our way to our favorite drinking place which was conveniently located within walking distance of my apartment. Alice babbled on and on about her classes as we walked the short distance to the bar. She was working on her senior year of college and was hell bent on getting out of there with a 4.0. I never anticipated she would have any sort of problem with getting straight A's. Just because Alice was hyper didn't mean she wasn't smart.

Jasper pushed open the familiar doors of the bar and allowed Alice and I took walk in ahead of him. He was always such a gracious bastard. Alice skipped off toward the jukebox and Jasper and I made our way to the bar,

"So what was so bad about today?" Jasper asked me as we sat down and ordered the night's special. The bartender poured a tequila shot for each of us and I looked at mine with obvious uncertainty. I thought about walking out of the bar and just going home but I was fairly certain Alice would have been waiting to drag me back again. So, with a big "Fuck it." I downed the shot swiftly then followed it up with the salt and the lemon and an audible "GAH!"

"I don't know if it should have bothered me as much as it did but…there was this girl." I said,

"A girl at the library? You don't say" Jasper said with a chuckle. I punched his arm playfully,

"Let me finish. This girl comes in and she won't say a word to me! Not even a "hello" or a "thank you" or anything, she's just completely silent the entire time." I complained to Jasper. Another shot met my lips and I was fairly certain my sober, rational side, threw his hands up in the air, gave up and went home while my drunk, irrational self began to emerge.

"Sounds like a bitch." Jasper said taking his second shot as well. I nodded a few times beginning to feel all nice and warm,

"You see that was what I thought too. I just thought she was another fucking bitch that didn't want to waster her fucking time to even fucking say hi to me." I drawled. Apparently I said "fuck" much, much, more when I was nearing the point of being hammered.

"If that was WHAT you thought. What do you think now?" Jasper said ordering up two more shots for us. I shook my head for a second, severely pondering what I actually did think.

"I think she's beautiful man." I said, "I mean really, really, beautiful. I didn't see all of her but what I did see was really pretty. I think may she's just shy, maybe she's foreign. I don't know, I have a whole list of possibilities." I said with a slight slur,

"You should probably try and talk to her again. Practice makes perfect." Jasper said trying to make as much sense as was possible.

"You know, I think you're right. I'm going to be try and be really nice, I think that's the best route to take. Maybe she'll like me then…she's really beautiful Jasper. I think." I tipped my third shot to my lips, thought about it for a second, and did it anyway.

…and that was all I remembered.

I regained consciousness some time later with my head stuck in my toilet and the strong stench of my own vomit filtering in through my nose. I glanced around me and saw the familiar eyes of my sister staring at me as she held my hair back.

"I thought guys did this for girls." I said with a laugh. She smiled at me,

"I think it can work both ways. You need to throw up more, I know you have more in you than that." She said. And, without another moment's hesitation, I threw up the rest of my stomach's contents into the porcelain bowl.

"What happened?" I croaked as I flushed the evidence down the drain and stood up on my own two wobbly feet.

"You and Jasper had about three tequila shots each. Which would have been fine if you hadn't downed them all in about fifteen minutes. Then you two proceeded to wander up on stage and sing and play guitar….well, actually, surprisingly well." She said handing me a toothbrush complete with toothpaste. I began to brush vigorously to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth,

"We 'id wha'?! Wha' 'id we 'ing?!" I asked with a mouth full of toothpaste. I was impressed that Alice was able to understand me perfectly,

"You slurred a song about a girl named Bella. Um…something like, 'Just give me a voice to go with your eyes, a sweet melody to open the skies. I don't got all night babe, no, I'll run out of rhyme. Silence is golden, yes, silence is golden, but even gold can tarnish with time.' It was pretty poetic whatever the hell it was you were saying." Alice said. I spit the toothpaste into the sink, ran the water for a second, and shut it off.

"I don't remember that at all." I said wiping my mouth with a towel. Alice smirked,

"I wouldn't expect you to. You were severely plastered. Jasper was following rather well on the guitar though, which surprised me considering he normally doesn't like to play other people's guitars when he's sober." She told me. I nodded,

"When did we leave?" I asked her. I was starting to come back to reality and I was feeling slightly embarrassed for singing about a girl I didn't even know.

"Uh…well, people really liked your song and Jasper's playing and they clapped so much afterwards that Jasper felt the need to pull his pants down…so we left." She said. My eyes widened and I laughed,

"So where is the no-pants-Texan?" I asked with a chuckle,

"Passed out on your bed still in his boxers." She said with her hands on her hips, "Next time, let me at least get ONE drink in before you two start your shenanigans." She scolded.

"Sorry, Alice." She rolled her eyes and hugged me quickly before skipping off toward the kitchen.

"I was going to make Jazz some toast…would you like some?" She asked. I needed to put something in my stomach,

"Sure." I called. I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands.

I needed to know why she haunted my thoughts.

And I secretly wondered if she would haunt my dreams.

**Bella's POV**

The floor lamp was emitting a low humming noise that was oddly comforting. I could hear Charlie snoring in the next room, exactly 32 snores per minutes. He had left the television on and I could hear the music to the opening credits of 'The Andy Griffith Show'. So much noise for the nighttime, so much noise when it should have been silent.

I held the almost finished book in my hands. He had been right, I had really liked the story. It was different, and I liked different. I would read it three more times before returning it to the library.

I stopped for a moment and thought about the boy in the library. I hadn't really looked at him, it was difficult for me to make eye contact. I wondered why he had been so nice to me…it always made things so much harder when people were nice to me.

His voice had been a kind, tired, bass. It had been colored with nerves and a hint of confusion. I liked the way he chuckled. It was nice.

He smelled like coffee and books, two of my favorite things.

He had green eyes.

And he had said 'Hello'.

It was sad that I wouldn't know how our voices would sound together. I desperately wanted to know how our 'hellos' would have meshed. Like rock n' roll and piano music I figured.

It would be too hard for him to understand. It would be best for me to just remain silent.

Silence is golden after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Once again I was blown away by the reviews! Thank you all so much and I'm glad to see you all are as excited about this story as I am. There are a couple of questions that have been popping up on here and other places that I post this. 1) Did Bella hear Edward's song? - No. Bella is way too shy to venture out to a bar. She goes to the library and occasionally the store but mostly she stays at home. 2) Is Bella mute or is she just THAT shy? - Now you know I'm not going to answer that question here. Though I promise you will find out more in the next two chapters. 3) Bella's POV plz? - I did enjoy writing Bella's POV. Though I enjoy Edward's far too much…especially funny Edward. But the next chapter will be primarily through Bella's eyes so there is something to look forward to. 4) Why is Edward being mean? - He's not really being MEAN he's just…unaware. This chapter will show a more sensitive side to Edward that is begging to come out but is just…afraid to. He's afraid to let his guard down is what it is. **

**Enjoy as always and review please! **

**XOXO **

**- Jill**

**PS - Again, the humor is harsh and I apologize to any celebrity I may offend. **

**Edward's POV**

It took me hours to fall asleep. By the time my tired eyes finally gave up the fight and closed the light of a new morning was bleeding through my curtains and Alice's alarm on her cell phone was going off. I always had mixed feelings when it came to seeing the sun come up. On one hand it melted away all of the mistakes that were made the previous night. Watching the sun come up can give you a sense of renewal. It was as if everything you had done wrong during the night was ancient history.

_Whether it was driving too fast when there was a cop right behind you…_

…_Or yelling at your girlfriend when you knew you shouldn't have…_

…_Or even pulling your pants down in a bar because people liked your guitar playing. _

Then there was the other way to view the sun coming up. Sometimes, when I was feeling particularly panicky about my life, seeing the sun come up would almost cause me to have a nervous breakdown. There was something about the retreating darkness of the calm night and the encroaching light of a new day that occasionally made me feel like my life was completely meaningless.

_Why hadn't I done more with my day?_

_What if this was my last day? _

_What if I didn't accomplish anything with my life? _

_Why am I wasting air? _

But that panic was rare and I was glad for that.

-----------------

I was beginning to relax and drift off into oblivion when Alice and Jasper came bustling in the living room. They were trying to be quiet, I would give them that much, but telling Alice to be quiet was like putting butter in front of Paula Dean and telling her not to eat it…it just wasn't going to happen.

"Why did I pull down my pants exactly?" Jasper whispered groggily. Alice giggled as she walked past me into the kitchen.

"You thought it would be the perfect way to end your performance. Think of it as your encore, honey…or your little trumpeter's encore." She said. I couldn't help but smirk at my sister's comment.

"Little trumpeter?!" Jasper exclaimed. Alice shushed him immediately obviously aware of my need to be asleep. Jasper's voice dropped an octave as he defended his honor,

"On cold days he's at least a tuba player." He said quietly. I wanted to laugh at my best friend but I was too tired and too close to teetering on the edge between the sleep and dream worlds.

"Let's go, I need to make it to campus before all the parking spots are taken." Alice said. I heard her tiny footsteps growing closer. She bent down and kissed my wild hair…

_Which was extremely brave because I was fairly certain that it was entirely possible that a raccoon could pop out at any given time. I was convinced the wood nymph kept one as a pet. _

"Thanks for letting us stay. You're a lucky bastard for having the day off but don't forget that we're going to mom and dad's for dinner. Get some sleep, I'll call you later…love you." She whispered the best she could.

"Love you Al." I mumbled. I heard the door close and lock behind them and then I was gone into a dream world filled with old images and some new ones.

I dreamt about the crash. It was a common dream for me to have but, for some unknown reason, it seemed different this time. Usually when I dreamt about the drunk driving crash that had landed my "father" in jail I experienced it from the point of view of my young self. I experienced the flying glass, the screeching metal, the flying apple juice, and the cries that emanated from my own mouth. This time, however, I saw it all as an outsider. I saw everything so clearly from this newfound perspective:

_I saw the anger on the face of my asshole of a dad as he yelled at me for absolutely nothing._

_I saw the beer he was holding slosh over the sides of the glass as he swerved carelessly through the seemingly quiet streets. _

_I saw the blinding headlights of the sedan that was obeying the rules of the road. _

_I saw the care slam on it's brakes in a useless attempt at stopping fate._

_I saw the woman's face moments before my father swerved into her car demolishing the front end and most of the driver's side. _

_I saw the light drain from the same woman's eyes and I saw my father somehow leap from the car without a scratch leaving my younger self behind._

_And I saw the young girl, covered in blood, as she looked into her dead mother's face._

_Then, she had turned to me with wide, knowing eyes and I felt a rush of terror flood me. _

….I woke gasping and sweating as the loud beats of The Ting Ting's "Great DJ" rang out on my cell phone. Alice had obviously customized her own ringtone after successfully cracking the password to my cell phone yet again. She had proven capable of figuring out the password to just about anything.

_If she ever manages to get around the keypad that controls the button for 'The Big One" we're all royally fucked._ I thought.

I flipped open my cell phone in a desperate attempt to get the song to stop. I knew all too well that there was no such thing as ignoring a phone call from Alice.

"Yes Alice?" I said, trying my hardest to sound as awake as possible.

"I was just making sure you weren't going to forget mom and dad's tonight. Rose and Emmett are coming and mom is making a great big dinner." She spoke quickly and I chuckled,

"Have you ever thought about a career as an auctioneer?" I asked. She scoffed,

"Oh stick it up your ass, Edward! Just don't forget okay? I'll see you there." With that she hung up and I turned my phone to silent and tossed it across the table.

I sat on the couch for a moment staring at the wall.

_Had there been a girl before?_

_Why had I never seen her face until now? _

I was a bit rattled and needed to shower before heading to my parents. I heaved myself off the couch and peeled my sweat soaked tshirt off on the way to the bathroom. Turning the water as hot as it would go I stepped into the shower and allowed the scalding stream to pound out the aches and pains of my tight muscles.

I would go to my parents for dinner and be a good son and a good brother and a good friend. I would not make snarky comments about how Emmett's IQ was the square root of four and then laugh while he tries to figure it out. I also would not set an extra place at the table and then comment that it was reserved for Rosalie's tits.

_I can't help that the truth is fucking hilarious. _

_-------------------------_

I sat at the piano in my parent's elaborate home and played a meaningless jazzy tune for the umpteenth time. I had thought that playing a bit of music would put me at ease but it had only succeeded in frustrating me further.

"Why. Can't. I. Play. Anything. Meaningful?" I said as I pounded randomly on the keys. I played the last few notes of "Camptown Races" and slammed my forehead against the ivories which resulted in a loud _BONG! _that echoed throughout the room.

The last few notes of my sporadic piece were fading when I heard my mother's approaching footsteps,

"Edward, sweetie…are you alright?" She asked kindly.

"Yes, why do you ask?" I mumbled, not bothering to lift my head.

"Well, I only ask because your hair gel is going to make middle C stick…permanently." She said. My mother was the kindest woman in the world and the most subtle smartass. I raised my head up and she walked over chuckling,

"What's so funny?" I asked. She rubbed my forehead with her thumb,

"You have the keys imprinted on your face dear." She laughed. I pulled a bit of unruly hair down to cover the marks,

"Is dinner ready?" I asked in an attempt to divert the attention away from my obviously funky mood. Perhaps my dream had rattled me a little too much…I wasn't acting quite like myself.

"Yes and everyone's here. Why don't you come sit down?" She told me. I nodded and followed her into our family's dining room. Rosalie and Emmett were there laughing with Alice and Jasper. Rosalie was wearing a low cut tank top and a very obvious pushup bra.

_Why does she make it so hard to not make jokes?_

I sat down in my normal spot and took a look at the people that surrounded me. My father kissed my mother as she served dinner. Emmett and Rosalie held hands under the table and Jasper put his arm around Alice's shoulder lovingly. I groaned inwardly,

_Oh, my god. Everyone around me has gotten laid at least once in the past week._ I thought with disgust.

Dinner was nice yet uncomfortable at times. My parents tried to divert the attention away from the fact that I was the only one at the table that did not have a significant other but it wasn't exactly working. I ended up having to excuse myself at dessert because the cupcakes my mother had prepared (complete with little cherries on top) reminded me too much of breasts and I became uncomfortable.

I would admit that it would have been so much easier to make my desire for a girlfriend all about sex… but in reality it went much deeper than that.

In reality I was missing something.

In reality I wanted a _someone._

In reality I wanted love.

"Love conquers all." I whispered as I stood on the back porch of my parent's home staring out into the calm evening.

-----------------------

The rest of the week crept by uneventfully. I filled a shift for Jessica on Thursday (she complained of stomach flu, I chuckled something about pregnancy and got hung up on.), I worked Friday and started the weekend out by allowing Alice to get thoroughly drunk at the bar while Jasper and I monitored her. She did not pull her pants down.

_Possibly because she was wearing a dress but that was beside the point. _

I went with Carlisle to a car show on Saturday and humored him by listening to stories of how his colleagues had "beautiful daughters" who were just my age…

_Gee, what are the chances of that?_

Before I knew it Tuesday had rolled around again and I was bouncing around the library as nervous as an 18 year old buying his first piece of porn.

_What the Hell are you so nervous for? You're just going to try and talk to her again…it's not like you're asking her to have butt sex on the first date. Stop being an asshole._

I busied myself with the monotonous task of reorganizing the magazine section when the bell on the front door signaled to me that someone had walked in.

"Good morning!" I heard Michael say cheerily.

There was no answer.

_Fuck yeah!_ I celebrated.

Mystery girl was back.

I hopped out of nowhere to find her browsing our bin of books for sale.

"Did you enjoy the book?" I asked her. She jumped, obviously unaware that I had stepped in the room. She glanced at me, then away and nodded. She was wearing a brown plaid button up shirt with a gray hoodie and dark wash jeans. She looked beautiful and I was happy that I was able to see her face more clearly this time. Her eyes were wide and bright…

….but sad.

"So do you know what you're looking for?" I asked.

Nothing.

"It's a bit nicer of a day today than it was last week isn't it?"

She nodded once.

Maybe I wasn't being direct enough. Maybe I needed to ask questions that weren't answered with a simple nod.

_She's not a fucking parrot you dumbass._

"Well uh…excuse me what was your name again?" I lied. Her name was Bella Swan, she lived at 1614 South Harmony Way and her phone number was 555-9834.

_You need help_.

She said absolutely, positively, nothing. In fact, she scooted away a bit like she was trying to ignore me.

So I ignored her. I went to my desk and I sat there and did my best to flat out ignore her.

It really didn't work.

I drummed my fingers erratically as we existed in complete silence.

_Who did she think she was?_

_And why in the holy fuck did it bother me so badly?!_

She made her selection quickly and walked to the check out without another word.

_Whore._ I thought.

_You're a bastard do you know that Edward? You can't just jump to conclusions like that. _Since when did my subconscious become Alice?

"Find what you were looking for?" I asked as politely as I could.

She nodded a bit.

"Can I have your last name?" I asked. She pushed the library card toward me.

"Just your last name will be fine." I said. I was determined to get her to speak to me.

She pushed the car further.

"Really, if you just give me your last name…" She pushed the card so far that it almost fell into my lap. I gave up and scanned the card and her books.

"Have a GREAT day." I said with malice. She hurriedly grabbed her books and rushed out.

_Dammit-to-Hell-son-of-a-bitch-motherfucking-cocksucker._ I swore to myself.

_Why are you bothered?_ I thought. I truly didn't know why.

But I really didn't care if I felt like an asshole. I just wanted to hear her voice.

I looked down and saw her library card just laying there…without a second thought I grabbed it and raced out the door.

"Hey!" I shouted. She was halfway down the sidewalk but she turned around anyway. "You forgot your card!" I called. She came walking briskly back toward me.

_Would you really be that big of an asshole? I thought about myself._

"Yes." I whispered, answering my own question.

She walked up to me and, keeping a safe distance, held out her hand like a little kid. I held it firmly though, not allowing her to have it. How could I possibly being acting this way? Why was I turning into such an uncaring asshole? I hadn't been raised to behave like this…especially to women. There was just something about the way she wouldn't talk to me that made my own insecurities about not having love come pouring out.

"Not until you give me your name." I said like some sort of creepy school teacher. She pointed to the card suggesting I read it.

Then, it happened. I let loose. And I have never, in my entire life, regretted anything more than yelling at Bella Swan.

"Okay, I don't know who you think you fucking are but where do you get off not talking to me?! I mean, you don't have to laugh at my stupid jokes, you don't have to give me your phone number. Hell, you could call me every derogatory name in the book. You could tell me I was the biggest asshole you had ever met! I. Don't. Care. What I do care about is that you won't say two words to me! You won't say "hi" you won't say "thank you" you won't even say "goodbye". I get that I work here, I get that I'm here to make your library experience the best it can be but that doesn't mean you can treat me like I don't exist. So what is it huh?! Does my breath smell? Do you not like my voice? Can you not hear me because my hair is too loud? WHAT IS IT?! HUH?! WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME?!" I yelled so loud that I half noticed Michael at the window. He could fire me, I didn't really give a rat's ass. What I did care about was what happened next…

….She began to cry. And when I say cry I don't mean that a couple of stray tears betrayed her and cascaded lightly down her cheek. No, she flat out sobbed. Tears fell like a monsoon down her face and her back shook. My mouth dropped open slightly as I watched her breakdown,

"What the fuck have I done?" I whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! And your patience. Classes started again so I'm kneed deep in reading for classes but I have found time tonight to sit down and write some on many of my stories. To answer a few more questions: 1. Who are Rosalie and Emmett in this story? – I apologize that I didn't establish that…Rosalie is Jasper's sister and Emmett is Rosalie's boyfriend. 2. Will we get to see more of the story through Bella's eyes? - *points to chapter below* 3. More Edward jokes? – Yessa. But it is possible that there won't be that many in this chapter. This is more of a somber chapter. 4. Is she a fancy ghost? – Nooo she is hooman.**

***A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO MY BB TWI-CTION for her help with the storyline in this chapter. THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU! She always gives the best advice in stories and life. She is a phenomenal writer and you should all go read her stuff right NOW! Especially her new one "Collide"…it is a wonderful AH***

**ENJOY!**

**Read&Review please…it makes me smile. ******

**Lots of love,**

**- Jill**

-------------------------------------------------------------

**Edwar'ds POV**

_Dammit-shit-fuck-ass-hell-tits-fuckagain-dammitonemoretime. SHIT! Way to go Edward you will surely go down in history as a true ladies' man. You are obviously made of pure charisma. _

_Wanker._

"I'm so sorry please don't cry. I'm sorry, really I am please believe me. Bella? Bella, please." I begged. I was awful at begging and it had never gotten me anywhere so why should I have expected it to get me out of the worst situation of all?

Bella just stood there shaking her head as her tears dropped to the ground. I felt like a total idiot for causing her pain and it was even worse that there didn't seem to be any way of getting her to stop.

"I didn't mean it! I just…I just wanted to know why you won't talk to me. Don't cry, I'll do anything. I'll dance…" I began to jig on spot like some sadistic clown who had just snorted a handful of cocaine. I didn't care how big of a buffoon I looked like as long as it got her to stop crying.

My dancing didn't work.

_I feel like an ass, I made her cry and I didn't even sleep with her. I usually have to sleep with a girl to make her shed tears…and usually they are tears of laughter after they've experienced my pitiful attempts at fucking._

_Maybe I should try men. _

I turned around and kicked the fire hydrant in a fit of frustration. I also half noticed Michael staring at me from the window as if I was some ticking time bomb that was going to self-destruct at any moment.

I flipped him off without looking and went back to trying to console the weeping girl in front of me.

"Just tell me please? You can punch me; you can even kick me in the balls I really don't care. Just tell me… why you won't talk to me?" The tears seemed to be slowing down as she clumsily reached for her purse. Her shaky hands retrieved a pad of paper and a pen and she hastily wrote two words on the slip of paper.

"I CAN'T."

…I wanted to crawl into a hole and never be seen from again. But, knowing Alice, she had somehow micro chipped me in my sleep and would be able to easily discover me in my hideaway.

I held the piece of paper in my hands and stared at the words as if they would pop up and punch me in the face for her. She couldn't talk? Why couldn't she talk? Had there been an accident? Had she been born like that? Was it choice? Was she a demon? I lifted my eyes from the paper intent on apologizing more but found the area around me empty. She had bolted without me noticing, leaving me with a million new questions and no way to get any answers.

"Fuck." I muttered.

**Bella's POV**

I couldn't expect him to understand. After all, it was extremely rare for anyone to understand. I lived with my father and I still wasn't thoroughly convinced that he completely understood my situation. I had survived in my own world for about fifteen years and I would continue to survive alone.

It was just easier that way.

Then again, maybe it would have been more worthwhile to stay. It wouldn't have been easier but, perhaps, if I took more time to explain my situation to Edward he would have somewhat understood. It would have been nice to have a friend that I could open up to…

…but that was nothing but a fantasy. Having a friend out of love and having a friend out of pity were two drastically different things and it was obvious that I would never know the former.

I ran until I was out of view of the library then walked the rest of the way home. Walking always calmed me down. I would walk in the early morning before the hustle and bustle of the commuters filled the streets, I would walk late at night when nightmares would drive me to another sleepless night. Walking was a great way for me to clear my head and to listen to the world around me. I heard the squeaking of basketball shoes as I walked past the gym that sponsored after school activities. There was a group playing ball as well as the local high school cheer team practicing for an upcoming game. I could hear their spirited cheers through the heavy doors and I wondered what it would have been like if I would have ever ended up on a cheerlead squad.

I could have been practicing at that moment.

With my friends.

Cheering for my team.

With my friends.

I would have never made it…I'm way too clumsy.

I left the echoing commotion of the gym behind and continued on the path home. Cars were honking far away from and dogs were barking somewhere close by. But, for some strange reason, the on sound I could not shake from my mind was Edward's voice apologizing over and over. He was an attractive man, dare I think sexy? His hair was interesting and his eyes were deep and real.

Perhaps that was why I couldn't shake his voice, or his image, from my mind. His eyes were so true that it had shocked me the first time I had looked at him. When you lived a silent life you were more likely to pay attention to the details of the world around you. It hadn't taken me learn to learn when someone was being sincere and when someone was "just being nice". In the end it was always their eyes that betrayed them.

Edward's eyes had been true.

I couldn't think of that now, I couldn't start regretting my behavior now, I had left Edward standing there and I would have to deal with it. I felt foolish for just taking off like that but what could I have done? It's not like he could relate.

Finally, I reached my driveway and found my father on his way out the door to work.

"Hey Bells. I'm off to the station do you need anything?" He asked. Charlie Swan, he meant well but I could tell he was secretly dreading the day when I would nod in response to that question. I would spare him that anguish for one more day…I shook my head 'no'.

"Of course not." He said. He patted me on the head awkwardly and departed for the police station like he had every day since I had been born. I smiled a half smile and jogged for the safety of my home.

I had to give Charlie credit. He had tried his very hardest to make my life with him as stress free for the both of us as possible since my mother had passed away when I was six. It hadn't been easy, especially the time he had spent after the accident trying his hardest to get me to talk. He had tried it all: therapy, ignoring it, yelling at me, even threatening to put me in an institution. Charlie had then decided to move us a few towns over ( a new police chief position had opened up), hoping that a change in scenery would help coax the voice out of me. A few weeks later I still wasn't talking and it seemed that Charlie had given up. I wouldn't lie, it had hardened him a bit and it was heartbreaking finding him watching old home videos of my "talking years" late at night. I felt guilty at times but it hadn't stopped my refusal to speak.

He hadn't been in that car.

He hadn't heard the ridiculous fight before the crash.

He hadn't seen the drunk driver.

He hadn't refused the scream, "Look out!"

Charlie Swan wasn't guilty.

Charlie had spruced up my room the best he could. I had a bed, a computer, a desk, a stereo, and a dresser…essentially everything a girl needed to get by in life. Then, I had my books. Books had become my refuge in the years following my mother's death. I was able to express myself through written word and I found that books helped me to cope with the events of the world around me. Charlie had also given me as much space in the bathroom as possible. In fact, he only used the upstairs bathroom to shower and that was it. I wondered if he thought giving me more space in the bathroom would lead me to either speak again or just leave him along all together.

Charlie's mind worked in strange ways. He was clumsy around d me, always scrambling for the right thing to say. It was often amusing watching him try and think of something witty to say to me and, of course, I would always smile at his lame jokes. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable to just sit and enjoy the silence. Still, he tired too hard for something that would never come. I knew he felt cheated out of a normal life. He had been Charlie Swan: the lucky Chief of Police with a beautiful wife, an adorable daughter, a nice house, etc., etc., Then, the two most crucial parts of his life had been snatched away in an instant. His wife had been killed and his daughter would never be the same. Now, even in a new town, he was Charlie Swan: the poor lonely Chief of Police with a dead wife and a seemingly "mute' daughter. Everyone pitied my father and I knew that it drove him crazy.

I made myself a small cup on soup and a sandwich for and dinner and climbed the stairs to my room. The small lamp on my desk was still on from the morning and the soft light that flooded my room was very inviting. I sat my dinner down on my bedside table and walked over to my closet. The door creaked loudly as I opened the heavy wooden door and pushed aside the clothes that hung inside. I was feeling particularly nostalgic and I turned on my closet light so I could see the newspaper clippings I had taped to the wall a bit better. I didn't need the light to read what they said; I had memorized the articles a long time ago.

_**Mother of 1 dies in car crash.**_

_**Drunk driver kills wife of local police chief.**_

_**Daughter of police chief oddly silent after crash.**_

They were nothing but observations made by reporters who had rushed to the scene of the crash and who had bothered my father persistently for weeks afterwards. None of their accounts told of what had happened during the accident, I was the only one with the real story…

…and it was obvious I wasn't talking.

My mother and I had been fighting before the crash. As much as a six year old and her mother could fight. It wasn't a squabble of any importance, now that I thought back on it it was a ridiculous fight that amounted to nothing. But, to my six year old mind, it was of the utmost importance to me.

==_Flashback==_

_"But Mommy all the other girls are taking ballet! I want to take ballet too!" My whining voice echoed throughout the entirety of the car. My mother's wide eyes stared at me from the rearview mirror, _

_"Isabella, you cannot possibly want to take ballet. Have you ever watched yourself walk? You trip over air sweetie." She had told me. It had been true even then,_

_'But Mommy! I'll be really good I promise!" I persisted._

_"Just like you were really good at piano, and basketball, and horseback riding? Yeah, I don't think so missy." Score one for my mom._

_"But Mommy!—" She cut off my statement before I had a chance to execute it,_

_"Not another word Isabella." She said sternly._

_"Fine! I'm not speaking to you ever again!" I had yelled._

_Silence had fallen over the car for a good ten minutes while I pouted and fumed. I didn't like losing, even at age six, and I was adamant about remaining silent for the rest of time. My mother turned around at a stoplight to say something to me…_

_…that's when I saw the headlight._

_…that's when I didn't scream._

_…that's when I didn't know what the consequences would be. _

_…Then he crashed into us hitting the driver's side door with enough force to crush my mother._

_…that's when I realized it had all been my fault._

_If I had only screamed perhaps my mother would have sped away in time to saver herself. But I had said nothing. I had let a stupid sex year old squabble get to me that much._

_It had all been my fault._

_==End Flashback==_

Tears fell from my eyes for a second time that day. I hated crying over the death of my mother but some day sit just couldn't be helped. The hours, days, weeks, months, and years that followed her death accumulated to a big blur. I had been rushed dot the hospital leaving my mother, and a little boy I had noticed, behind. His eyes had been wide and fearful as his father had fled from police and I would constantly wonder what happened to him. Charlie had reached me in no time flat, and had begged me to tell him what had happened. Of course, by that time, I had chosen to never speak again as punishment to myself for causing the accident so I couldn't really help my father out. In the end he blamed my silence on post-traumatic stress disorder (and, who knows, perhaps that helped contribute to my silence), and I was placed in therapy. Therapy led to nothing, neither did yelling or threatening to send me away.

…And now here I was. Leading as normal of a life as possible in a town that, despite how new we were in town, still recognized our story. Forks was a town that would always pity the heartbroken Police Chief and his silent daughter.

**Edward's POV**

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. You're an idiot…Paris Hilton has Ph.D compared to you._

I swung my bedroom door against my head repeatedly as I waited for my sister to get ready.

"Edward? Are you alright?" Jasper's accented voice sounded concerned as he walked towards me from the front door.

"Just wallowing in the fact that I'm the most insensitive man that has ever lived." I said in a flat voice. Alice swung open the bathroom door,

_I wonder when that door will just give in and fly off the hinges._ I thought.

"Edward has apparently forgotten how to talk to girls. He made the silent girl cry today." She said. I growled a bit at my sister and shot her an angry glare.

"Dude." Jasper said. I rolled my eyes,

"It wasn't like I MEANT to." I said. Alice sighed,

"Have you ever thought about trying guys?" She asked pointing her toothbrush at me. She was wearing a sequined tank top that glittered in the light of the bathroom almost blinding me,

"And have you been told that it looks like you skinned _The Rainbow Fish_ from that children's book?" I said. Her mouth fell open and she glared at me angrily,

"Oh!...go fuck a horse Edward!" She snapped.

"At least I could reach." I responded and patted her on the head just before she slammed the door in my face.

Alice hated jokes about her fashion and her height and I had accomplished both in the span of a minute. I was good.

Maybe a night out was what I needed. Maybe celebrating Emmett's birthday would help me unwind and enjoy the evening a bit more.

Or maybe I would just keep thinking about Bella an dhow I had made her cry. Maybe I would keep thinking of way I could make it up to her.

------

"Stop wallowing!" I Alice shouted over the beats of the nightclub. I had downed several drinks but still didn't feel any better and the loud, repetitive beats of the music weren't helping. Several girls with more breasts than a man would know with had rubbed up on me leaving me feeling dirty and annoyed. I felt somewhat bad for acting so mopey on Emmett's birthday but he didn't seem to mind. Rosalie had made sure to look extra slutty that evening and his eyes were on her gyrating body and nothing else. I chuckled at the goofy grin plastered on his face as I chugged the last bit of my beer.

"I'm not wallowing!" I shouted back. I wasn't really wallowing…too much.

"Was it the girls? They were a bit forward." She said plopping her tiny frame onto a stool next to me. I nodded,

"They smelled like cheap cigarettes and low morals. And I think one of them had a penis." I said. Alice choked on the drink she was sipping.

"Well it would be a nice transition into guys for you." She said. I shoved her off the stool.

"Asshole." She said catching herself before she hit the ground.

"Tiny." I responded. "Where's Jasper?" I asked,

"He hit the little cowboy's room." She hiked her thumb toward the bathroom,

"Ah." I said.

"Why don't you come and dance? It'll help your mood, you love music." She said. Alice really did look out for me when I needed looking out for. I couldn't ask for a better sister.

"I love music that isn't the same noise of a trashcan lid being slammed against a dying cat repeated over and over again." I said, "I think I'm going to go get some air." I told her. She pouted a bit but didn't stop me. She knew when I was serious about something and this was one of those instances.

"Alright, can we crash tonight? I promise to leave you alone soon but…" I cut her off,

"Of course." I said and with that I left the noisy club and took off in the direction of the library.

I had the keys to the library in my pocket and I was hoping that spending a little time in the stacks would lead to some sort of epiphany in the "Make Bella feel better" campaign. I enjoyed being able to spend some alone time amongst the books. Characters didn't judge you for being a bastard, or for your taste in clothing. Stories were silent until you brought them to life…and that was nice.

I locked the door behind me as soon as I was inside and began my familiar walk through. Maybe I would be inspired, maybe I would figure the right thing to say to Bella, maybe I would figure out how to see the world through her eyes.

Or maybe I would be really lucky and a giant case of books would just fall on me.

**Bella's POV**

I walked into the library the next day intent on apologizing to Edward. A good night's rest had cleared my mind and made me realize that he deserved an actual explanation.

I began to peruse the stacks as usual but wasn't greeted by Edward or anyone for that matter. Was he not working? Had I scared him off? I tried to shrug off the fact that his cheerful "Hello" hadn't greeted me and continued to browse the books they had to offer.

It was a good fifteen or twenty minutes before someone tapped me on the shoulder. It made me jump and I turned around quickly to see Edward standing there with a small smile on his handsome features.

Then he did something that made my heart soar.

_Would you like to get some coffee with me? Please? _He signed to me.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you all once again for the reviews! You guys rock! So, so, Sorry for the lag in an update. I've been working on a lot of Latin homework and a big ice storm/snow storm hit and knocked power/cable/internet out for a week! So I haven't been able to get on to update. The biggest question of this past chapter seems to be if Edward knew sign language before his most recent encounter with Bella…my answer if that you will just have to wait and see. **

**Once again, there is swearing. Edward's favorite word is "fuck" and it is OOC. But it's fun! I also don't mean to offend anyone….it's either all okay or non of it is okay. ****J**

**ENJOY!**

**Read and Review plz.**

…**and while you're at it go check out the lovely twi-ction and her newest story "Collide". It is my favorite AU ever. **

**PS - Play close attention to the questions Edward asks and the answers Bella gives. They may come up later.**

**---------------------**

_**Edward's POV**_

I was really hoping that I had signed "Would you like to get some coffee?" as opposed to, "Would you like to blow me?". I was doubtful that those two phrases could get mixed up but knowing me, and my ability to be a royal fuck up, it seemed entirely possible.

She was silent…

_Well no shit, Sherlock._

She didn't move for a moment. She just stood there, staring at me, like I was Harry Potter with that lightning bolt scar on my fucking forehead or something. Then, like the sun peeking slowly out from the storm clouds, she smiled.

_What a radiant smile._ I thought, _A truly beautiful and genuine smile. _

Bella Swan nodded and I grinned like I had just pissed standing up for the first time.

I led the way out of the library clutching the book _Sign Language for Dummies_ in my sweaty grasp praying that if she did see it she wouldn't be offended.

I had spent all night in the stacks desperately trying to find some sort of book to help me with my predicament. None of the romance novels had helped seeing as I was neither foreign nor tan and my shirt did not rip open at the slightest hint of a gust of wind to reveal my rippling muscles. I had wandered into the medical section when I spied the yellow and black help book amongst the other "For Dummies" books that had to do with medical situations. Finally, a way into her world. I read the book for hours, soaking in every bit of information I could. I practiced my hand gestures in an attempt to master the simplest phrases before the morning broke and Michael opened the library to find that his "best" employee had possibly, or finally, gone off the deep end. As it turned out I had spared myself the awkward encounter with Michael and had managed to hide in the restroom until I heard the murmurs of a few people milling about the library. Then, I strode out like I had just gotten there and Michael only gave me a,

"It's your day off why are you here?" instead of the,

"Did you sleep in the shelves?" I had been waiting for.

"Books." I had managed to croak out and I shuffled away toward _Classics_…towards Bella.

And then I had succeeded in asking her out for coffee…

_At least that was what I assumed I asked her. She nodded and unless she's just freaky like that then I'm pretty sure I didn't ask for anything to racy. _

She walked beside me as we exited the library and made our way to a small café nearby. I knew I looked awful. I was still wearing the clothes I had worn to the club the night before and I was certain I still smelled like the club… a mixture of transvestite sweat and regret. My hair also looked like the wood nymph had thrown a rowdy party the night before, accidentally killed a couple of hookers, and messed up my hair more to hide the bodies. I was wrinkled and exhausted but I didn't care.

Maybe I would get her to talk to me.

Maybe if I just went slow.

We reached the café and I held open the door for her. She looked like she was blushing and that, for some strange reason, made my heart soar. It had been a long time since I had made a girl red in the face that HADN'T been screaming at me.

_How was I supposed to know those pictures were private? _

We stood in line behind a group of high school emo kids who looked so sullen you would have thought every single one of their brand new puppies had died and they had proceeded to write angst poetry about the symbolism before setting out to drown their sorrows in coffee that I doubted they even liked.

_High school students never ceased to boggle my mind. _

We got up to the counter and I suddenly felt like an asshole. How was she supposed to tell the pimply faced cashier what she wanted? How would I know? It wasn't like she could just whisper it to me. We weren't at that stage yet.

I began to sweat and I prayed my shirt wouldn't melt off my body in protest of my stench.

"Uh…Black coffee for me…medium…please." I spoke like I was trying to buy alcohol underage.

_Be a man Edward…your voice HAS changed you know. Your balls HAVE dropped, so act like it. _

"Is that okay? If you want something different you can just te--" I trailed off and to my relief Bella nodded.

"Cream and Sugar?" I asked.

She nodded. But she smiled while she nodded which made it all the better. I could watch her smile all day.

"You heard the lady!" I said to the cashier.

He looked at me like I had just escaped the insane asylum. Of course he hadn't heard her.

Bella giggled.

I paid for our coffee even though Bella held up her tiny hand in protest. I grabbed our drinks and we headed toward a vacant booth on the far side of the café. Bella fidgeted a bit as she sat down across from me and I knew instantly that she was nervous.

"If this is awkward or anything you can leave. You won't hurt my feelings." I murmured. I ran a hand through my messy hair and was certain I felt something crawl out. I grimaced to myself and focused on the woman in front of me.

She sat there for a moment biting her lip and stirring her coffee. I wanted to know what was going on in her mind. I longed to know what her inner voice was telling her…what her heart was telling her.

She shook her head "no" and I sighed in relief.

"Bella I want to apologize for the way I acted the other day. I had no right to speak to you that way and I should have taken the time to…I should have let you ex--…I should have just left you alone." I concluded. I had wanted to say "taken the time to tell me what was wrong." "I should have let you explain" but I ended up taking the easy way out.

Bella rummaged in her purse for a moment then pulled out a notebook and a pen. She began scribbling and extensive note to me. I sat there in silence sipping my coffee and silently wishing it was spiked with something. Finally she was done and she pushed the pad toward me.

"It's not your fault in the least so please don't blame yourself. I overreacted. It was a hard day and I'm sorry. I wish I could explain to you why I don't speak but it's a long story that is typically difficult for me to explain and even more difficult for people to understand. I've had some of the best therapists throw their hands up in frustration because they couldn't get the story out of me so please don't think you're a failure if you never hear the tale. It's just something I try to keep to myself…why should anyone else have to carry this burden? I can hear just find, I can understand people just fine, I just don't speak. I don't like making people sad and I'm sorry that I irritated you. Friends?" I looked up from the note to see Bella Swan looking more nervous than ever.

I chuckled and scribbled below her note.

"Friends." It read. She read the note and smiled that beautiful smile.

We sat in silence for awhile and I think she truly enjoyed that. I didn't fumble to make strange conversation just to fill the void and I saw her slowly begin to come out of her shell. I seemed to be getting somewhere. Bella's shoulders were relaxed and she moved more naturally. Before I could tell that every one of her movements was planned.

_Like she was maybe a fancy robot instead of a fancy ghost._ I thought.

Her movements flowed now as she sipped her coffee and messed her hair. She was relaxed throughout her shoulders and her eyes were alight with something I hadn't seen before…

Trust.

The wheels were turning in my head as we sat there in comfortable silence.

_Stop thinking…it's scary._ Seriously, when did my subconscious become Alice?

Without a moment's hesitation I grabbed her notebook and scribbled a question for her to answer,

"Favorite flower?" I pushed it toward her. She read it and her eyebrows pulled together. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and she scribbled a response.

"Sunflowers and daylilies." It read. I nodded and wrote another question,

"Favorite class you've ever taken?" I wrote. She thought for a moment, smirked, jotted down an answer and passed it back to me.

"Speech." It read. I was sure my face conveyed the confusion I felt and I looked up to see her grinning wildly. She took the notebook back, erased her previous answer, and replaced it with the appropriate one.

"I was home schooled, obviously, but I loved literature." She wrote. I smiled.

"If I turned on your iPod right now what would be playing?" I wrote. She read it and blushed momentarily.

" 'Lullaby' by The Spill Canvas." It read. Good taste in music.

"Favorite game?" My next question read. She grinned wickedly,

"Chess." She "said". I raised an eyebrow as if to say 'Oh, is that right?'. If it was one thing Edward Cullen knew how to do it was play chess. I stood up, refilled our coffee, and casually grabbed the chess board and pieces on my way back to our booth. The small café had an array of different games and chess just happened to be one of them.

I handed her a fresh coffee and set up the pieces. She glared at me viciously with the slyest smirk plastered on her delicate features. She was determined to beat me at my own game.

_Sexy. _I thought.

Wait…what did I just think?

What?

Did I just think _Sexy_?

I couldn't think _Sexy_. If I thought _Sexy_ then I was going to pursue the root of that adjective…SEX.

I pushed the thought from mind for the time being and did my best to focus on the game in front of me. I motioned for Bella to make the first move and was pleased when she moved her knight. Finally, someone who knew how to play chess.

We played for three hours straight.

Needless to say she kept beating me and I kept saying "double or nothing" though we hadn't bet a single thing.

"Alright, alright, you win!" I exclaimed loudly throwing my hands in the air. It was the first thing we had said since starting our little game and the sound of my own voice startled me. She smiled triumphantly and I bought her a cookie to celebrate the fact that she slaughtered me at the game I was certain I couldn't be beaten at.

It was now her turn for the questions and I gladly answered everything she threw at me.

"Brothers or sisters?"

"I have a pet sister that I sometimes feed and lay down fresh cedar chips for. She bites though so we don't let her out that often." I smirked at my own response and Bella looked slightly perplexed.

"I have a "sister" named Alice. She isn't exactly blood related but she has a kind heart and infectious personality. You would really like her…though she never shuts up so even if you did talk you wouldn't get a word in." I wrote. Bella smiled.

"If I turned on _your_ iPod right now what would be playing?" Ah, she turned my own question against me.

"Closer by Kings of Leon." I responded.

"I like them." She wrote. "Favorite pastimes." She asked.

"Piano playing, singing rather badly. Oh, and recently I've taken up the new sport of pants less open mic nights at bars." I answered. Bella looked confused again but didn't seem to care.

She was just about to ask another question when her phone went off signaling a new text message. She scowled and closed her phone.

"I have to go." She wrote. I nodded,

"I understand." I said.

"I'll be at the library in a couple of days." She scribbled.

"Do I have to wait that long?" The words tumbled from my mouth before I could stop them. Bella cocked her head to the side. I hurried to cover up my sudden outburst,

"You don't have to answer me now. Here's my number." I wrote it down for her, "Text me. I don't care what time it is." I said. She nodded, signed 'thank you', seemed to think about something for the simplest of seconds and then rushed from the café.

------------------------------

I spent the walk home trying to talk to an overly excited Alice on the phone,

"OH. MY. GOD. Finally you do something RIGHT with a woman. Jeez, I was starting to worry about you, really. I'm proud of you Edward! That was so sweet. Is she adorable? I bet she's adorable. Do you think she'll ever talk?" Alice's voice was almost too high for human ears to detect,

"We'll never find out if you act like this around her." I said quietly,

"What was that?" She asked, "You cut out."

"Oh nothing. I just said I wasn't sure." I lied.

"Well don't mess this up do you hear me? I don't want you to go back to sullen Edward Cullen. Hehehe, I rhymed." She giggled.

_Spazz. _I thought to myself.

"I can take care of myself MOM." I said.

"Oh don't you act like I'm not right, Edward! We all know you could benefit from a good lay." She rattled on. I growled a bit,

"Well…same to you!" That was quite possibly the weakest comeback I had ever used and I paid for it dearly with her response.

"It's only been an hour and thirty three minutes…unless you count the impromptu one on the way out the door." She said.

I hung up.

I spent the remaining fifteen minutes of my walk attempting to get the thoughts of my sister and my best friend going at it out of my mind.

_It doesn't help that you've walked in on it before. Not even bleach could get THAT image out._

Finally, I reached the apartment complex to find Alice's Porsche gone. I climbed to my apartment and opened the door to find it empty. Alice had left a note on the countertop with something stapled to it.

"Edward -

Jazz and I went to dinner. I promise we'll be out of your hair after tonight. Thanks so much for letting us stay. As payment I've attached something that might help you. It was stapled to the bulletin board downstairs. You would have found it anyway and I'm pretty sure you would have had the same idea, so you don't have to thank me…all I did was save you a trip downstairs. Do with it what you will.

SEE YA LOVE YOU

- Your Guardian Pixie"

I tore her note off to reveal the flyer below.

_**SILENT FILM FESTIVAL**_

_**THIS SATURDAY**_

"…Perfect." I smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This story has reached 100 reviews!!! Thank you to everyone who reviewed! This is the first story of mine to reach such and number and it really inspired me to continue on. It has been a CRAP day for me so prepare for very cynical Edward throughout this chapter (not at Bella, just at the world in general.) **

**A special thanks to Little Miss Whitlock for the kind words she always has for me.**

**And a very special thanks to my twi-ction who keeps me sane and keeps me writing. ILY!  
**

**Keep on reviewing! Keep up the love! And go check out twi-ction's story Collide. **

**Xoxo **

**- Jill**

**Edward's POV**

**-------------------**

I was pretty positive I was dreaming. There were a couple of clues as to why:

1. I was in my bedroom and it was clean.

2. I was shirtless.

3. I was walking towards Bella.

Her back was to me as she stared out my bedroom window into the rainy night. My steps were careful and measured as I got the sense that she was nervous. As I reached her I extended and shaky hand and placed it on her smooth shoulder. She turned her tiny frame towards and me and look on her face flooded me with a feeling that I had never felt before in my entire life.

We stood there for a few moments not making a move. Then, as slowly as I could, I pressed enveloped her in my arms and kissed her as deeply as one could kiss another.

----------------------------

"EDWARD! EDWARD! EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN! Oh, for God's sakes Edward wake the fuck up!" Alice's shrill voice interrupted my intense/pleasant/confusing/orly?/beautiful dream. I wanted to pound her into the ground like some sort of talkative yard stake.

"Alice. SHUT. UP." I ground out, throwing my pillow at her and diving further underneath the covers.

I felt her lay something against my head…something small and slightly heavy. Suddenly her annoying, loud, repetitive, ringtone blared into my eardrum causing me to jump about five feet into the air.

"Bitch." I said acidly.

"Slut." She replied simply, "HAHA you sleep in your boxers? What a cutie." She winked at me and I quickly covered my half naked self with my blanket. I wasn't embarrassed that Alice had discovered me half naked…

_Hell she had seen me fully naked during the night of the "Tequila Incident of '06"._

I was more embarrassed that she had caught me with a fairly noticeable boner. Something I was hoping she wouldn't point out.

"How the hell did you get into my apartment exactly?" I asked as I made my way to my kitchen in search of some coffee.

"I made a key." She said simply. I rolled my eyes at my sister and proceeded to make a giant pot of dark roast coffee. I stood there for a minute, watching it percolate, trying to decide if it would be better to sip it or just immerse my entire head in the whole lot of it.

"If I installed a doggie door would it make it make it easier for you? I can get one of those with the special collars so only you can get in." I told her with a smirk.

"Fuck you." She bit back.

"Not unless you're using and loaner vagina because there is no way I'm fucking my sister." I replied.

She stuck her tongue out at me.

"So why exactly are you here?" I asked her as I took my cup of coffee and shuffled to the bathroom. I closed the door but was well aware that I would be able to hear her perfectly fine through the door.

_If Bella had happened to be deaf I was fairly certain that she would have STILL been able to hear Alice. _

"Well, Mom and Dad invited Jasper, you, and me out to dinner tonight before the two of them leave for their cruise." She said a little loudly as I went about my normal morning routine of peeing and washing my face.

"Sounds fun. I'm game. What time?" I asked as I squirted shaving cream into my hand and began lathering my face. I had been too exhausted the night before to do anything besides giving myself a much, much, much, needed shower.

"Around sevenish. There is one other tiny, teensy, not a big deal at all detail…" Alice's voice sounded a bit nervous as she spoke through the bathroom door.

"And what might this detail be?" I asked as I shaved the annoying stubble from my cheeks.

Alice was silent for a moment and a silent Alice was never a good sign.

"Alice??" I asked as I paid close attention to my jaw line.

"…I might have, sort of, kind of, in a roundabout, blatantly obvious way, told them that you had a date last night." She squeaked.

I sliced open my chin.

_OW-SHIT-BALLS-FUCK-HELL-FUCKINGPIXIEAHH!_ I screamed to myself. I threw open the bathroom door quickly to find Alice flat against the opposite wall looking like a high fashion deer in the headlights.

"….You did what now?" I said quickly and quietly cocking my head to the side.

"……..Ta-da?!" She said throwing her arms up in a quick attempt to save her life.

"Ta…da? Like, 'Ta-da I just made your life that much harder' or 'Ta-da I just created a very awkward conversation for you to have with Mom and Dad later' or, 'Ta-da! Is the last word I'm going to say before you rip my little bird like head off.'? Is that what 'Ta-da' is supposed to mean because I'm a really big fan of the latter at the moment!" I yelled the last part which caused a small "meep" sound to escape my sister's mouth before she bolted for the door. Fortunately, I was able to cross the room in fewer, longer, strides than Alice and I scooped her up off her feet before she was able to make her quick exit.

"Yeah, you aren't going anywhere." I said as calmly as I could and I plopped the pint-sized pixie on the couch where she sat, arms crossed, pouting.

"I…wasn't thinking." She said. I laughed rather loudly,

"YA THINK?! Why Alice? Why? Why would you do this to me? Do you know how long Mom and Dad have been pushing me to get a girlfriend? Do you know how tiring that conversation is? Not to mention thoroughly depressing. Come on, Al. What did I do? I haven't stolen your shoes since that one night I paraded around in them. Now that they THINK I had a date they're going to be firing questions at me all night and I'm not going to have any answers for them because it wasn't a DATE! I really like Bella, I think, and I don't want anything or anyone messing this up. What were you thinking?" I groaned. Alice's bottom lip jutted out a I instantly felt a pang of guilt.

_Damn, damn, females._

"I just got excited that's all." She whispered. I threw my hands up in the air,

"Thank you for your interest in my life but to be frank…" She cut me off,

"You're Edward." She said.

"You're an idiot." I shot back, "To be frank it's no one's business but my own. I know I talked to you last night about it but that was all in confidence. Don't make me cut myself off from seeking your advice." I said. I thought she was going to cry,

"NO!!!!! Please don't. I'll be quiet I promise. I'm sorry Edward." She pouted and flung herself at me holding onto my ankles. I rolled my eyes again,

"Oh, get up. The only person who wants to see you on your knees is Jasper." I said pulling her to her feet. "Just, don't tell Mom and Dad anything about Bella alright?" I asked seriously. Alice nodded so hard that I thought her bobble-like head was going to fly off and break the television.

"Promise!" She said enthusiastically. I patted her on the head,

"Now…shoo. I'll see you tonight." I said as I turned her towards the exit. Alice bounded out of the door and I quickly closed and locked it behind her.

_I should seriously think about changing those locks._ I thought.

I walked towards the bedroom to get dressed but halfway there I stopped and proceeded to bang my forehead repeatedly against the wall.

Three minutes and a dizzy spell later I was sitting on my bed, contemplating everything that had happened within the past 24 hours and everything that awaited me. It was already 2pm which meant I didn't have enough time to really do anything before I would have to get ready to go out to dinner with my family. I didn't much feel like going to the library, and drinking heavily was out of the question.

I finally decided on a run. I needed to clear my head and mentally prepare for the barrage of questions that was sure to come my way at dinner. So, with a heavy sigh, I slipped into my work out clothes and grabbed my iPod off my dresser. My footsteps were loud as I made my way down the stairs of my apartment and out onto the open road. The air was nice and crisp and I suddenly felt excited to be going for a run. I had an instant flashback to the previous night as I turned on my iPod and I grinned widely as I changed the song from "Closer" by Kings of Leon to "Lullaby" by the Spill Canvas.

And I ran.

I ran to get away from what was sure to come that night.

I ran to clear my mind.

I ran to make sense of what I felt in my heart.

I ran for Bella.

**5 hours later - Bella's POV**

---------------

"So you're sure you'll be okay for a few days?" Charlie asked for the thirtieth time. He was asking because he was my father, and he was asking because I had been acting oddly jubilant all morning and he was seriously beginning to worry about my mental health.

I was jubilant because Edward Cullen had made me feel more like an actual person (instead of a freak) for the first time ever and for that I was extremely thankful.

Plus, if I was allowed to act like a woman, he was beautiful to look at.

AND THE MAN AND SIGNED FOR ME! SIGNED! Charlie couldn't even sign. My feelings for Edward Cullen were new and, at that particular moment, I was fascinated by that.

"Bells?" Charlie waved his hand in front of my face and I was snapped out of my thoughts. I grinned at my father and nodded.

"Are you sure?" He asked for the thirty-first time. I rolled my eyes and pressed his car keys into his rough palm. I pointed at the door and he chuckled,

"Okay, okay, I get the point. Money for food is on the table and please keep the door locked. Oh, and please stay inside tonight….a big storm system is supposed to roll through and I don't want you to get stuck in it. If the power goes out you know where the candles are." He told me. I kissed him on the cheek and sent him on his way.

With Charlie gone to a police conference in Seattle I was free to blast music how ever loudly I pleased without totally mortifying my father. I liked this idea and proceeded to hook my iPod up to the adapter I had bought with my birthday money. It took me a few tries to figure the damn machine out but I finally got it working and soon my favorite songs were blaring from the speakers as I danced around the kitchen doing dishes.

Housework was oddly calming to me. No one was asking me questions or trying to make conversation with me while I was cleaning. No one was urging me to speak or yelling at me because I refused to do so. I was happy, and pleased, to be left alone.

The TingTings

Iron & Wine

Jimmy Eat World

OK GO

Panic! At the Disco

Blue Oyster Cult

All of these bands played favorite, familiar, tunes for me as I went about my business. I was completely lost in my own world, concentrating on what I was doing, when that song came on….his song to be exact.

"Closer" by Kings of Leon began to filter out of the speakers, filling the kitchen with the smooth, cool, beats.

_Stranded in this spooky town_

_Spotlights are swaying and the phone lines are down_

_This floor is crackling cold, she took my heart, I think she took my soul_

_With the moon I run far from the carnage of the fiery sun_

The song made me stop dead in my tracks. Memories of Edward Cullen were flooding my mind and new feelings were creeping into my body. His smirk, his eyes, his nervous laughter and his soft voice all came back to me and whirlwind. This was all new, this was all different…

…was this all wrong?

Edward Cullen was a normal boy.

I was NOT a normal girl.

What was I think being delighted by his mere presence? What made me so damn interesting to him? Was he just being nice? Why did a song make me feel this way? Why did the simple memory of his bronze hair and green eyes elicit such feelings within me?

Maybe Edward Cullen was not as normal as I thought. Or maybe this was nothing.

I felt strange, almost sick to my stomach. I had never had feelings for anyone so quickly before. Hell, I had never had feelings for anyone before in my entire life. What if everything Edward had demonstrated to me yesterday had been just a kind gesture to not make me feel so out of place with the rest of the world? What if he pitied me?

Or what if he felt the same exact way?

On one hand, Edward Cullen made me feel happy. On the other hand, I was terrified.

I didn't know what to do so I did the only thing my body would allow me to do. I leaned against the counter and cried as the first rumbles of thunder and the first flashes of lighting cascaded across the sky.

_Do you think of me? _

_Where am I now?_

_Baby where do I sleep?_

_Feel so good but I'm old, 2000 years of chasing's taking its toll_

_And it's coming closer._

**Edward's POV**

**-------------------**

"What's her name? Edward, I promise I won't pester you I just want to know the girl's name." My father was trying his best to sound uninterested but he was failing miserably. I hadn't spoken for the past fifteen minutes and had, instead, used that time to stare at the bare tablecloth in front of me. I was wishing that food would magically appear so that everyone would shut up, leave me alone, and start eating.

_I was also wishing for someone to happen alone and decide to shoot me in the face. I wasn't having much luck with either scenario._

I adjusted my tie and suit jacket and did my best to look disgruntled in hopes that my parents would drop the subject entirely.

"Come on, sweetheart. We're just pleased that you've finally found a girl that you like enough to go on a date with her." Esme's sweet voice made me feel a bit guilty.

"It wasn't a date. I bought her coffee because I made a royal ass of myself in front of her and I needed to apologize." I said flatly. I heard Esme murmur an "oh",

"So do you have feelings for her?" Carlisle asked,

"Carlisle!" Esme scolded and a small grin tugged at my lips.

"What? I just want to know." Carlisle said staring at me.

It was either bite the bullet now or later. It wasn't like I was going to catch a break from their questions anytime soon.

_Not until they're out in the middle of the ocean on a big cruise liner…and even THEN I'm betting they find someway to bother me. Carrier pigeon or something ridiculous like that._

Alice was looking at me with wide, sorry, eyes from across the table.

"…Yes." I said quietly. Esme smiled in delight,

"So will you tell us her name now?" Carlisle asked with a grin.

Just then my phone vibrated loudly in my pocket and I took it out to see who had text messaged me. Alice and Jasper were here with me which ruled out the usual suspects.

It was an unknown number.

An unknown number, and a text message.

"…Bella." I breathed to myself.

"What was that?" Carlisle asked. I hit VIEW quickly with shaking fingers.

"_Could you please come over? I need you. I need to…speak with you. I'm afraid._" It read. I had skim over it a few times within a few seconds before it finally sunk it.

"Um…excuse me, please." I said absent mindedly as I rose from the table.

"Edward?" Esme asked as I made my way to the exit. I didn't look back as I hurried out of the restaurant and out into the stormy night. I had been late in getting ready so Alice had picked me which left me without a vehicle at the moment. If I was correct in my thinking the Swan residence was only about two miles east.

The rain poured and the thunder howled as I looked East.

_She was afraid._

_She needed me._

_I didn't care how long it would take me or how wet and tired I would be._

I ran.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello all! So sorry for the time between updates…I know the last chapter kept you all on your toes. Well, I got the flu (which sounds like the perfect opportunity to write but I spent most of the time asleep) and then I had a few tests I had to study for. I hope you guys had a fantastic Valentine's Day (I got Doctor Who on DVD yay!) and I will be giving you all a belated Valentine's Day present within this chapter ;) It's also been brought to my attention that I may need some help with my grammar. I am going to do my best to read through this chapter and edit it a lot before posting…I just got so excited with the last chapter that I posted it before I proofread it. SO look for improvements and I hope I do not disappoint. **

**Once again this is OOC and I don't mean to offend anyone. If it's not all okay to make fun of then none of it should be okay ****J and, let's face it, we all love a bit of OOC swearing Edward sometime. **

**Enjoy!**

**Read&Review as always!**

**And go read Collide by twi_ction. It is amazing, the end. **

**Lots of love,**

**-Jill**

**PS - Just to clarify Edward and Bella are both over the age of 21 which makes them adults capable of making adult decisions and adult mistakes. I have spoken.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Edward's POV**

_**--------------------**_

I couldn't propel my body fast enough as I sprinted through the pouring rain that covered the city like a thick curtain. The rain was beginning to weigh down my clothes and I removed my jacket in hopes that it would give me a bit of added speed. I flung the wet garment over my shoulder and continued on my way toward Bella's house.

"Hey! Watch where you're going you asshole!" I shouted as a big, gas-guzzling, Ford Explorer came barreling at me, stopping a mere inch and half from slamming into my gangling form as I sprinted across the crosswalk.

"Unless you want me perched proudly atop your hood as your new ornament I suggest you STOP when there is a STOP light!" I yelled as I slammed my fist against his hood. A big sweaty man in a deer hunting t-shirt with the sleeves cut out flipped me off in-between the dashboard hula girl and the dashboard Virgin Mary. I swallowed in disgust and took off again in a dead sprint.

After another close encounter with a car…_This time it was a Grand Marquis driven by a pair of knuckles and poof of white hair that almost did me in. Honestly, who gave grandma the keys?… _and having to rescue my shoes from a puddle that had decided that they fit it better than they fit me…_I really, really, hate wet socks_…I found myself searching desperately for Bella's house. I knew that it was somewhere near the library, tucked away from the main roads and atop a small hill.

_Oh! Her library card! Remember her information! You had it memorized the other day your creepy ass stalker bastard._ I scolded myself as I tried to remember the address printed neatly on Bella's library card.

"Bingo!" I cheered as I jogged right up to the sign signaling that her street was to the right. Suddenly, I had a burst of energy and I sprinted quickly up the winding lane to the dimly lit house atop the hill. The thunder cracked loudly and I resisted the immediate urge to cover my ears. I could feel my phone vibrating loudly in my pocket for the fourteenth time but I paid it no attention. I had the suspicion that it was Alice calling me and I could always confront her, and my parents, later. Now, however, I had a job to do.

There was an old truck parked outside but no sign of Chief Swan's police cruiser which told me that Bella was all alone.

_She needed to TALK to me._

_SPEAK with me._

…_did she really mean it? _

I slipped a bit as I jogged up her front steps to find her pacing back and forth behind the protective barrier of the front door. I sighed in relief as I found myself under the protective awning of the front porch and the constant drumming of the rain against my body stopped.

Bella stopped her pacing, obvious of my appearance on her front porch, and flung the front door open. I grinned widely and signed 'Hello' _I hope I got that right_ , she signed back but didn't grin. Bella stood there for a moment, chewing on her bottom and lip and staring at me. She was wildly nervous about something, that would have been obviously to a blind man, but she motioned for me to follow her inside anyway. I hesitated for only a moment then followed her inside.

She led the way into the small kitchen, we stopped and she turned to me with a sad look on her face. Her bottom lip jutted out just a bit into a heartbreaking pout.

"What? What's wrong?" I said. I cleared my throat in a futile attempt at making my voice sound like concerned.

_If you're trying to not come across as concerned/desperate then sprinting across town in a torrential downpour was probably not the best way to go._

Bella motioned to my wet clothes that were clinging to my body quite annoyingly.

"Oh this? It's nothing…it's just sprinkling a bit outside." I said. As if one cue lightening lit up the sky and thunder crashed loudly all around us. Bella jumped and moved a bit closer to me _Okay, thunder isn't all bad._ I thought with a small smile.

"Now can you tell me what was so urgent that you would text…me? Of all people?" I said with a bit of a chuckle. It was nervous chuckle, one that was used to cover up nerves or lies.

_In my case it was nerves._

Bella turned to me, her beautiful eyes reflected in them only the truth…that Bella Swan had been crying for the better part of the evening. She chewed on her lip again and played with a bit of her hair before she offered me a small shrug.

I shrugged back.

"Come on Bella…what's wrong? Please tell me. You know I won't leave until you tell me." I said. _Unless you kick me out of course_.

Bella grabbed a notepad off the countertop and a pen and scribbled a note. I made a mental note to buy Bella a dry erase board and markers for her birthday or Christmas.

_What makes you so damn confident that you're going to be around her for Christmas or her birthday._ I thought. Since when did my subconscious turn into Rosalie?

"You need to get out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold. I didn't mean you had to run here. I only meant that I was afraid of the storm and that I had other things on my mind." Her note read.

"Well I don't exactly have any other clothes." I said with a laugh. Bella thought for a moment and scribbled a response on her notepad, "Do you ever get writer's cramp?" I commented with a laugh. She stuck her tongue out at me without taking her eyes off the pad,

"I know they may not be what you're used to but Charlie has some stuff that might be alright for you." She wrote.

I smiled. I didn't want to appear rude to Bella so I would take the clothes she would give me.

Once again she grabbed her notepad,

"There are towels in the cabinet under the stairs. I have a load of my dad's shirts in the dryer so I'll bring you one if you'd like." She wrote. I nodded and headed in the direction of the stairs. I had no idea what I was doing standing in Bella Swan's house about to "towel off" my rain soaked self, but for some reason I had no desire to leave.

I opened the closet to find an array of green fluffy towels. I unbuttoned my white shirt and peeled it off my shoulders.

_Yuck. Wet clothes._ I thought with disgust. I wrinkled my nose as I set the shirt aside on the hardwood floor and proceeded to rub the soft towel over my chest and arms and soaking hair. The house was silent and I was insanely curious whether or not it was always like this. In a way, it would have been a relief to have some silence once in awhile, but on the other hand the lack of noise would become unnerving. Bella's existence was an interesting one and I was ever curious to find out more about her.

I wandered the hall of her home as I toweled off my messy hair. The walls were lined with family pictures chronicling Bella's life from birth to the present. They weren't typical school pictures but rather adorable snapshots of her smiling. There were pictures of her alone, ice cream smeared on her face or swimming in the pool, there was a picture of her looking terrified in the embrace of a clown and her on a bike looking quite triumphant. I smiled at these adorable moments and moved on to other pictures. These were ones of Bella in the lap of a woman I guessed to be her mother. Her mother smiled radiantly at the camera as Bella bounced with a flower in her tiny fists. The woman held her tightly as Bella blew out the candles on her birthday cake and she carried her on her shoulders as she peered into the zebra's cage at the zoo. The photos of Bella with, I assumed to be her mother, continued for a bit…then stopped. The pictures of her and her mother stopped and the pictures of Bella alone slowed to a trickle. In the latter pictures I noticed an undeniable absence of light from her eyes…it was odd and haunting and I was instantly upset by it. What made me even more upset was the fact that this was the Bella I knew.

Lightning cracked across the sky like a whip, followed by a deafening crash of thunder. The electricity went out with a pop and I heard the loud sound of glass shattering in the kitchen. I dropped the towel I was holding to the floor and rushed toward the sound hoping that Bella was alright.

…_You know there is no use in hiding your feelings for her now. You're rushing to her rescue, during a dangerous thunderstorm, shirtless. Prick. _My subconscious was acting more and more like Rosalie and I was really starting to get annoyed. Having a subconscious like Emmett would have been much more tolerable '_Boobs, sports, waffles, boobs, sports, waffles, boobs, sports, waffles, OH LOOK A KITTEN!' _At least I would have been able to tune that out.

Bella was standing in the middle of the dark kitchen surrounded by the shattered remains of a bowl of popcorn. She signed in the pitch blackness of it all and I wasn't completely sure what she had "said". _Damn I'm powerless without that little book_. I thought.

"I'm sorry…I don't know what you signed. I…uh….I've been using a….a book so. Yeah. I'm still a little unsure. Plus, it's dark." I said nervously. I saw Bella walk into the next room and I was very hopeful that I hadn't offended her.

_You're a wanker._

She came back a few seconds later armed with candles. I walked over and began lighting them for her, she smiled happily in response and soon the whole kitchen was bathed in a soft glow.

"I'd turn the television on to see how long the storm is supposed to last but…" I trailed off and Bella nodded. Silence was just falling over us once more when my phone vibrated again. I decided that it was probably a good idea if I answered it,

"Hello?" I asked Alice's voice flew out of the phone at the speed equal to that of a virgin sexing it up for the first time. I held the device away from ear to prevent further damage to my hearing,

"AREYOUKIDDINGME?!YOUJUSTRUNOUTOFTHERESTAURANTLIKETHEHEARTTHROBDURINGTHEREALIZATIONSCENEOF

ABADROMANTICCOMEDYANDYOUDON'TEVENANSWERANYOFMYTEXTMESSAGESORPHONECALLS?!DOYOUHAVEANYIDEAWHAT

THEWEATHERISLIKEOUTSIDEORHOWWORRIEDWEHAVEBEEN?!!ESMEISABOUTTOLOSEHERMINDANDCARLISLEISABOUTTOLOAD

THEANIMALSTWOBYTWOITSSOBADOUTHEREBUTNOOOOEDWARD'FANCYPANTS'CULLENISTOOGOODTOCALLHISFAMILYSOWE

JUSTASSUMEYOUAREDEADINAGUTTERSOMEWHERE!UGH!IHOPEYOURSHOESAREALLWETANDRUINED!IBETYOULOOKLIKEAWETCHIHUAHUAANDSMELLLIKEONETOO!"

_Now for the normal human beings who do NOT speak Alice, my sister said the following: "Are you kidding me?! You just run out of the restaurant like the heartthrob during the realization scene of a bad romantic comedy and you don't even answer any of my text messages or phone calls?! Do you have any idea what the weather is like outside or how worried we have been?!! Esme is about to lose her mind and Carlisle is about to load the animals two by two it's so bad out there! But noooo Edward 'Fancy Pants' Cullen is too good to call his family so we just assume you are dead in a gutter somewhere! Ugh! I hope your shoes are all wet and ruined! I bet you look like a wet Chihuahua and smell like one too!"_

"…I'm sorry?" I said quietly.

"You better be! Here's Mom…" Alice flip-flopped between calling our mother "Esme" and calling her "Mom". It all depended on her mood and I found that extremely amusing.

"Edward are you alright?" My mother's soft voice was a welcomed relief from Alice's screeches. I loved my sister but it was well known fact that I was going to make her pay for my future hearing aides.

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine. I had to help…a friend." I said questioning my own words_. What was I doing? Losing my mind more than likely_. "I'm sorry about leaving so quickly, it was rude. Do you have power?" I asked,

"No. It's probably safer to just stay where you are…your father said that the storm is supposed to last for awhile. Be safe and call me when you get home alright?" My mother said. I couldn't help but smile at her motherly instincts. No matter how old I got she was always concerned about something. "Oh, here's your sister…" Mom's voice trailed off and was replaced by Alice's,

"Say Hi to Bella for me and don't mess this up!" She scolded. I groaned,

"Hey Alice, will you do me a favor?" I asked as sincere as possible,

"Sure thing. What do you need?" She asked sounding attentive. I snickered to myself,

"Go into Dad's closet and remove the nine iron from his golf bag. Then I want you to take it outside and point it up. I hear lightning loves that." I said dryly. Alice gave a little scoff and I grinned widely,

"Go to Hell!" She snapped,

"Ladies first." I replied.

"Love you." She said,

"Love you, too." I told her with a small smile, "Stay safe. I'll call you later." I closed the phone and turned to Bella who was waiting patiently for me to get off the phone.

She smiled at me and shuffled on her feet nervously. My brain searched through it's database of 'Ways to kill time' but it was difficult to think of anything when the person you were with didn't speak. Bella seemed to be thinking as well but there was one thing I wanted to ask her before we decided on something to do until her electricity was restored,

"Why did you call me over here tonight?" My voice filled the void awkwardly and I felt a slight rush of embarrassment that I had spoken at all. Bella tucked a stray lock of her hair behind her ear before she dove for the notebook.

"I was afraid of the storm." It read,

"You're a bad liar." I told her. Her eyes narrowed and she underlined her previous message a good fifty times. I stared at her for a few moments,

"Are you sure that's it? You were just afraid of the storm? There isn't more that you want to explain to me? You know I'll listen…you said you needed to 'TALK' to me. Was I supposed to interpret that differently?" I asked. Bella sighed heavily and flipped the pen around in her fingers a few times,

"I was just afraid. I'm sorry if I led you on to believe I would speak…you can leave if you'd like." She scribbled. I shook my head,

"Why would I leave? I can't leave you here alone in the dark during a thunderstorm. Plus, I don't much feel like running home." I said with a low chuckle. Bella half smiled and we fell into silence again. She was staring at me and couldn't figure out why…until I looked down,

"Oh fuck! Sorry, shit! I mean…damn I'm still shirtless." I said, trying my best to cover up with my arms. Bella grinned and shook her head,

"How about that shirt?" I said, _Now that I'm thoroughly embarrassed maybe I can just crawl off to a hole now and die._ Man I sounded like a pansy sometimes.

Bella padded quietly out of the room to retrieve a shirt from the dryer. I desperately hoped they had gotten dry before the power had decided to fail. Thunderstorms were a normal occurrence in Forks, but this one was pretty severe and I was fairly certain the trees in Bella's backyard had lost some limbs. Maybe I would clean the yard up for her…

_Dear God! Do you think in porno summaries?_ Rosalie needed to vacate my subconscious immediately.

She returned quickly and handed me a plaid flannel shirt. I slipped it on and buttoned it up…I looked like a pre-teen lumberjack and Bella snorted with laughter.

"It's YOUR dad's shirt." I pointed out,

"It looks fine on MY dad. You just look silly." She wrote. I rolled my eyes and resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at her. The wind howled loudly outside and we were reminded on the fact that it was extremely stormy outside.

"Alright then, what shall we do? Board games? Chess? Charades?" I saw her face light up a bit at the mention of "Charades".

"Charades? Do you want to play charades?" I asked. Bella looked around the dimly lit kitchen for a moment before she gave in and nodded.

We moved to the living room and I brought a few candles with us so that we could actually see what we were doing. Bella placed herself on the couch and curled up a bit,

"Hey, if…if you're uncomfortable with me being here I can leave…I just, don't want you to be alone." I said. It was true, (though Bella had been the one to call me over), I would leave if she wanted me to do so.

"No, I'm just…not used to someone treating me like…well, a person." She wrote. I tried to give her a smile but I was sure I failed miserably. She broke the tension by being adorable and motioning for me to go ahead with our game,

"Oh, I'm going first?" I said. Bella nodded.

An hour, fifteen charades, and a score that blatantly depicted Bella the winner, later I found myself with one last charade. I thought it would be a cool, I was hoping I would be smooth enough to pull it off but I highly doubted it.

"Three words." Bella scribbled on the notebook. I nodded and held up one finger indicating the "first word". I placed my index finger to my lips,

"Quiet?" She wrote. I shook my head 'No'.

"Me?" She scribbled. I shook my head 'No'.

"Silence?" The notebook read. I encouraged her to go further with 'Silence'.

"Silent?" She wrote. I nodded and Bella smiled.

I held up two fingers and Bella leaned forward, giving me her full attention. I demonstrated using an old-time crank video camera. Bella got it instantly,

"Film!" She "said". I grinned at her and held up three fingers. 'Festival' was going to be tricky. I began to parade around like a dumbass trying my best to look festive. Bella looked extremely confused,

"Parade?" She wrote hesitantly. I shook my head and proceeded to act like I was throwing confetti.

"Celebration?" She asked. Once again, no.

"Happy?" She scribbled. I bit my lip and decided to just give up. I extracted the, now soggy, slip of paper that Alice had given me. I had kept it in my wallet for safe keeping until I had gotten the balls to ask Bella. I handed it to the small girl and waited anxiously for a response.

She seemed to take close to four years to give me some sort of answer. She read the paper through 923423 times before she finally looked up at me.

"You want to take me?" She noted on the paper. I nodded and Bella leapt from the couch and hugged me for about .00000001 of a second before she shrunk away again. Working on her shyness was definitely going to take some work.

"YAY!" She wrote. I laughed,

"So I take that as a yes?" I asked her. She nodded profusely and for a split second she reminded me of the bobble-head version of Alice. I felt giddy and I wasn't sure why…perhaps I had finally done something right .

Bella and I spent the remainder of the night playing cards, board games, and twenty-three games of hangman. At 2:30 a.m. the storm ended but I still didn't feel like leaving Bella all alone in a dark house. Finally, at 3:34 in the morning, her electricity came back on. I was grateful because I was exhausted but I was sad because we had bonded even more that night and I was sad to leave such a calm environment.

I blew out all of the candles and gently woke up Bella who had fallen asleep on the couch about fifteen minutes before her lights had come back on. She sat up sleepily and stared at me curiously for a few minutes. I couldn't help but giggle like a schoolgirl at how adorable she was,

_Wow, you're a woman._

She groggily reached for the notepad and scribbled a barely coherent note,

"Driv u hom?" It read. It took me a moment to realize what she had meant,

"No, you don't need to drive me home. I can walk perfectly fine, trust me." I whispered. She nodded and I stood to leave.

Bella shuffled behind me toward the front door,

"Get some sleep okay?" I said, turning to face her. She nodded sleepily and pointed to me. I took this to mean, "You too". ,

Oh, I had every intention of sleeping. As soon as I could get to my apartment I would pass out on my soft bed and drift into dreams of…well.

"Goodnight Bella Swan…or Good morning. Text me before Saturday?" I asked. She nodded and I stepped out of her house into early morning.

I waited until Bella had locked the door, waved once more, and left for bed before I took off at a slight jog toward my apartment.

I had so much to think about.

I had so much to worry about.

I had so many questions that begged answers.

And I wasn't so sure I would ever get what I truly desired.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: *As always, I don't own these characters* Sup being down? Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this update! And I will let this slip that there is more pantsless Edward and Jasper in the very, very, near future. Thank you, as always, for the multitude of kind reviews… they really do make my day better and I am getting around to replying to them as of this moment. "Thoughts to fill the void" to answer your question it will take a while for Bella to figure this out and the news will come abruptly and sadly. "Little Miss Whitlock" you are fantastic, as is your user name. I foreshadow all the time… how did you know? ;). "stavanger1" thank you so much! I appreciate you pimping my story out! Seeing as my pimp cane is broken I need someone to do it! And as always, my bb twi_ction: ILYMOAR! You are the greatest "whordwhorer" of all time and your Alice/Edward dominate all. AND LOOKY WHAT TWI_CTION MADE ME: .com/albums/rr249/cullen_?t=1235531313  
**

**GO READ HER STORY "COLLIDE" RIGHT NOW!**

**Ps: that might go down in history as the longest A/N of all time.**

**Edward's POV**

**-------------------**

I was exhausted, smelly, and, oddly enough, still a little damp. I needed a shower but I needed sleep first and I was determined to get a lot of it. I peeled off my still damp shirt (I had left Bella's father's shirt at her house), kicked off my rain filled shoes and socks, removed my black pants and replaced them with a pair of basketball shorts. It was uncharacteristically cold in my apartment so I threw on an old high school shirt and flopped onto my mattress. I let out a monumental sigh and let my tired eyes close at last.

I had just drifted off to sleep when my front door slammed open loudly, causing my eyes to fly open.

_ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME?!?!?!_

"Edward!!" Alice, of course. I was seething, I didn't want to deal with her at the moment. I wanted to sleep and dream of Bella. I wanted to plan my date in peace and not be disturbed by a pixie who on a bad day, still had the energy of a vibrator with fresh batteries.

I got up from the bed before she could reach my bedroom and stood in the doorway with an angry expression plastered on my features.

"HEY!" she said cheerily. Did she not notice that I resembled a mountain man? Did she not see that I needed rest?

"MARY. ALICE. CULLEN." I ground out…she hated her full name. She cocked her tiny head to the side…

…_If I could just tilt her head a little bit more then I would be rid of this problem and all would be quiet._

"What did you just call me?!" she said, her voice escalating in volume with each word. A smirk tugged at the corners of my mouth. She would not win, I would not give in, I would sleep.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment." I growled. Alice's mouth fell open and a second later she was screaming random obscenities at me as I threw her over my shoulder and carried her unceremoniously toward the front door. Jasper had was standing by the kitchen as I passed,

"Hey Jasper." I said casually as Alice was flailing and swearing.

"Hey Edward, donut?" he asked offering me a glazed donut. I took the happy little treat and popped it into my mouth.

"Asshole!…just trying to help!…couldn't get a date if he came rainbows and diamonds…fucker…put me down!…Edward!" Alice screeched in between other swear words that probably would have killed Esme if she heard them. I opened the front door, flipped Alice right-side up, and plopped her outside. She stood there for a moment,

"You ruined my hair!" she finally screamed.

"It looked like shit anyway." I said, and I slammed the door before she could attack.

I turned around to find Jasper chuckling and I couldn't help but let out a hearty laugh as well.

"I can walk myself out, thank you." Jasper said, holding up his hands and walking toward the door.

"Good, because I don't feel like slinging you over my shoulder and I'm not carrying you bridal style." I said punching him in the shoulder.

"Aww, but it'd be such good practice for our wedding night." the Texan said. I rolled my eyes,

"Just…keep Hurricane Alice away from my apartment for six hours. I just need six hours and then she can bother me all she wants." I told him. Jasper saluted and exited. I could hear Alice's angry voice outside and I was glad I didn't have to listen to her for awhile.

With the Texan and the pixie gone I padded back to my bedroom and flopped down on my soft bed. I reached over and pushed play on my iPod dock, hoping that some soothing music would help to drown out the questions that swarmed through my mind…

_**Love of mine**_

_**Someday you will die**_

_**But I'll be close behind, **_

_**I'll follow you into the dark.**_

_**No blinding light**_

_**Or tunnels to gaze of white**_

_**Just our hands clasped so tight**_

_**Waiting for, the hint of a spark.**_

I sighed. Death Cab for Cutie wasn't helping my emotional state but I was too exhausted and the melody was too peaceful to changed the song. I threw the blanket over my head and let sleep take me away…

-------------------

_**Dream Edward's POV**_

-------------------

"_Are you ever going to speak to me?" I whispered into Bella's ear. My voice was heavy with lust as I took her delicate earlobe into my mouth and greedily sucked on it. Bella arched her back and I watched her with hungry eyes as she laid her head back against me. _

"_Come on, tell me…say it." I said as I traced small circles onto her bare shoulder with my tongue. She wriggled in my grasp, anticipating my next move. My hand was trembling as I entwined it with hers and our hearts sped up to the same, erratic, tempo. _

"_Bella, Isabella." I growled a low, deep, growl and I could feel my eyes burning with desire. I bit down softly on her shoulder and her mouth fell open…_

_This was it…_

_Finally…_

_Just say my name…_

-------------------

_**Normal Edward's POV**_

_**-------------------**_

I sat up quickly, gasping for air. My body was covered with sweat and I was tingling in a different way entirely.

_Sick fuck._

I swallowed hard and tried to think of anything but the painful erection that was now trying to gain my full attention.

"WHAT?!" I yelled at it. _Have you completely lost your mind? Really? Yelling at your penis? That seems totally logical Edward. Perhaps if you do end up getting laid ever again you can try yelling at her tits and maybe they will do what you want. _

_Dumbass._

I looked at my clock and was pleased to find that I had been sleeping for a good seven hours. Wow, seven hours and not a word from Alice. I reached for my phone…

_45 New Text Messages._

"Uh…wow." I said. My voice was still thick with sleep and I had to clear my throat a few times to get the frog out. I made my way to the bathroom, clearing text messages from Alice as I went.

"_Jasper says I have to apologize. I'm sorry."_

"_You know what? No, I'm not sorry. You need my help with this and you know it!"_

"_Okay, maybe I am sorry…I forgot you hadn't slept. Well, I wasn't sure if you hadn't slept…I don't know. Call me when you get up!"_

"_Honestly, what human needs four hours of sleep?"_

"_EdwardEdwardEdwardEdward" _

"_Edward Cullen wears pantyhose" _

"_Edward Cullen likes cherry chapstick."_

…_Low blow pixie. Who doesn't like cherry chapstick? _

"_Call me when you wake up we have to plan this date!"_

"_OOO! You should wear that blue tshirt that shows off your nipples!"_

It was getting ridiculous and I scrolled through the remaining texts, sad that they were all from Alice. I deduced that Bella was still sleeping and that I shouldn't be expecting anything yet. Placing my cell phone on the counter and got out a towel that was neither green nor fluffy. I flipped on my shower as hot as it would go and removed my pajamas, shivering as the cold apartment air hit me.

"Well, at least that takes care of that pesky erection." I mumbled.

Steam was filling the bathroom quickly and I felt instantly calmed by the warm air and sound of the water. I climbed into the hot shower and finally relaxed…

--------------------------------------------------------

**Two days later**

I was missing that shower as I tried to desperately to ignore Alice. My sister was buzzing around my head while I was trying to reshelf books as quickly as possible.

"Good GOD Alice." I said in a harsh whisper, "You do realize I'm at work, don't you?" I said as I slammed 'Huck Finn' back into place. Alice rolled her eyes,

"It's a library, Edward." she said. I growled as I walked away, intent on making her disappear.

_It didn't work._

"You have a date tomorrow night Edward! And we haven't talked about it at all!" Alice said way too loudly. Michael shushed her and Alice glared, "I'm sorry, I'm not used to having to be quiet."

"I'm perfectly capable of constructing my own date, Alice." I hissed. Alice kicked me in the shins.

"Edward, you can go home if you'd like." Michael called from across the room. It was getting late and I was looking forward to hearing from Bella that night…

_At least I hope. _

"Let's go!" Alice grabbed my hand a pulled me towards the exit. I put on the brakes instantly and informed my sister that I needed to grab my jacket and my cell phone from the back room. Alice bounced, impatiently, in place. I returned quickly and we left the library for the evening and made our way to my apartment.

_Maybe I should start charging Alice rent. If she had to pay to hang out at my place maybe she wouldn't do it so much. Maybe I would be able to have a sex life. Maybe my door banging open wouldn't be such a normal sound. A guy can dream can't he?…_

"Wear that shirt I was telling you about. Don't roll your eyes at me! You know I'm right!" Alice scolded as she flew into full designer mode.

"Okay, Mom! Should I take out my retainer, too? You know, before I kiss her and such?" I said with a fake lisp. Alice couldn't help but laugh at this and she had to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to stop from falling over.

"Stop! You know that voice gets me every time. You're going to make me pee!" she giggled. I ruffled her hair and started walking ahead without her. We had a few peaceful minutes before Alice spoke up again,

"Do you think Bella will ever speak to you?" she asked. My mouth twitched into a small smile and I sighed before answering,

"I really have no idea. Sometimes I think she's perfectly happy not speaking to anyone. I feel selfish when I want her to speak but I really can't help it." I told her. Alice nodded and skipped next to me. She seemed to think for a few minutes before speaking,

"What if we took her out? Like, to a bar or something. Maybe if we got her into a social setting she would loosen up a bit." Alice bounced. I shook my head,

"No way. I don't think Bella would be into that at all. She's…kind of delicate." I stammered. Alice rolled her eyes,

"You're just way too protective." she told me. I said nothing and we continued the rest of our commute in silence.

Alice was coming to my apartment until Jasper got done with some business and they could go out for their "date night". I was counting down the minutes until I could be alone because I didn't want Alice to know that I was secretly freaking out about my date with Bella. If Alice knew I was as nervous as I was she would never shut up..

_Not that Alice ever shut up as it was. I was certain that the only time Alice was quiet was when she was scheming or recharging. Alice was a cyborg and I was going to prove it one day. _

"So are you taking her anywhere to eat before you go to the movies?" she called. I could hear the flipping of the pages of her magazine so I knew she wasn't totally engrossed in my answer.

"I'm not sure. I thought I would let her decide that." I called from the kitchen. Alice didn't say anything and I wondered if she had gotten choked on her magazine somehow…

_I wasn't sure how. Alice was not known for eating magazines. _

"Well, I'm sure you'll think of something." she said softly. I was shocked and fairly sure that my jaw was on the floor.

"You…are okay with that? You're okay with me not having a plan? Did Hell just freeze over? Alice, you ALWAYS have a response for what I should and should not do during dates. Hell, I think half of the girls that have slapped me should have slapped you too because of the amount of input you have in my relationships. What makes this so much different? Alice, are you maturing?" I asked staring at her. Concerned flashed across my sister's face,

"WHERE?!" She asked, touching her cheek as if she had a zit. I laughed loudly at her actions but, at the same time, I was very concerned about my sister's health. If she didn't care if I had made dinner plans or not I was not sure if I could go on with life.

"It's just…you always know what's best." I told her. Alice shrugged her tiny shoulders and I was starting to wonder if Jasper hadn't slipped something into her morning pot of coffee…

_And when I say "pot" of coffee I mean that. Alice drinks a "pot" of coffee every morning._

"Edward, this situation with Bella is so unique that I'm not entirely sure what you SHOULD do. I don't want to seem rude towards her so I don't feel like I should be making decisions as to what your date should be like." Alice said very maturely.

"Fifteen minutes ago you couldn't stop talking about how you wanted to help me with this date. What in the hell changed your mind?" I babbled. Alice laughed once,

"I guess it was when you said that Bella might be comfortable not talking. It's hard for me to imagine being comfortable with not speaking and I'm just trying hard to wrap my brain around what she must be feeling. Flashy clothes and fancy food might not be the best way to go about this date so I'm waiting for you to call the shots….I can only offer up my friendly advice." Alice said calmly. I began looking around for the candid camera crew but realized that we were all alone.

"…Thank you, Alice. Really, thank you." I said with a smile. Alice nodded,

"You're welcome." she said. Alice went back to reading her trashy magazine and I went back to cleaning up the apartment just in case Bella did want to come back after the movies. I doubted that she would but there was always a chance.

--------------------------------------------

"Did you like it? Did you really?" I asked enthusiastically as Bella and I left the theatre. I thought that this would be a nice treat for Bella, but I never imagined that I would have enjoyed it as much as I did.

_Calm down Edward…jeez. If you bounce anymore you're going to piss your pants._

Bella nodded joyously as we walked down the quiet sidewalk. It was dark now and the only people present were the ones vacating the theatre along with us. It was a calm, rain free, cloudless night as we strolled along together and my heart was happy that she had enjoyed herself.

"What was your favorite?" I asked as I bounced along beside her. Bella took out her cellphone and typed a message,

"Nosferatu." it read. I smiled and looked at her, she seemed to be blushing a bit and I couldn't help but chuckle. She pointed to me and raised her eyebrows in question,

"Me? Oh, uh…I really liked 'The Thief of Bagdad'. But I liked them all!" I said with a grin. Bella smiled at me and we continued on our way. It was awhile before I said anything because I wasn't sure if anything needed to be said. Bella and I had sat in silence during the entire film festival and it had been nice. I would have been lying if I said I wasn't worried about there being some sort of void where talking should go but there really wasn't. It had been wonderful to sit with her and enjoy the movies and smile and gasp at all the appropriate times. It had been nice to notice small details about her, myself, and our surroundings when I wasn't worried about filling every silent moment with sound.

When it was quiet…I could hear everything.

One thing was poking me in the back of my mind, though. And her name was Alice.

Alice had wanted me to ask Bella a question and I wasn't sure how that question would go over. I wasn't even sure if I had the balls to ask her, seeing as I was fairly certain I knew how that evening would progress. Still, somehow Alice would know if I hadn't asked her.

"Bella, my sister wanted me to ask you something…" I said quietly. Bella nodded, encouraging me to continue. I swallowed and decided that the best way to get it out was just to…get it out.

"She wanted me to ask you if you would like to go out with all of us some night soon." I blurted out. Bella stopped walking and turned to me. Fear flashed across her face and I was instantly upset with myself for even asking such a dumb question.

"I'm sorry. I'll tell her 'no'. I told her that you probably wouldn't want to go…it'd just been you, me, Alice, and her boyfriend Jasper. If you don't want to go it's perfectly fine." I tried to cover up the damage I was sure I had caused. Bella shook her head back and forth and held up her hands in an attempt to get me to shut up for a moment. I stopped talking and she took out her phone, writing me another message:

"I'll think about it. It's not that I don't want to hang out with you and I'm sure Alice and Jasper are wonderful…I'll just have to think about it." It read. I smiled at her…it was more than I could have asked for.

"Okay." I said.

Bella and I reached my car and I opened the door for her like a gentleman.

The ride home was a silent one. We listened to some music, but for the most part we just listened to the road.

_Well, Edward you didn't royally fuck it up. _

When we reached Bella's house I opened the door for her again and walked her to the front porch. Charlie was at work for the night so she would be alone again (an idea that I wasn't totally okay with), but she seemed to be confident in her ability to care for herself.

"Goodnight Bella Swan." I whispered with a smile as we stood facing each other by her front door. Bella grinned at me and the glow from her porch light illuminated the soft blush of her cheeks.

"Text me when you get home?" she wrote. I nodded quickly,

"Of course." I said. Bella seemed to think about something for a moment as she chewed on her bottom lip. She then looked at me and signed 'Thank you'.

"You're welcome. Thank you! I had so much fun." I said sincerely, because I had. Bella nodded, she seemed nervous and I was curious as to what was on her mind.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked her. Bella paused for a moment and then shook her head.

Then time slowed down.

Like in one of those god dammed, cheesy romance movie that Alice was always watching.

I never knew it actually went like this when you cared for a person, but as Bella leaned toward me I felt like I couldn't move.

_What was going to happen?_

_She's getting closer._

_Don't act stupid._

_Don't lick her face or anything._

Bella's face was becoming ever closer to mine…

_What the fuck do I do?_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N This was going to be a very profound author's note and now I've totally forgotten what I was going to say. Oh! Now I remember uh…thank you guys so much for the multitude of warm responses that I've gotten regarding this story. It's so completely overwhelming that I'm never quite sure if you are aware of how much it means to me. I plan on doing my personal shout outs at the beginning of the next chapter (since it is a very crucial chapter) and there weren't TOO many questions regarding the previous chapter. So remember that you can always ask me questions I will always address them in my author's note. There were a lot of shouts of "KISS HER KISS HER!" from everyone but I hope that you all will understand why I chose to go with what I did. **

**As always: Read, Review, and ENJOY! **

**Also, go read "Collide" by twi_ction. She is my favorite person of all time. I love her. "Collide" is by FAR my favorite AH of all time. **

**Xoxo**

**-Jill**

**OH! Also, someone (and forgive me for not mentioning your username…it has completely flown from my mind) suggested that a really cool companion for this fic would be outtakes of Edward and Alice growing up, interacting, little cut scenes from this fic…etc, etc, PLEASE let me know if you think this would be a good idea. Thanks! You guys rock! **

**PS. - one more thing and I'll leave you guys alone. It seems that I have lost track of time and have no idea what day of the week it is. OH! I guess it is a Sunday considering the movie fest was on a Saturday. Well there we go! ****J crisis solved. I was going to suggest it was a Thursday but apparently not. I guess this tops last chapter's a/n…alright go read!**

**-------------------**

**Edward's POV**

**-------------------**

_Shit, shit, shit, what do I do? What do I do? _

_Stop being a pansy, it would probably help._

_Fuck you._

Bella's lips were getting increasingly closer to my face. At the last second I turned my head swiftly to the side and her soft lips touched my cheek very lightly. The song "Come on get happy!", instantly began playing in my head and all I could do was giggle like some sort of idiot. I shut my mouth right away, afraid that Bella would think I was some sort of lunatic. Bella grinned though, that happy little grin of hers. She raked her hand through her hair and bounded inside without another moment's hesitation.

Me? I stood there for a moment in happy bliss. I then proceeded to salute the door, do a little jig, and make my way back to the car.

The open road was all mine as I sped back to my apartment. I had the music up loud and I was singing along. It had been a kiss on the cheek but it had been great progress on Bella's part. I hadn't thought of a kiss…

_Oh, come on! Of course you have! You woke up with a boner for her. _

Still, even if I had experienced those thoughts I never intended to act on them. Not in a million years. Not until I knew, for a fact, that Bella was ready for that sort of thing. I would never have guessed that she would be the one to pursue such it. A kiss was just a kiss, it wasn't an invitation for more, it wasn't an inkling that more advanced activities would follow…it was just a kiss. A simple peck on the cheek. A peck on the cheek like one would give their grandmother…

_If my grandmother resembled Bella in any way I would have serious problems. And a hard on for grandma isn't anything to snicker at. "Yes I am 'getting so big' grandma *wink wink*" …Ew. Barf. Maybe I should just drive myself off the side of the road for that comment. _

Bella Swan had kissed me! I wondered if Alice knew yet. How would she? Bella had never exchanged phone numbers with Alice. Somehow though, I had a feeling she knew something had happened. Without another moment's hesitation my phone went off, blasting Alice's loud, unique ringtone and making me about pee my pants.

_I foresee adult diapers in my future._

"YES MA'AM?!" I asked happily over the phone.

"Dear God, did your dick find the water jet in a pool or something? I haven't heard you so happy in a while." Alice snickered. I swerved a bit. My giggles were almost scary as I responded to her query and Alice could help but laugh at me.

"Oh my, what happened?" She asked through her peals of laughter. I stopped at the one stop sign that was in between me and home, paused for a moment, and continued on my pleasant drive.

"No, Alice. She kissed me!" I cheered. Alice sounded like she had choked on something and my dirty mind immediately wondered if Jasper was there.

"Say what?!" the pixie exclaimed. I chuckled,

"Yep! Right on the cheek!" I sounded like a seven-year old but I didn't particularly care at that moment. My sister was silent for a moment,

"Well, you've got to start somewhere." she commented happily. I nodded though she couldn't see me.

"Ooo! Is she going out with us?!" Alice spazzed.

"She told me she would have to think about it. You can't rush things with her Al, you just can't." I commented.

"Aww…well, I hope she decides to come along. Maybe you and Jazzy can sing for us!" Alice said.

"I want her to like me, not be completely mortified." I mumbled.

Alice and I continued our conversation for a few more moments until she shrieked that she had just spilt her glass of wine all over the cat and she had to go. I was about to comment that she didn't own a cat, but she hung up on me before I had the chance to remind her. The rest of my drive home was short and uneventful and I ended up falling asleep on my couch a few moments after I had gotten home.

I awoke at three in the morning to the sound of my phone receiving a text message. I flipped it open and peered at the screen through bleary eyes.

**3 NEW MESSAGES.**

Two were from my sister but the newest one was from Bella. I skipped the one's from Alice and opened Bella's immediately,

"I never heard from you, I'm worried. Hopefully you just fell asleep. Thanks again for the night! Please let me know that you're alright."

I quickly sent a reply, all the while swearing at myself,

"I'm so sorry! I fell asleep on the couch as soon as I walked into my apartment. I'm alright so don't worry. Get some sleep, it's late. I'll talk to you soon. J" I hit send and then turned my attention to Alice's two messages.

"Don't be mad at me." the first one read. I could feel my eyebrows pull together in confusion.

"OH yeah, and her name is Houdini." the second one informed me. As if on cue, I heard the unmistakable sound of a cat meowing emanating from my bathroom.

_Fuck._

------------------------------------

"But I'm allergic!" I ranted as Alice stood in front of me, deciding on what muffin she wanted to partake in. I could almost hear her eyes roll as she continued to ignore me. Finally, she decided on a blueberry muffin and ordered a double shot espresso to go with it…

_Yeah, because she OBVIOUSLY needs more caffeine. _

I kept my mouth shut about her beverage choices and just ordered my black coffee without any snide comments. The girl behind the counter smiled at me sweetly but I did nothing but grumble and thrust a five dollar bill into her tiny hand.

_So I didn't really feel like being kind to her? I had woken up to a damn cat in my apartment! I didn't have to justify my actions…_

_Oh, fine!_

"Thanks. Oh, and you have a great day." I winked at the girl but it probably came across more as a twitch due to my lack of sleep.

_There. Ya happy?! _

"Well she bit Jasper, peed on one of his dress shirts, and then hid under the couch. What was I supposed to do?" Alice pouted as she waited for her drink and muffin. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger.

"I would guess that you probably shouldn't break into my apartment, WHILE I'M SLEEPING, to deposit a cat that could potentially kill me!" I hissed. Alice scoffed and led me to an open booth across the café.

"Oh, stop it. She won't kill you! She's just a tiny kitten." she said bitterly. I stared at her like she had just forgotten her own name.

"Do you NOT remember the very eventful visit to Aunt Beth's?" I asked as I sipped on my steaming hot coffee.

"You mean the ONLY visit to Aunt Beth's?" Alice asked. I nodded enthusiastically,

"Yeah…there's a reason we've only been there once. Do you not remember?" I asked her. Alice shrugged. Alice had a selective memory and if it wasn't particularly important to her or her wardrobe then it was discarded to make room for information that WAS of Alice-importance.

"I don't remember anything that eventful. OH! Her cat barfed on my shoe! Oh, that was awful." Alice said with disgust. I rolled my eyes,

"Yeah, do you remember which cat? The woman had fourteen of them! How can you not remember? They bit and scratched me and then three of them slept on my face and five others slept in my general vicinity. Dad put me in the hospital for observation because my throat closed!" I snapped. Alice's little mouth formed an "o" as if she suddenly remembered the memory that was engrained on my mind forever.

"Ohhh yeahhhhh. Now I do remember because Mom and I walked around the store forever trying to find you a toy and I got in trouble for wanting to get you a cat puzzle. That's when I learned what being "insensitive" meant." Alice recalled fondly. "Man, that must have been terrible for you." she said as her tiny eyebrows pulled together in concern.

"Yeah! It was! So you can imagine how flinging a cat into my apartment gives me flashbacks to the war zone!" I huffed. Alice sighed,

"Okay, okay, fine. I think Emmett would take her…Emmett likes cute things." Alice said.

"Then why is he dating Rosalie?" I responded. Alice gave me a high-five without even looking at me.

We sat in relative silence for a few minutes while I stared out the window of the café into the dull, gray morning. Alice was sending a few rapid fire text messages to Jasper who was on his way to meet us so he could take Alice shopping and I could have my car for the rest of the day.

_The poor bastard. _

The library was closed on Sundays so I was going to take this day to pace around my apartment for seven hours until I got up the nerve to ask Bella if she wanted to go get ice cream or something. By the time I would get around to asking her chances are it would be too late and I will have wasted a day acting like a nervous little acne-ridden high school boy.

_But we would see how the day would go. _

"So, has she said anything yet? About the weekend?" Alice pestered me as she put her phone down.

_I wonder if her phone is hot enough to cook an egg on. I also wonder what would happen if I held it for ransom for a day. Note to self: Steal Alice's phone for fun someday. _

"Alice, it's been less than 24 hours. I highly doubt that she has had time to even think about it. She does sleep. She isn't a vampire." I said. Alice rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me.

"…do you really like her? I mean really, really, like her?" She asked after a few moments of odd silence. I cocked my head to the side to possibly examine my sister's query from a different perspective. I had never been asked that question by an outside source and it took me a moment to formulate the correct response.

_Bella made me smile more than I had in God knows how long. _

_She made me feel like I had some sort of purpose in life even though I had never heard the sound of her voice. _

_She was beautiful and kind. _

_With Bella I felt meaningful and happy. _

"Yes." I answered. Alice's tiny face lit up and she bounced a bit.

"Oh, Edward! I'm so happy!" She squealed and the barista stared at me like I had just beat a puppy. I kicked Alice's shin to get her to stop but she ignored me.

_Did espresso give her super powers?_

"Alice, stop squealing!" I hissed. She continued her ridiculous victory dance so I decided to really hit home,

"Alice if you don't stop this I will take all of your credit cards and shred them." I whispered viciously. Alice stopped instantly and the most serious expression I had ever seen on her was plastered across her face.

"Never, ever, EVER joke about that." she said. You would have though I killed someone but apparently threatening to take away her credit cards was just as bad in her book.

We chatted about random things (mainly her persistent request that I promise to ask Bella about the weekend) until Jasper came and picked her up. I saluted the calm Texan and mouthed "good luck"…he nodded, looking nervous, and Alice pulled him away for an endless day of shopping bag holding.

_My forearms do NOT miss that Hell._

I sat in the café for awhile, pondering the rest of my day. I could easily just stay home for the day and read and clean. It was strange though, for the first time that I could possibly remember, I didn't feel like being alone.

_You want Bella's companionship you twat._

I sighed a bit. A free day and I wasn't sure what to do. If I sent Bella a text then it was possible that I would be smothering her. I did not want to smother her. Then again what if she was waiting patiently by her phone WAITING for me to smother her? I opened and closed my phone about twenty-three times before stuffing it into my pocket and leaving the café. I would deal with my indecisiveness later.

Finally, after driving around for some time, I decided that visiting my parents would probably make my day a whole lot better. Perhaps I would play the piano for awhile, something I hadn't **really** gotten to do for some time.

_Playing frustrated while I waited for dinner that one night after my first encounter with Bella did not count._

I pulled up to the large home to find my parents sitting happily on the front porch enjoying the rumbles of thunder from the approaching storm.

"Edward! What a pleasant surprise. We weren't expecting to see you today. How are you sweetie? How'd the big date go?" My mother started in immediately. I would humor her. After all, I was still feeling giddy from the night before and felt like spilling my emotions to someone.

"It was great! I loved it, she loved it. It was a really nice festival and really fun. It was nice." I said with a smile. My mother grinned at me happily,

"Good!" she cheered. Carlisle leaned over to ask me a question,

"Has she said anything yet?" he asked seriously. I had forgotten that Alice had informed them that Bella did not talk. The good thing was that Carlisle had turned his attention away from his persistent quest to find me a girlfriend…the bad thing was that he had now turned his full attention to researching everything he could find about being mute. Carlisle had a lot of books.

"No." I said simply. I contemplated something for a moment but then decided to say it anyway,

"And, you know, if she never speaks it's fine with me. We communicate just find through different means. I care about Bella and I just want her to be happy." I said confidently. Both of my parents smiled at me this time and I felt a rush of happiness flood me.

"Does Bella have a last name?" my mother asked. It had never occurred to me that I hadn't told them much about Bella…not even her last name.

"Yeah, uh…it's Bella Swan." I said. My mother looked like she recognized the name for the briefest of moments before gently shaking her head.

"Sounds familiar but I'm just probably confusing her with someone else." she said kindly.

"Invite for dinner Sunday night! Alice told me you kids are going out on Friday. Bring her over! It would be fantastic to meet her." Carlisle said. I resisted the urge to go club Alice in the head.

"Bella hasn't said for sure if she wants to go out with us or not. I don't want to freak her out too much…she has some confidence issues. Well, I don't know if they're confidence issues but she's a bit uncomfortable around new people…or maybe it's just me." I rambled for a moment, "But you've raised Alice and you know how persistent she is so I will ask Bella to come to dinner if it will make you happy." I concluded. They both beamed at me and nodded,

"Now, ask Bella what she likes to eat so I know what to grab at the grocery later." my mother instructed me.

"Yes, ma'am. Now, have I successfully answered all of your riddles? May I pass? I want to play around on the piano for awhile." I said. Carlisle's comment flew out of his mouth before he could stop himself,

"While you're waiting for your balls to grow before you decide whether or not to call and ask Bella out for the night?" he said quickly.

"CARLISLE!" my mother scolded.

"DAD!" I yelled shocked. Carlisle look appalled at his own comment,

"Blame your sister, she sent me a text earlier about how you seemed nervous and something about balls. I regret getting unlimited text messaging." he mumbled. I nervously chuckled,

"Well you need it after that $1,000 dollar cell phone bill. That was an interesting day in the Cullen house." I recalled fondly. My mother nodded enthusiastically and Carlisle sighed.

"Go compose. We've kept you from what you want to do with your day off long enough." my mother said, motioning me inside the house. I tipped my head and bounced inside my childhood home.

The piano was familiar under my touch and I sat there for a good six hours playing away. I opened my mind as my fingers gently stroked the keys and I thought of nothing but Bella. It wasn't like I was trying to only think of her…my mind just chose my subject for me.

I thought her radiating smile and they was she always smelled heavenly. I thought of how she had started to drag me out of a very dark time in my life and how I was so happy that she had happened into the library that day. I thought how it was possible that I was taking it too fast but how I wasn't really trying to. I thought of her eyes and her lips and her hair. I thought of all the emotions she made me feel and how it both terrified and delighted me at the same time. The melody that these thoughts created completely engrossed me and I felt myself living the tune.

"That's the most beautiful thing I think I've ever heard you play." my mother's voice was soft as she stood in the doorway of the room. I stopped for a moment and turned to her,

"Thank you. I don't know where it came from." I said. She smiled,

"I think I know." she said with a wink. She left me to my instrument and I turned back to the piano. I was about to put my hands on the keys when my phone went off with a new text message.

"_Okay, I think I'm up to going out. I'll talk to you later" - _BELLA.

I grinned widely and the melody took me away once more.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Bet you never thought I would get two updates in one week! But I felt the need to write this chapter considering it's importance. BUT I also write this chapter to make way for Chapter 11. This Chapter (chapter 10) will be filled with more laughter and jokes and the possibility of character's with no pants. This is a light chapter with happiness and good times and important talks. Pay attention my dears!**

**Avasmom: That conversation is coming.**

**thalia-csiny: I understand how life has a way with messing with schedules...thank you for the kind review! And we will learn soon how that conversation will go.**

**hammondgirl: You always make me giggle with your lovely reviews. Thank you so much! And Bella didn't feel too rejected by Edward. Don't worry, she'll get her time.**

**Little Miss Whitlock: I'm sorry I taunted you with my update! Your reviews always make me smile. Thank you for the hugs and the time you take to review!**

**rebecca's mom: I'm glad you enjoyed the light and happiness! And yes, outtakes of E&A growing up would be funny.**

**and, of course, twi-ction: You are my sunshine...my only sunshine...you make me happyyy when we wordwhore..you'll never know DEAR how much I love yewww please don't take my Jackson awayyy. ILY! And no, I didn't mean there to be a "J" when Edward sent her a text back. Apparently FF decided to change all my smiley-faces into "J"s. Interesting. I always look forward to your feedback the most. You are the greatest author I know. Seriously. You always know how to make my day.  
**

**Go read "Collide" by twi-ction. NOW!**

**PS: Bella's drunken text is kind of reflection of my own. Twi_ction can confirm that my spelling, when I'm intoxicated, plummets to the ground and explodes in a fiery array of misspelled words and broken sentences. So enjoy that! **

**THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!!!!!! Seriously, you don't know how great it makes me (and other authors I'm sure) when we get a review that is more than just "I like!" though I do appreciated every single one...even if it is just, "I like!" so please review and enjoy!!!  
**

**Xoxox,**

**-Jill**

**-----------------------------------**

**Bella's POV (I know! Shocking right?!)**

**-----------------------------------**

I did not have the slightest idea what I was doing.

How could I possibly think going out with Edward and his sister and some boy named Jasper would be a good idea? I hadn't been out with other people for years and years and I was socially awkward enough without having to balance a drink and possibly dancing all at the same time.

If Edward makes me dance…

I shook any thought of dancing out of my mind as I hurried about my room trying to figure out what to wear. Three pairs of jeans, seven shirts, and four shoe changes later Charlie knocked softly on my door before coming in.

"Bella?" he said curiously. I dropped the heel I was holding and turned around quickly. Charlie surveyed the catastrophe my room had become and stared at me, very confused.

"Uh…what's up?" he said. I smiled at him and grabbed my notebook off of my desk. Charlie had become so patient with me over the years that he could probably wait for hours for me to write a note. I finished with a big smiley face and showed it to him.

"_Going out with Edward Cullen, Alice Cullen, and Jasper Hale. A date…I guess. YAY! (:" _

Charlie's jaw fell open and I half expected his lunch to hop out and run away.

"You…have a date? An actual date? As in, Edward is a boy and you are a girl and you are going out on a date? FANTASTIC! I mean, of course I'm worried and I hope you think you're up to it. But Bells, you're 21...I think it's time you date. Are you sure you're up to it? Is Edward Cullen Dr. Carlisle Cullen's son? That is a nice family. A very nice family. Is Alice his sister?" Charlie had been successful in asking me a billion questions at once and it took me a couple of minutes to answer all of them.

"_Yes. I have a date. I've had a few dates with him. He bought me coffee not too long ago and he was the person I went to the film festival with the other night…I didn't go alone like you thought I did. This is the first time we're going out with other people. Yes, I think I'm up to it. I'm a little nervous and it will certainly be different from what I'm used to but it's now or never and I REALLY like Edward. Edward is Dr. Cullen's son and yes, Alice is his sister but she's more of a half sister. Well, not really…I mean, she is his half sister but they are very close. I'm excited to meet her." _I held up the note pad and shook my hand several times to get the feeling to return.

"Alright then, it's up to you. I'm just really glad you decided to step out of your own comfort zone. Who knew going to the library every day could possibly get you a social life. Have fun Bella, send me a text when you decide to come home." Charlie said. I nodded and he began to leave,

"Oh, or if…you know…if you decide to stay." he added with a sly smirk. I threw my shoe at him and he laughed all the way down the hall. I rolled my eyes and continued with the task of picking an outfit to wear.

My phone went off loudly and I jumped mid rummage.

"_READY FOR TONIGHT?" - Edward_

"_No, I can't find anything to wear and I'm nervous." _I sent quickly. He was quick to respond,

"_Anything you wear will be perfect. I'll pick you up in an hour."_ -_Edward._

I couldn't help but blush. Was Edward Cullen hitting on me? Yes Bella! Jeez! Get it through your head that Edward likes you. Edward really likes you and he likes you for who you are.

That felt amazing.

Inexplicably amazing.

I tore my thoughts away from Edward to find that I still didn't have an outfit to wear. Finally, I decided that there was no way in Hell I was going to wear heels. I had enough to worry about for the evening and I didn't need to add my coordination to the list. I slipped on my favorite pair of jeans and a dark green peasant shirt I had purchased at the mall on one of my rare trips. I put on a comfy pair of brown ballet flats and decided that I looked like a complete dork but it was going to have to do.

I curled my hair while I danced to The Ting Tings and did my make-up while swaying to Death Cab for Cutie. I was all ready and still had a good twenty minutes before Edward was going to pick me up. Charlie had already left for his shift so I sat downstairs and read until I heard a soft knock on the front door.

"Hello. Bella, you look great." Edward's voice was as soft and as kind as it ever had been and it made my heart flutter. I bit my lip and looked down nervously to try and escape his gaze.

"Are you read to go?" He asked. I nodded, grabbed my purse off of the chair, and locked the door behind me.

"We have to swing back by my apartment before we head to the pub, if that's alright. We're meeting Alice and Jasper there but Alice forgot her purse and I told her we would bring it." Edward said as he opened the car door for me. I still wasn't used to his chivalry but I did my best to not seem nervous.

Edward climbed into the driver's seat of his sporty Volvo and clicked his seatbelt into place.

"Would you like to listen to some music?" he asked. If I didn't know better I would of thought Edward Cullen was just as nervous as I was. I nodded and he hit the play button on his CD player. Loud rock came spilling out of the speakers and it took me a moment to realize that I actually liked the tune.

"I hope you like 'The All-American Rejects', this is their new album." Edward said as he turned the volume down to a tolerable level.

I nodded and smiled. 'The All-American Rejects' were one of my favorite bands. Then again, I liked most music.

We sped along the highway at time with the song and I found myself oddly comfortable in the passenger seat. Edward was all smiles as he drummed the steering wheel lightly and I was ever so curious to know what thoughts were swirling through his mind.

Soon, we pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex and parked next to a blue motorbike.

"Hmm, I wonder how Jasper got her on that thing." I heard Edward mummer as he got out of the car. I was about to open my own door when I discovered it was being held open for me. I blushed and stepped out of the car onto the pavement.

I looked at Edward, curious of his last comment, and he smiled.

"That's Jasper's motorbike and I'm just wondering how in the hell he got my sister on it." He said, pointing at the blue bike. I cocked my head to the side and shrugged my shoulders, Edward chuckled and we started walking towards his apartment,

"Oh, that explains it." Edward said as we passed a bright yellow Porsche. I stared at the pretty car for a moment before following Edward up a few flights of stairs toward our destination.

"I guess they had already left for the pub when Al called me." Edward tried to make conversation as we walked but it ended up being a short walk so there was little need for words.

"Ta-da. It isn't much." Edward said as he opened his front door. The apartment was nice and cool and everything seemed to be in it's place. I liked it, it felt homey. I smiled at him and he returned the sentiment with his goofy grin.

I strolled around the apartment while Edward hunted for his sister's purse. He had hundreds of books all crammed tightly onto shelves and I was instantly in awe of his vast collection. We shared many of the same tastes but I was also intrigued by some titles I had never heard of before. His music collection was very similar, with CD's crammed into crates which were stacked next to his stereo.

I was thumbing through his equally large DVD collection when Edward appeared, purse in hand. I couldn't help but giggle and he instantly folded the cute little bag in half so it didn't appear to be his.

"See something you like?" he asked me. I quickly scribbled a response,

"Everything." I wrote. He laughed,

"Yeah, I have a lot of…stuff." he commented. I ran a hand through my hair awkwardly and Edward motioned towards the door.

"Are you ready?" he asked. I said nothing but walked toward the door, anxious to get this whole shenanigan over with.

"What's a good drink to get?" I wrote on our way back down the stairs. Edward chuckled as if he knew something I didn't.

"Uh…they make their stuff pretty strong. So, I apologize in advance for anything I might do that may come across as embarrassing/cringe-worthy/stupid or anything akin to that. Alice has a tendency to force alcohol upon me and watch me go. Anyway, uh…they have a good rum and coke and a good electric lemonade." he said. I nodded and tried to decide what I would order and, more specifically, **how** I would order without looking dumb. Somehow, I still don't know how, Edward must have been able to read my thoughts because he stopped abruptly on the stairs and turned to me with a look of concern on his face.

"If you want me to order for you just tell me what you want…that's not a problem." he said with a smile. My heart soared and I nodded enthusiastically.

"How far is the pub?" I "asked" as soon as we were back on the sidewalk. Edward pointed toward the street and I craned my neck to see.

"It's just down the road, not that far of a walk at all." he said. We continued our brisk walk as Edward chatted about Alice and Jasper and how they had all come to know each other. I was excited to meet Jasper and Alice more than I thought I would be. I was nervous as hell, but excited nonetheless.

"EDWARD!" a high voice came out of nowhere as we entered the pub. Suddenly Edward was attacked by a blur of black hair and giggles I assumed to be Alice.

"Alice, Alice calm down. Alice…this is Bella." Edward turned the tiny human to face me and she grinned widely.

"HI BELLA! I'm Alice. It's so nice to meet you!" she cheered. I couldn't help but smile at her. Alice seemed warm and genuinely kind and I instantly liked her. It seemed silly now, to think that I was afraid of meeting Alice Cullen. She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the bar as Edward struggled to keep up.

"Don't yank her arm off, Alice. I'd like to keep her in one piece if at all possible." Edward scolded as I was plopped onto a bar stool by an excited Alice.

"Oh, you hush." Alice said. Edward rolled his eyes and leaned against the bar.

"Where is Jazz?" Edward asked. Alice had been chatting away to me about the music currently playing and asking me what kind of music I liked. I could hardly write fast enough to respond.

"Right here." a tall man with a warm southern accent strode up to our small group and handed a beer to Edward.

"Hey Jasper…this is Bella." Edward motioned to me and I smiled shyly. Jasper grinned and shook my hand,

"Well, it is very nice to meet you Miss Bella. Edward speaks very highly of you." Jasper seemed just as kind as Alice and I felt oddly comforted in his presence. His hair was unruly like Edward's but more of a blonde mass instead Edward's gorgeous bronze locks.

Oh. My. God. Did I just refer to Edward as having gorgeous bronze locks? Good thing I couldn't talk.

"What would you like to drink?" Edward leaned in close and whispered in my ear. His voice sent shivers down my spine and I had to clear my mind for a moment before I could answer him.

"Cosmopolitan, please." I scribbled on my notepad. Alice grinned and smacked me on the back,

"I like her!" she chirped. Jasper snorted a bit of beer out of his nose as he laughed at his girlfriend. It was odd for me to feel this warm of a welcome amongst a group of people I barely knew (besides Edward), but that didn't erase the fact that I felt completely accepted around Jasper and Alice. Neither of them had mentioned anything about my lack of speech or my awkwardness or my shyness. Alice spoke to me as if she had known me her entire life and Jasper was possibly the kindest man, aside from Edward, I had ever met in my entire life. Why had I never tried this friends thing before?

"So, Bella, may I ask where you went to high school?" Jasper asked after a few more drinks. I was careful to monitor how much I drank on account of my means of communication. If I drank too much there was no telling what my handwriting would look like.

"I was home schooled…for a few different reasons. How about you?" I wrote carefully. Jasper chuckled,

"I went to high school in Texas but I went to college here with these two lovely people." Jasper said, throwing his arm around Alice and kissing her head tenderly. I beamed at the affection he showed for her. I had only known Jasper and Alice for a little while but it was not hard to pick up on the warm love that circulated around the young couple. It was wonderful to watch them interact, almost like watching a nice romantic movie but not the cheesy romantic movies that are mass marketed in the present cinema. No, Jasper and Alice were like an old Hollywood romance, back when film was golden and acting was true.

"Oh, you came along when Alice was calm. Lucky bastard." Edward muttered into his drink and Alice punched him in the stomach causing him to dribble just a bit.

"When Alice was calm?" I scribbled. Edward read my joke and laughed loudly, causing Jasper to take my notepad and see for himself.

"HAHA! And the newbie makes her first joke. Good job Bella!" Jasper patted me on the back and I blushed. Alice had two very choice words for me which shook me to my core,

"Shopping. Trip." she whispered.

"Alice, please don't kill my girlfr--..Bella. Please don't kill Bella." Edward drained the rest of his drink in one gulp as I eyed him curiously. Was he about to say "girlfriend"? Was he about to admit something?

Suddenly, Edward grabbed my hand and whirled me out to the small dance floor. We danced haphazardly to Death Cab for Cutie's "Title and Registration". It warmed my heart that he had chosen to pull me to him when one of my favorite songs had started playing.

How did he know?

He didn't.

Did he sense it?

Maybe.

I didn't care how he knew, just that he did. The fact that Edward Cullen and I both enjoyed the same music was just another checkmark I could add to the list of reasons why I should allow myself to fall for him. The mental list consisted of so many random things:

His smile.

He was persistent with me.

His hair was adorable.

He smelled great every time I was with him.

I liked the sound of his voice.

He seemed natural.

He loved books.

He treated me like I was a normal person.

When I needed him, he came.

He liked the same music I liked.

Did I mention he treated me like I was normal?

He twirled me and I clumsily stumbled around until I landed safely back against him.

"Are we drunk?" he asked. I was feeling warm and fuzzy but not drunk. I wasn't sure if Edward was drunk, nor did I care. In fact, Edward could have been completely smashed and I wouldn't have cared on little bit. I was having the best night I had experienced in years and I wasn't about to let anything get in my way. I hadn't been pushed to say a single word, no one had asked me why I hadn't ordered my own drinks, or said anything. It was obvious that Alice and Jasper had been warned ahead of time but still, it was so nice to not be questioned. I had grown up with thousands of questions thrown at me everyday by everyone.

Doctors: "We'll have to run some tests. Bella, will you please speak? Will you please tell me why you won't speak?"

My father: "Bella, dammit, this has gone on long enough. You know how to speak! Will you please speak for me?"

Strangers: "Why won't your daughter talk?"

Kids in the park: "What's wrong with you?"

I liked Edward, Jasper, and Alice.

The night ticked on and Edward was singing along to "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds in a thick, drunken, low voice which did nothing short of turn me on. Jasper appeared out of nowhere and whispered something to a very drunk Edward. Before any of us knew it Jasper and Edward were up on stage and Alice was at my side bouncing around to invisible music.

"Oh boy, now were really in for it." she said. I raised my eyebrows and scribbled her a drunken note,

"Wat u meen?" I was hopeful that she would be able to understand.

"Jazzy and Eddie are known for their drunken adventures on stage. Very well known." Alice slurred. I was intrigued by this and leaned against Alice as I watched Jasper strap on a guitar and Edward sit down at the piano.

I had no idea Edward played the piano.

"Eddie plais peeano?" I wrote sloppily. Alice giggled,

"Very, very, veryveryveryvery…where am I? Oh! Very, very, well." she beamed. It was obvious that Edward and Alice had a very good relationship and it was lovely to see her so proud of her brother. Even if we were all hammered.

I clapped very loudly when Edward played a jazzy tune on the keys as a warm-up. I wanted him to know that I was there for him even if I couldn't cheer like Alice.

"GO GET 'EM JAZZY!" she hollered. I didn't feel too bad, Alice Cullen yelled loud enough for the two of us. Edward giggled into the microphone that was sitting on top of the piano and Jasper mumbled something incoherently into his microphone.

They played for an hour and it was wonderful. They stumbled through, "The times they are a changing" by Bob Dylan which was enhanced by Jasper's lovely southern accent. Edward's low and sexy voice added a new spin to the song, "Can't take my eyes off of you."

It was only when they played their own version of, "All my loving" by The Beatles did things get interesting. The events that followed their final notes would ultimately lead to my tears and a whole new outlook on what it meant to fall head over heels for someone.

The whole pub erupted into cheers and applause after the final note which resulted in Jasper pulling down his pants and showing off his shamrock boxers to every customer in the establishment. Alice gasped audibly, muttered something about "Not again.", and rushed up on stage to pull her very intoxicated love off to the side. Edward chuckled and played a comical tune on the ivories,

"Looks like it's all me now." he said. Jasper cheered,

"Go get 'em!" the Texan slurred. Alice sighed and tried to pull his pants back up to no avail.

"Jasper, you are such a pain sometimes." she told him. Jasper held his head up and stared at his girlfriend for a good minute before leaning in,

"Balls in your face." he said matter-of-factly. Alice rolled her eyes,

"See what I have to deal with when we drink? I mean, I'm pretty gone right now and I'm still annoyed." she told me. I giggled and turned my attention back to Edward and the magic he was working on the piano.

"This is…uh, for Bella. For uh, well, so she'll…know." he slurred into the microphone. I was instantly intrigued by his words and ever curious to know what he meant by that. Alice gasped and I heard her mutter, "oh." before turning her full attention to her brother. He paused for a moment, chuckled only to himself, and laid his hands delicately on the keys.

The melody that followed could have reduced statues to tears.

He hummed into the microphone for a few measure before her got up the nerve to sing the lyrics, and his words sent shivers down my spine.

"You don't know it but I hear you,

trust me when I say that every time you smile

I hear your voice soft and sweet,

just for me.

Oh, it's just for me.

Everything was dark and dreary

My world was bathed in grays and blues.

In dark-toned hues.

Oh, oh, oh.

Coffee and cigarettes.

Late-nights and oh…so…many regrets.

But you don't know

How you changed my world

And oh…now…how it glows!

You don't know it but I hear you.

Trust me when I say I hear you.

Your voice it spills through

Tears you've shed

Books you've read

It comes right through in your smile.

God, I love your smile.

Your eyes they sing

Sweet melodies of everything.

And you've changed my life so much.

That now I don't feel so out of touch.

And this song really doesn't make much….......sense, haha.

But I guess that's alright.

Because I've got you in my sight

Yeah, you don't know but I can hear your voice.

Your soft and lovely voice.

I long to know your past.

Everything has gone so fast.

But I don't mind,

If you don't mind.

God, please don't mind.

You've made it all okay,

You've turned my night into the day,

And will you trust me when I say,

That I can hear your voice…

Please trust me when I say I hear your voice,

So I guess that you do know…

That Bella, you're my one and only…choice."

….

Tears upon tears were streaming down my face. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. Edward was staring at the microphone, visibly shaking. It was obvious that he was nervous, no matter how drunk he was, about my reaction to the song he had just sang. His words were beautiful, true, and for me. Just for me. I rushed up to the stage and stood staring at Edward. He grinned at me and I did the one thing I had wanted to do since the silent film festival. I grabbed him by the shoulders and placed a meaningful kiss on his lips. Then, I did the only thing I could think of…I bolted.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid Bella. Why in the holy Hell would I run? What a ridiculous idea. I stopped just outside the pub and it didn't take but a second for Edward to catch up with me,

"Bella! Bella. Jesus, Bella…I'm, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened I just--" I stopped him so I could write something halfway coherent.

"Sorry. No, you…you're beautiful. That song, it meant the world to me. I loved every word. It just…everyone was staring. It made me nervous but I couldn't tell them to stop staring." It took me a few seconds to make sure I spelled everything right, I was still pretty drunk. Edward read it quickly and gave me a look that would make anyone feel special.

"Bella, I meant every word. Trust me. I'm sorry everyone stared, I just…forget. When I'm drunk, I just see the piano and tonight I only saw the piano and you. I only ever see you. I'm sorry if it seems that I'm going too fast I just…I don't know. Since I met you everything has made so much more sense. It hasn't been that long at all and stop me if I'm acting crazy but…I just…I like you. I like you a lot." Edward's words flew out of his mouth at an incredible rate but I was able to pay attention to everything he said.

"I feel it too. I feel it all and I just know that there is something different about us. There is something different about you. You are incredible and you treat me like I'm a person. Thank you, thank you, you are amazing........ You're my choice." I wrote.

Edward took my notepad and read my message through a good fives times. Then, he threw my notepad to the ground and moved in closer. His arms encircled my waist, he leaned in so that his cool breath swept across my lips, my eyes fluttered close and then ---

"Oh my god, Bella are you okay?! I'm so sorry Bella. Jasper stop it!" Alice, dragging a handsy Jasper, came shuffling out of the pub.

"Edward, that was beautiful but Bella I'm sorry about everyone staring. I'm really sorry, I know that had to have been uncomfortable." Alice said. I appreciated her sentiment but I was sad that Edward had moved away from me.

"It's okay! I'm fine now." I had picked up my notepad and scribbled her a note. Alice smiled,

"Can we go home? I think Bella needs rest." Jasper babbled. I was shocked at how clear he sounded and Edward couldn't help but laugh at his best friend.

I was instantly reminded that I was supposed to text Charlie and tell him where I was staying. I whipped out my cell phone and spent the better part of a minute composing a text message that sounded halfway clear before I sent it to my father.

"Ready?" Edward offered me his hand and we walked back to his apartment with Alice and Jasper following close behind.

-----------------------------------------------

**Edward's POV**

**-------------------**

_**Glass.**_

_**Blood.**_

_**Screams.**_

_**My father.**_

_**Metal.**_

_**Lights.**_

_**Road.**_

_**Bella.**_

"_SHUT UP EDWARD! JUST SHUT UP! STOP CRYING, WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!" my father's voice was angry as he screamed at a very young me. Again, I was experiencing the crash as an outsider. I was standing on the edge of the road, as my 20-something self, watching the aftermath of the horrendous crash that had changed my life. _

_My young self was crying, covered in sticky apple juice, with a piece of glass sticking out of my arm. A piece of glass that would later be removed by a paramedic as I sat on the back of an ambulance. _

_My present self was watching my father's face turn purple and spittle fly from his furious lips as he scolded my younger self for making him spill his beer. _

_I then saw the little girl for the first time. She was staring, wide-eyed, at her mother. Her mother was slumped over, obviously dead, covered in blood and shattered glass and I felt an instant pang of guilt for her. For the first time in all the years I had experienced the dream, I finally saw the little girl. I saw the terror on her face, the tears streaming down her delicate cheeks, her big brown eyes staring at her mother, and her small mouth which emitted no sound whatsoever. _

_No sound that I could hear anyway. _

_Suddenly I was very aware of someone next to me and I turned to see Bella by my side. Her expression was worried, almost sad, and I felt a compulsive need to console her. _

"_Bella, what's wrong?" I asked. _

_Suddenly, blood began to pour from her forehead. At first it was just a trickle, and then it gushed. _

"_Bella?!" I tried to grab her but I couldn't. _

"…_watch out." was all she whispered before she slumped to the ground._

_-------------------------------_

"BELLA, NO!!!!!" I sat up screaming.

_Fucking dreams. Mother fucking dreams._

Sweat poured down my body and I gasped for air. I hated nightmares, especially nightmares involving Bella.

"She's still in the living room." I heard my sister's soft voice from all the way across my dark bedroom.

_Alice is alright, thank god. Alice is there. _

I got up from my bed and squinted in the darkness to see my sister's tiny form curled up on the air mattress. She was a bit higher on the mattress in comparison to Jasper, since he dwarfed her in size, and I wondered how hard we would have to jump in order to catapult Alice into the air.

"She's asleep on the couch." Alice whispered. I smiled,

"Thanks Al, go back to sleep alright? It's late. Love you." I told her. I saw her turn over and cling to Jasper's chest,

"Love you." she mumbled. I got up and grabbed a towel to rid my bare chest of any clinging sweat. I felt disgusting but I didn't want to shower, I just wanted to check on Bella.

It was odd that I had heard her voice in my dream, I wasn't sure if that was at all what her voice was like in real life…I wasn't even sure if it had been a voice as much as it had been a telepathic whisper.

I padded into my living room to find her asleep on the couch. She was curled up in a small ball and looked cold. I went to the closet and grabbed the softest blanket I could find for her. She seemed to appreciate the blanket because she immediately snuggled up with it when I tucked her in. I smiled and ran my hand over her hair. My fingers lingered on her forehead and I grazed the soft skin there…

_No cuts. No blood. Nothing. _

"Just a dream." I muttered. My lids fell heavy as I tried my hardest to stay awake. It was no use though, and I ended up falling asleep on the floor.

_Just a dream._


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: A huge thank you to everyone who reviewed! This story has reached over 200 reviews! Something I never thought would happen with one of my stories. I hope you all enjoyed Bella's POV but now it is back to Edward's. Everyone is getting this feeling that something big is going to go down soon. Why on Earth would you think that? **

**I will tell you that this will be the last update for the week. I will be going back to classes from being off for Spring Break and I'm having some family…uh…I wouldn't call them troubles but that is the only word that pops into my mind. Anyway, I won't bore you with that stuff. Once I can get back into the swing of things and get caught up on my coursework I will back to writing. Look for an update around Friday night into Saturday. **

**I wanted to answer some questions so here we go:**

**Aurabee: Thank you for the review! Feedback is always appreciated so whenever you get the opportunity to leave feedback it's always loved. **

**Rebecca's mom: It wasn't actually Carlisle drinking. Carlisle is actually Edward's stepfather (I think I mentioned this in Chapter 1) and Edward's real father is currently in jail for the accident. If Carlisle drank I would probably cry…I love Carlisle too much for that.**

**Twi-ction: Thank you for the t-shirt idea ;D…and the dress. ILY you are the greatest ever. Your chapters take me on a roller coaster ride every time I read them. Only one author has ever made me cry and that was you! Your review made me tear up as well. I do not deserve such kind words. **

**I bet you all want to get to the story so I'll leave you to Read and Review and ENJOY!**

**After you are done go read "Collide" by twi-ction. If you want superb writing that fic will suck you in. **

**xoxoxox **

**- Jill**

**PS - I normally don't do this…in fact, twi-ction is the master of music when it comes to fic writing, but this is a very important chapter so I thought I'd offer you a very short list of the songs I used while writing this: **

"**Nobody Sees" by Powderfinger**

"**See You Soon" (acoustic) by Coldplay**

"**I will follow you into the dark" by Death Cab for Cutie**

"**Start a War" by The National**

"**The Call" by Regina Spektor**

"**The Luckiest" by Ben Folds**

"**This is for keeps" by The Spill Canvas**

"**Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Edward's POV**

**--------------------**

I woke up a few hours later to someone playing with my hair.

_Fucking raccoon has escaped!_

My eyes opened reluctantly to find Bella staring down at me from her perch on my couch.

"Good morning." I mumbled. My voice was thick with sleep and I was positive I had awful morning breath. Still, none of that mattered as the memories of the previous night came flooding back, and I remembered that Bella had kissed me. I had poured my heart out onto the piano keys and she had kissed me instead of running in terror.

_Well, that's partially a lie. She ran AFTER she kissed me. Still, she had kissed me before running…that had to count for something._

"Did you sleep alright?" I asked. She smiled at me and nodded happily. I looked at the clock and noticed that it was only seven-thirty in the morning. Neither one of us had slept very much and I wondered if Bella had experienced any nightmares like I had.

"Did you? I thought I heard you get up." Bella wrote on her notepad. I felt like lying, I didn't want her to know about the awful dream I had. I sat up a little straighter and took her small hand in mind,

"Yeah, I slept fine. I just came in here because…I didn't want you to be alone. Plus, you looked cold." I said with a small smile. Bella nodded and signed 'thank-you'. We just stared at each other for a few minutes, just watching the subtle moves in our eyes. It may have been because we were both still tired, or it was possible that we both realized the significant change our relationship had gone through during the course of the night.

"Do you want some breakfast? I could make something or we could head to this café down the street." I asked pulling myself to my feet and offering my hand to help her up. Bella bounced to her feet, tripped a bit, and fell onto me. She still smelled as beautiful as she had the night before and I could have held her all day if she had permitted me. Bella pulled away from me and looked embarrassed but I smiled at her and she instantly looked happy.

"Let's see if I have any food." I walked towards the kitchen and Bella padded after me. I was rummaging in the refrigerator when I felt a soft tap on my shoulder,

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" Bella scribbled. I scrunched my eyebrows together…I wasn't exactly sure where Alice and Jasper were. I walked back into my room to find the two of them gone but a note lying on the bed:

_We we're going to wake you up but you looked so freaking adorable that we didn't want to bother you. Jazz borrowed a shirt. Tell Bella I'll take her for lunch and shopping later today before we go to Mom and Dad's for dinner. Thanks for the awesome night!_

_Love you both _

_- Al & Jazz_

_P.S. - I swear to God and Gucci if you mess this up I will skin you alive starting with your…well, you know. _

I laughed and put the note on my dresser and rejoined Bella in the kitchen.

"Whatcha looking for?" I asked her. She jumped about twenty-five feet into the air and spun around to face me. I giggled and she made a drinking motion with her hand,

"Ah, coffee. Unfortunately, I am out." I said sadly. Bella pouted and I felt bad. I hadn't even thought to ask her what she wanted to eat or drink or anything. I hadn't been too sure she would stay or not.

_Damn Alice and her coffee addiction. _

Blaming my sister for everything was probably not fair. I had been powering down the black stuff since I was in the fourth grade and knew what a coffee pot was. I still remember the note sent home to my mother after a particularly interesting day at school.

"_Edward was entertaining today, he would not sit still whatsoever and managed to free the class gerbil, lead the students in a revolt against the spelling test, and wet his pants while flying about the room in a blur…all within the span of about an hour and a half. He crashed at lunch time." _

I had taken Alice's ADD medication by mistake and had chugged two cups of coffee before getting on the bus. I had made a mental note to myself that day: ADD medicine has the adverse affect on people without ADD. My mother had also vowed to put the coffee maker in a higher cabinet and to never let me "take my own vitamins" again.

"We can go to the café and grab some breakfast if you'd like. I have no coffee and I'm pretty sure I'm out of eggs." I said as I glanced in my fridge.

_If you're going to have a girlfriend you're going to have to actually go the grocery. _

"That's fine." Bella wrote. A few minutes later we were on our way down the street and I was trying desperately to think of a way to ask her to dinner at my parent's house without her freaking out and feeling extremely nervous. She had successfully met Hurricane Alice and my parents were surprisingly calm in comparison…

_So she should gleefully reply "YES!" and that hurdle will be over with._

_Nope, she's going to look nervous and I'm going to trip over the hurdle and crack my head open on the pavement. _

We sat at a small table and I rambled about my schooling and my work and how rather boring it had been until she had happened along. Bella ate a small blueberry muffin and sipped her coffee while she listened intently. I chattered on and on as I drank a very dark roast coffee and tore off small pieces of a banana nut muffin.

I told her everything.

Well, almost everything.

I didn't find it important to give her details about the crash that had killed a woman and had landed my real father in jail. I didn't want to mortify her or make her think I was an alcoholic because my father had been one.

_Mark Masen was rotting in jail. Carlisle Cullen was my true father. End of story. My name was Edward Cullen, not Edward Masen. _

"Your parents sound wonderful. I'd love to meet them." Bella wrote on a napkin.

_Hot Damn! Fuck Yeah! Woohoo! I don't have to do crap! Thank you Bella for being wonderfully perceptive. _

"Funny you should mention that. My parents want you to come to dinner tonight. I promise they don't bite and it will only be you, Alice, Jasper, my mother and father, and myself. Not too many new people and you already know that Alice and Jasper love you." I said. Alice cocked her head slightly,

"They do?" she wrote. I chuckled, she was being silly if she didn't think they simply adored her.

"Of course! Alice wrote me a note this morning say she would skin me alive if I let you go. You made quite the impression last night so don't even think twice that they didn't like you." I told her. Bella blushed and took a sip of her coffee to hide her expression.

"Alright, I'll come." she replied after a few moments of silence. I grinned from ear to ear and we were quiet for a good fifteen minutes.

It was an interesting thing, these new found feelings. I hadn't truly felt for anyone and I found that it was an odd combination of fear, elation, curiosity, and warmth. I liked it and I liked Bella. Perhaps my heart was going to fast, perhaps this was just lust…no it couldn't be just lust.

_If it was all about lust your dick would be standing up so tall that you would think it was playing the trombone portion to "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band". _

_You hush. _I scolded my subconscious.

If it was all about lust I would never feel the tremble in my heart I felt when she smiled or when I saw her dancing last night. If it was all about lust I would have made a move, instead I was too nervous. If it was all about lust I would have never, ever, ever, been compelled to write a song for her.

Music pours from the heart, not just the mind.

I didn't want to rush anything but, then again, love does not know time. The heart does not know if we had been in each other 's lives for a couple of weeks or years…nor did it care for that matter.

I tore my thoughts away from my feelings to glance at Bella. She seemed to be text messaging someone, I assumed her father, but that wasn't what made me stare. In her right hand she was holding her phone, paying close attention to the message she was sending. In her left hand she was holding my hand tightly, rubbing her thumb across my knuckles.

My heart thundered in my chest.

"Bella?" I asked quietly. She looked up at me and put her phone down. I let my eyes wander to our clasped hands and she followed me with her own gaze.

Her mouth formed a little "o" and she went to remove her hand from mine. I stopped her and grinned, doing my best to reassure her that I wanted her hand to stay just where it had been. Bella bit her lip, unsure of what she was doing, but she did not make another move to unclasp our hands.

"Bella I think, I think I have feelings for you." The comment shot out of my mouth before I could even think about stopping it. Bella's eyes popped open just a little more and I was afraid that she was going to either laugh at me or bolt.

She did neither.

Bella straightened up a bit and carefully wrote her reply on a napkin.

"I have feelings for you. I don't just think, I know." she smiled. My heart melted and I grinned so wide that I giggled.

_When did you exactly become a giddy woman? _

"Bella, when I think about you or see you or smell you or…anything…I get wildly happy. I've never known happy. I've never known these feelings and I'm just so, thankful. I'm sorry if it seems I'm going so fast and if I'm coming across as a creeper please let me know. I just, I feel for you. You brighten the room when you walk in, you are beautiful and you're smart and you cracked at joke at my sister's expense. You are golden and I can't believe I have been so lucky to find someone like you." I babbled and Bella blushed. She then wrote two words on a fresh slip of paper and handed it to me,

"You listen." it simply said. I knew that meant more to her than anything in the entire world.

"Bella…this sounds stupid…oh well, will you be my girlfriend?" I asked. I had no idea how to go about it so just asking seemed like the simplest solution. Bella grinned an astonishing grin and nodded with extreme vigor.

"YES!" she wrote. Then she took her pen and wrote on my hand the word "MINE." in her cute handwriting.

So, at 8:45 a.m. Edward Cullen was officially off the market.

_Oh, I'm sure the females will weep into their hands and curse the Gods that they hadn't bagged the awkward librarian with the hobo hair. _

_--------------------------------------------------_

Oh Alice, how I had regretted leaving Bella in her clutches. Bella had been a good sport though, telling Alice she deserved it for her joke the night before. Alice had giggled, which turned into an evil chuckle, which resulted in Bella being hauled off to the Porsche.

I had the remainder of the afternoon free and decided to spend some time on my own looks. I needed a good shave, a really long shower, and quite possibly a haircut. I didn't want to cut my hair, I enjoyed it, but a little trim would probably not be a bad idea. I wanted Bella to be impressed with me and I needed time to grill my parents about what they were going to say that night…I didn't want any mess ups.

"Hey mom, yeah last night went great. Hey, would you be willing to cut my hair? I just want a little trim, nothing extreme…yeah I can be there in a few minutes. Okay, love you too…bye." I closed my phone and grabbed my jacket and a change of clothes for the evening. My mother had been very short on the phone, almost distracted, and I got the feeling she was working on something important for that night.

My Volvo roared to life and Ben Fold's cool voice filtered through the speakers,

"And I am, I am, the luckiest." I sang along to the fantastic song. It seemed like the perfect reflection of my current feelings. I couldn't be happier at that moment…

_You have a girlfriend! A fantastic, beautiful, kind girlfriend. You lucky bastard._

I zoomed along the highway with my windows down and the radio blaring.

It was definitely a good day.

…

My parent's home came into view and I could see my mother bustling about the living room. I parked my Volvo next to my father's Mercedes and walked up the front steps, excited about getting a good trim and getting to talk to my parents before the evening began.

I opened the front door and was greeted by "Kiss the Rain" by Yiruma flowing through the Bose Stereo System. The entire house smelled like my mother's famous, "Chicken and Artichoke Bake" that she only made during really special dinners. I inhaled deeply and walked over to my mother,

"Mmm…are you making asparagus with that, too?" I asked, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She stood up from dusting the table to accept my kiss and give me a smile.

"Of course! I wouldn't think of making it any other way." she said, giving me a nudge. I followed her around the living room as she dusted the giant bookshelf and the artifacts my father had collected over the years. It dawned on me then, we had so many cool and strange things.

"When did Dad get all of these cool things?" I said as I picked up one of the African masks he had collected on one of his world trips.

"He's been all over the place. You know he goes anywhere there are people in need…do you remember when he went Australia that first year we were married?" she asked. Memories of crying because I thought Carlisle had left us began to flood my mind and I chuckled at how insecure I used to feel.

"Yeah, I was really upset." I said. My mother patted me on the shoulder,

"Yes. You were very, very, upset and you wouldn't stop crying until you got to speak to him on the phone. That was also the same time Alice took a pair of my stilettos and decided to go traipsing around the backyard while they were pouring the concrete for the patio. Do you remember that?" she asked. I laughed loudly at that particular memory.

"You were trying to get me to stop crying, make dinner, and then you asked me '…where is Alice?' and I started crying more because I thought wolves had come and eaten her. Then you found her stuck to the back patio…I don't know why she didn't just step out of the shoes." I commented.

"I remember her saying 'Mommy! They make my legses look good! Pwease don't kill the shoesies!' I had to explain to her that the shoes were already dead and that the nice workmen would have to pick them out the next day. I picked her up and hauled her inside like a suitcase…then I had two crying kids on my hands." she said. I felt myself blush with embarrassment,

"Sorry about that." I muttered. She smiled and patted me on the cheek,

"Then, you finally got to talk to Carlisle on the phone and it was like your entire face lit up when you heard his voice, and he promised you he would come back and he would bring you an amazing present…and he made good on his word." she told me. I nodded,

"He brought me back a stuffed kangaroo and a hand-carved wooden flute. It was the coolest thing ever." I recalled fondly.

"You slept with that kangaroo forever." she said.

_Better not tell her you still sleep with it. _

"Carlisle has always been there for me. No matter if he was here or in another country. He helped me once with my math homework while he was in Nicaragua. He stitched my head together after I fell out of the tree and he taught me how to play baseball. He's provided everything for me…I don't think you could define 'father' much better than that." I ranted happily about my father. Carlisle Cullen has been my hero as I grew up…and in many ways he still was.

"You're going me make me cry. Now, speaking of your father, would you go wake him up please? He picked up a shift tonight so he has to go to work after dinner." Esme said with a sniffle. I grinned at her and made my way to the stairs.

I knocked on the door to my parent's bedroom,

"Dad? Hey, mom said it's time to get up." I whispered into the darkness. My father's sleeping form shifted and I saw him reach for the bedside lamp.

"Thanks, son. Do I smell Chicken and Artichokes?" he asked groggily. I chuckled,

"Yep! I guess it's a special night." I told him. He squinted at me,

"…You should bring new girlfriends around more often." he teased. I picked up a pillow from the nearby chair and flung it at him. He caught it expertly,

"Don't turn this into a baseball game. If we break another lamp your mother will have my head." he told me with a chuckle.

I left my father alone so he could get dressed, and I made my way back downstairs. I found my mother in the kitchen with her hair cutting scissors all laid out on the counter. She pointed at a chair,

"Sit." she ordered.

I sat.

"Just a bit off the top and shape up the sides please." I said. She draped a towel around my neck and began to run a wet comb through my thick hair.

"Am I going to find any treasure? Jimmy Hoffa? Dead birds?" she joked with me. I rolled my eyes but didn't dare turn my head.

"So, you are where I get my smartass attitude from." I mumbled. My mother laughed,

"What? You think Mark Masen gave you any sort of personality whatsoever? Don't be silly. It was alllll me." she said. It made me happy that she didn't refer to him as "your father", he didn't deserve that.

"No, I thought maybe it was you and maybe it was a bit of Alice." I responded. She chuckled lightly,

"Alice is…Alice. Life wouldn't be the same without her energy. Your mother has always been a smartass though, and don't you forget it." she said as she began to cut my hair.

We stayed silent for awhile. I thought about Bella and how I wanted the night to go, and my mother began to hum a pretty song that I recognized from my childhood. My hair fell around me and I was a bit afraid that she was going to take off too much.

"So, do I have to worry about any questions cropping up tonight? Embarrassing stories about me as a child? The chocolate chip cookie incident or The leaving Alice on the roof incident? Anything like that?" I questioned as she revved up the trimmer and began to shave down my burly sideburns. I saw her smile and shake her head,

"Nah, I think we'll be good tonight. Your father wants to know more about Bella, but I'll try to keep him from being too personal. You know how he likes a good puzzle. I just want to meet the girl who has made my son so very happy." Esme said kindly.

"Good. Just reel dad in if he gets too extreme." I chuckled.

"I will do my best. Alright, what do you think?" she said. I picked up the mirror off of the counter and stared at myself. She had achieved the look I was going for and I was happy to see no raccoons had leapt out in the process.

"Perfect! What do you I owe you?" I said, hopping off the chair. My mother pointed to her cheek and gave her a quick peck.

"Thank you. Now, go shower and get all the hair clippings off of you." she told me.

"Is that another way of saying 'get your ass out of my kitchen?'" I questioned. My mother nodded,

"You betcha! Shoo!" she scolded, pushing me out of the kitchen and towards the stairs. I laughed but obeyed, making my second trek up the stairs. It would feel nice to be able to take a long hot shower and relax for once. If it was one thing I missed about living at home, it was the amazing shower that had been in the bathroom connected to my bedroom.

_Carlisle and Esme learned quickly that having Alice and I share a bathroom would quickly result in me getting zero bathroom time._

I opened the door to my old room to find it still looked pretty much the same. There were still books everywhere (granted, they were now Carlisle's books), and many artifacts were covering every inch of shelving. Still, it felt like home and it made me happy.

I turned on the shower and let the water warm up for a few minutes before stepping into the steam covered vestibule. I used my time in the shower to think about the evening ahead. I was excited to have Bella meet my parents but I was also nervous. I was afraid someone would say something to upset her or no one would talk at all for fear she wouldn't like that.

_Stop thinking about the bad things and focus on the good. Tonight will be spectacular if you let it be. _

That was very true. If I worried about everything that could go wrong, I would miss out on the things that could, and would, go right. Also, if I acted nervous then it was possible that Bella would be able to sense my nervousness and become upset. That was the last thing I wanted to happen. I wanted a calm night with laughter and happiness. I wanted my parents to see in Bella what I saw…

_You know they will love her immediately. _

I wondered what kind of pure Hell Alice was putting Bella through at that moment. There was no telling what she was making her try on and it made me cringe just thinking about it. I trusted Alice with the fashion part of taking Bella out…but I did NOT trust her with the "this will surely make Bella feel uncomfortable" aspect of the whole thing. I did not want to know how many times Alice had made her blush or bite her lip.

_The Pixie better be on her best behavior._

The water finally ran cold, after a good long while, and I shut the faucet off with a sigh. I toweled off and went into my room to find the clothes I had selected for the evening laid out on one of the big armchairs in my room. I smiled to myself and made a mental note to thank my mother for always being a step ahead.

I had shaved in the shower, so all that was left was to get dressed and call Alice to see where she was with my girlfriend.

_Hehehe…girlfriend. _

I pulled on my favorite pair of dark jeans, a blood donor t-shirt (seriously, it actually looked pretty cool and was the only shirt I had clean), and a black blazer over my t-shirt. I stared in the mirror, inspecting my appearance, and decided that I looked the best I had looked in quite a long time. Bella not only made me smile but she apparently made me smell better as well. This whole showering and shaving thing was quite the treat.

I had just slipped on my black Converse high-tops when my phone began to ring.

"Alice." I said, recognizing the ringtone at once. I was excited to hear from my sister simply because I wanted to know how the day with Bella had gone and when she was bringing her by the house.

"Hello?" I asked happily. Alice laughed,

"Is someone excited to hear my voice?" she said. I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue from making a snide comment.

"How was your day and when are you coming?" I asked quickly. I could almost hear my sister's eyes roll in return.

"Well, your girlfriend looks beautiful…even though she didn't need much help to begin with…and we will be at Mom and a Dad's in about fifteen minutes. Jazz should be there soon, he drove ahead of us. I hope you're showered and dressed." Alice said.

"Don't be a little snit. I'll see you in fifteen minutes. Tell Bella 'Hi'…I really hope you didn't scar her for life, Alice. She's important to me and I don't want you to scare her away." I scolded. Alice scoffed,

"If your hair didn't scare her away then I'm not going to scare her away! We'll see you soon." Alice hung up the phone and I made my way downstairs to find Jasper already saying his 'Yes ma'am's to my mother.

"Hey Jasper!" I said, shaking my best friend's hand. Esme winked at me and continued setting the dining room table for six. Jasper and I began chatting about a cool band that was scheduled to play at the pub next week and how we should all go. My father came down the stairs, dressed in a button-up shirt and tie (his normal work attire), so that he was able to enjoy dinner and not have to rush off to get dressed for work at the last moment.

Finally, Hurricane Alice blew open the front door and proceeded to sing a little fanfare. My mother hurried from the kitchen and my father draped his around her, probably to calm her down.

"Presenting! Ms. Isabella Swan!" Alice shouted. I could have slaughtered her for that comment. However, as soon as I saw Bella step through the doorway I forgot who Alice was, let alone what her comment had been.

Bella looked breathtakingly beautiful in a white sundress with a small half-sweater covering her shoulders and tied in the front. Her hair was curled into soft waves and her cheeks were blushed with a slight tinge of embarrassment. I grinned at her as she hobbled into our living room looking nervous.

"I missed you. Are you alright?" I asked as I rushed forward to hug her. Bella nodded and then pointed towards the floor. I looked down at her tiny feet to find they were stuck into a pair of dangerous looking high-heels,

"I'm sorry. Alice's torture, I'm sure. I won't let you fall…don't worry." I reassured her. We stared into each other's eyes for a few moments before my father finally cleared his throat,

"Edward, aren't you going to introduce us?" he asked in a soft voice. I held Bella's hand as I turned toward my parents,

"Bella, I would like you to meet my mother and father. Carlisle and Esme Cullen." Bella waved and smiled to my parents. Then, my father did something that made me want to hug him for being so amazing…he signed a series of words to Bella which made a wonderful smile light up her face.

Bella signed, "Thank you" in return which made my father smile.

My mother, however, was staring at Bella like she couldn't quite place her. I cocked my head towards my mother which caught her attention.

"Forgive me, I'm so sorry Bella. It's just…you look so terribly familiar. Your name, and your face, I just…I feel like I've met you before. I'm probably just imagining things." Esme waved her hand like she was swiping away a bad memory. Bella just smiled her sweet smile.

"DOESN'T SHE LOOK PRETTY?! DOESN'T SHE LOOK PRETTY?!" Alice chirped. I was wondering when she was going to chime in.

_I did have to hand it to my sister, Bella looked extremely radiant. _

"She always looks beautiful." I said. Bella blushed and all the women let out an "awww".

"Well, let's eat. I have to leave in an hour and I would like to get to know Bella little better before I have to go to work." Carlisle said as he walked towards the dining room table. I pulled Bella's chair out for her and took my normal seat which was now to the left of Bella and to the right of Alice.

Bella signed to my father and I was sad that I didn't know what she said.

"Oh, I work at the hospital…in the emergency room." Bella nodded. I was so thankful to my father for knowing how to sign. I was certain that it made Bella feel much more comfortable and happier.

Dinner went smoothly. My father told some jokes, my mother kept the childhood "horror" stories to a minimum, and Alice was on her best behavior.

"It was NOT my fault she got left on the roof!" I defended myself as my mother was telling a story about our younger days. Bella was giggling, almost uncontrollably, at my side.

"Oh! It totally was! You took the ladder, you didn't call mom or dad, and YOU went inside and turned your radio on as loud as it would go." Alice's counterargument was very valid. Still, I was not wanting to look bad in front of Bella. Carlisle was shaking his head and signing to Bella. Whatever he was saying was only making her giggle harder.

"Don't mess with my stuff and I won't leave you on the roof." I said, finishing my last bite of chicken.

"Okay, okay, how about we give Bella some time to tell us a bit about herself?" Carlisle said. Esme grinned, happy to get Alice and I to stop bickering back and forth.

"Yes, Bella. Where are you from sweetie? What do your parents do?" my mother asked sweetly. Bella's hands began to move rhythmically, as if she were speaking. Carlisle was happy to translate as her hands moved.

"_I came from a few towns over. My father, Charlie Swan, was the police chief there before we decided to move here. I wasn't very old but it was still kind of an adjustment. My father likes it here and so do I so I don't think we're going to be moving any time soon…especially now." _she squeezed my hand, "_There really isn't much else to tell. My mother died in a car accident when I was pretty young. I was in the car when we were blindsided by a drunk driver. He hit us, got out of the car, and ran…I never spoke again._" Bella seemed a little reluctant to share that information but she went ahead anyway. I wanted to cry at her statement. I saw both of my parents wince and Jasper and Alice both looked concerned. For some reason, that story seemed so familiar.

"Were they able to catch him?" Carlisle asked. Bella's hands began to move again:

"_Yes. They caught him very quickly and he's still in jail, I think. I don't try and think about him that often. I can barely remember his name…Matt,…no, Mark…yeah, his name was Mark Masen." _Bella's hands stopped and I felt a wave of realization wash over me as I watched my mother's water glass crash to the ground.

_Fuck._

_Shit._

_Hell._

_That bastard._

_That mother fucking bastard._

"I'm so sorry. I--" Esme stammered and got up from the table quickly. She stared at me and rushed from the room toward the study.

Bella looked at me, frightened. I didn't know what to say. The emotions raging through me at that moment were some of the most intense I had ever felt before. Anger, fear, sadness, guilt, shock….did I mention anger?

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I said quickly. Bella looked so confused and frightened that I was afraid she was going to cry.

_Not now, don't cry. Please, do not cry. _

"Edward, go to your mother. Please." Carlisle's voice was serious. I had never heard his voice so serious.

I kissed Bella on the head, gave her a pleading look, and left the table as quickly as I could.

I found my mother in my father's study, staring at an old newspaper clipping and sobbing.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked after watching her for a few minutes. I had startled her and she dropped the paper quickly. My mother looked at me with a face that could break a million hearts.

"I didn't know, Edward. I knew she looked so damn familiar but I just couldn't place her. I knew there had been a girl but I never thought to tell you…" my mother was cut off by a soft knock on the door.

"I hate to do this, especially now, but I have got to get to work. I can call in if you'd like." Carlisle whispered.

"No, I'll be fine. We'll be fine." Esme said, mock calmness coloring her voice. Carlisle walked forward and hugged us both separately.

"When you're ready, Bella would like some answers. Jasper is currently playing her in chess to get her mind off it." Carlisle said.

"Go to work, the hospital needs you." Esme told him. She kissed his cheek and he hugged her tightly. I was always amazed at how calm Carlisle could be, even in the roughest times. I guess, no matter what went wrong, at the end of the day he always knew he would come home to his wonderful wife and his two children and they would all be safe.

_I would hate to see Carlisle on a bad day._

Carlisle told us he loved us both and I heard him leave quietly through the garage door.

"Edward…I am so sorry." my mother whispered. I was livid, and not exactly at her. I was angry at my father, angry at myself, and angry at the whole damn situation. I wanted to scream, cry, throw things, and punch my fath-- Mark Masen, right in the goddamned face.

"Why didn't you tell me there was a girl?!" I yelled. I didn't want to yell at my mother but it all came flying out anyway.

"Because you were already damaged enough! Do you think adding more fuel to the fire would have made you heal any faster?! I didn't think you would remember her and I didn't want to conjure up any other bad memories for you to suffer through. I was thinking about you." my mother was practically sobbing.

"I've been dreaming about the crash and I've been dreaming about a girl. I've been dreaming about Bella and I didn't even know it. I can't believe this." I said almost monotonically. Esme tried to lay her hand on my shoulder but I pulled away, I knew that hurt her feelings.

"I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry I just…I can't take this. I can't stand here and accept the fact that Mark Masen is the reason Bella's mother is dead. A man I once called ,'dad' is the reason my girlfriend does not speak. Are you kidding me? Why? Why Bella? Why?! WHY!" my voice escalated. My mother winced and shook tears from her eyes.

"I shouldn't have allowed him to take you with him that night. He said he was just going to run to the store. I'm so sorry Edward, I should have kept you home." she rambled. I shook my head,

"That wouldn't have stopped Bella's mother's death. That wouldn't have stopped Bella from not speaking." I countered.

"It would have stopped you from seeing it!" she snapped. I wanted to hug her but I was too upset.

"I see it every time I look into her eyes! Every time! Now, to know that it was…I just… I have to go." I turned and bolted through the study door.

"Edward, don't leave. Not like this…you're so upset!" my mother followed me. I reached for Bella and she grasped my hand as I pulled her from her game of chess and led the way to the door.

"Come on Bella, I'll explain everything in the car." I told her. I didn't even notice Alice and Jasper as I opened the front door and hurried toward my Volvo. I was relieved to see that neither one of them had parked behind me.

"Edward!" Esme's frantic voice sounded from the porch and I felt like an awful person for not staying with her.

"Mom, I'm not mad at you. I'm just very upset and confused. I can't be here right now. I love you." I said as I opened the door for Bella and jogged to my side of the car.

"…I love you." I heard her whisper as I got in the car and revved the engine. I whipped the car into reverse and sped down the driveway. Bella began to frantically write notes as I sped toward the open highway and I was careful to pay attention to everything.

"_What's going on_?"

"Bella, I'm sorry. I really am very sorry. Mark Masen…he was my father. My fucking father! He killed your mother! He's the reason you don't speak! FUCK!" I shouted and punched the horn. Bella began crying instantly and I felt like the scum of the underworld.

"Don't cry. Come on sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry. I'm not my father. I'm not Mark Masen. I would never hurt you, I would never drink and drive, I'm so sorry. I'm not my father. I'm not." I said. My voice cracked with emotion as I sped down the road. I didn't feel like taking the straight way to Bella's house so I took an alternate route down the desolate country roads.

Bella shook with sobs for a good five minutes. It had to be a shocker, learning that your boyfriend's biological father was responsible for killing your mother. She looked at me from the passenger seat and I felt sick at how sad she looked.

"_I'm sorry. Don't be upset. Where are we going?" _she scribbled on tear stained paper.

"I just need some time to cool down. I don't want to say goodbye to you yet. I'm sorry Bella, I just--…my family is wonderful I promise. I care about you so much and I just can't believe that my sadistic…that Mark Masen is such a sadistic son of a bitch that he would take a little girl's mother from her. You're such a wonderful person. I can't even think straight. I'm not my father…" I trailed off into more mumblings of, "I'm not my father" as Bella stared at me.

"I would never hurt you. I would never, ever, hurt you. I want you to know that right now. I do not reflect my biological father. If I strive to be like any man in my life it would be Carlisle. Carlisle is my father." I said. I gripped the steering wheel tighter as I zoomed down the winding country road.

"_I know. Just calm down and it'll all be okay. I don't blame you. I'm just in shock."_

Her short notes were intended to make me feel better but they weren't doing the job. I was relieved she wasn't calling me names or refusing to make any sort of contact with me. I was just so angry with Masen that I didn't quite know what to do.

We were silent for awhile as I tried my best to clear my mind. My cell phone kept ringing and I kept ignoring it. I knew it was either my mother or Alice, and I didn't feel like talking to either of them until I had calmed down enough to apologize.

"What can I do to make up for his mistakes, Bella? Name anything. I will do anything to make this up to you. I'll go away forever. If you want me to leave you alone and never speak to you again I'll do that. Do you want me to go away?" I asked. I watched her for any sign of a response. She looked at me with an expression of sadness and confusion. Her tiny head slowly began to shake in a "no".

"_Don't ever leave me." _she wrote. Her eyes turned toward the road and I watched them widen in fear.

"I won't leave you if you don't want me to. Don't look so afraid." I said, still staring at her.

She seemed to be thinking.

She seemed to be petrified.

Suddenly, I noticed the blinding light of headlights on the normally quiet road.

And then,

"**EDWARD!!!!!!" **

…Her voice, it had been her voice.

A million thoughts ran through my head within the course of three seconds:

Bella had finally spoken.

It had been my name.

It would be the last thing I would ever hear.

_You've tried in life and that's all that matters. _

I gripped Bella's hand and threw the steering wheel to the left as hard as I could. My Volvo did just what I wanted it to do: it spun to the right, putting my side in the way of the truck and Bella's side in the safe zone.

"NO!" I shouted.

She screamed.

Glass shattered.

My own bones crushed.

And then…nothingness.

_-----------------------------_

**Bella's POV**

**---------------**

My screams were drowned out by the sounds of shattering glass and twisting metal. The airbags deployed and I felt my nose snap as one hit me in the face. I kept screaming Edward's name but was met with no reply. Glass covered me and I felt the sickening feeling of spattered blood against my arms.

The truck (I would later find out it was a Toyota Tundra), pushed us for what seemed like miles. I was still holding Edward's hand when we finally rocked to a stop and all of the noise ceased.

Silence.

I had lived my entire existence wrapped up in a cloud of my own silence.

But the quietness that now blanketed me and my surroundings was terrifying.

I was alive but my nose was broken, my arm felt wrong, and I was fairly certain I would need several stitches. None of that mattered, nothing matter, except getting to Edward.

I looked down to see my white sundress covered in his blood and I felt ill. I was almost too afraid to look to my left. I peered across the smashed Volvo and began screaming and sobbing all over again.

"Edward? Edward?! Please."

Nothing.

Glass, metal, blood…it all covered him. I had trouble telling where the car ended and Edward began.

"Please." I said again as I touched his already bruising face.

Silent.

The other driver had not surfaced from his truck.

Edward was not moving, or speaking.

Everything was silent…

except for me.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Uh…WOW! Oh my Jasper Hale that was an amazing round of reviews! Also, it is not Friday or Saturday so I got this to you early! Yay! One thing: Edward was supposed to throw the wheel to the right, not the left…sorry about that. Anyway! I can't even begin to thank all of you individually on the A/N simply because I am too tired but I promise I will get around to it! I love you all and I'm sorry to say that no, this will not be a "Edward is just fine" thing. I'm sorry. BIG THANK YOU to twi-ction who answered many late night queries about this chapter and who provided me with medical advice and everything. She's my rock. I think we're going to get married soon. **

**I LOVE Carlisle in this chapter. He is my absolute favorite in the entire world. He almost made me tear up.**

**Also, thank you all for the support on my "family issues". I could write a novel about what has gone on/is going on but I'd rather just delve into the "Twilight" realm. Enjoy! **

**Read and Review and always. I hope you love it.**

**Then go read "Collide" by twi-ction…now that is a good story.**

**xoxoxoxo.**

**- Jill**

**Bella's POV**

**---------------**

Panic was quickly setting in. I was frantically picking glass out of Edward's hair, trying to make some sort of sense of the situation in front of me. His hand was still outstretched as it had been when he was grasping for me seconds before the crash. His slender fingers were covered in his own blood as well as my own. I ran my shaking fingers over his palm but was met with no response whatsoever. I wanted to vomit and I suppressed the urge to do so several times.

I remembered that my phone was in my purse and I scrambled find it within the confines of the dark, mangled car. My nose was throbbing and I felt woozy.

"Phone, phone, phone." my voice shook desperately. I finally found it, lying broken on the floorboard along with the other contents of my purse. My blood soaked fingers slid across the buttons for "9-1-1", leaving menacing red prints wherever they touched. I wasn't sure if my voice was up to it, but I had to try…for Edward.

"911 What's your emergency?" the voice on the other end sounded bored.

"…Wreck, boyfriend, dying. Help. Please. Help." my voice cracked with fear and I felt hot tears spill down my cheeks as I vocalized what I had been dreading.

"Okay sweetie, where are you?" the voice suddenly sounded more awake. I had no idea where we were. Suddenly, I became even more panicked as I envisioned the ambulance driving around unable to locate us.

"….I-- I-- don't know. Please help. Please. Edward…he's…" I broke off into uncontrollable sobs.

"Sweetie, I need you to stay calm. What kind of car is it? Do you know who it's registered to?" she asked. I tried to control my sobs and ignore the burning pain in my throat. I hadn't used my voice in so long that it burned to talk and I hated it. I would talk for hours though, if it meant Edward would get help.

"Volvo, silver Volvo. It's registered to Dr. Carlisle Cullen." I croaked. I heard the sound of keyboard keys clicking on the other end.

"Is the driver's name Edward Cullen?" she questioned.

"YES! YES! That's him." I exclaimed.

"He's registered with OnStar, sweetie. They received the signal that there was a crash. An ambulance is on it's way, just stay calm and stay with Edward." she told me.

"Alright." I said. I hung up the phone as fresh tears spilled down my cheeks.

Ambulance.

Police.

My father.

Hospital.

Carlisle.

The next five minutes ticked by at grueling pace. Finally, I heard the relieving sound of sirens getting closer. I needed them to see me, so I pulled myself from the crushed car and onto the road. I noticed that it glittered with glass and I felt the sharp prick of the shards as I landed on my knees. I pulled myself up to my feet, clutching my hurt arm and watching for any sign of the ambulance. The headlights, and siren lights, came into view, and I let all of the remaining air out of my lungs as a wave of relief crashed over me.

The police cruiser was the first vehicle to come to a skidding halt in front of the crash scene. My father jumped out, unaware that I was one of the victims, and began jogging toward me.

"DAD!" I cried. Charlie Swan stopped in his tracks, realized it was me, and ran even faster.

"BELLA?! Oh my God, Isabella what happened?! …Wait, did you just speak?!" his words flew from his mouth so quickly that I could barely keep up. I wanted to hug him but my arm hurt so badly that I could barely move it.

"Truck, hit us hard. I warned him. I screamed. Glass, blood…" I trailed off into more sobs and Charlie put his arm around me as I noticed the ambulance pulling up. I wanted to scream at the them to hurry the Hell up, but my throat hurt bad enough and I didn't fully trust them either. They hadn't saved my mother, why should I believe they could save Edward?

"Hold on, slow down honey. I still-- your voice it's beautiful. I can't believe you're speaking but we'll concentrate on that later. Who did you warn? Who were you with?" he questioned.

"Edward, Edward. Told you I was with Edward." I babbled. Charlie looked very confused and terrified at the same time.

"Your boyfriend? The Cullen boy? He's the one in the car?" Charlie shot questions at me rapid fire.

_Uh…Duh! _

"YES! PLEASE, DAD." I cried. I wanted to crumple into a pile of sobs and just shut the world out, but I couldn't. I had just resurfaced into the active world and Edward needed me far too much at the moment to just have me retreat back to my hole.

"Oh my G--…GET THAT BOY OUT OF THAT CAR RIGHT NOW!" Charlie yelled at the EMTs who were just now getting all of their equipment out of the ambulance. They hurried a little faster at the sound of my father's angry voice.

"Okay, get in the cruiser and we're going to take you to the hospital." Charlie said, taking a hold of my good hand and trying to lead me to the car.

"NO!" I shouted, wrenching my hand out of his. My father looked at me very confusingly,

"Bella?" he questioned. I sniffled and shook my head back and forth.

"I'm staying with Edward! I'm going with him…I-- I-- have to, have to tell Carlisle. I have to be there." I cried. I watched my father nod, as if I would explode at any moment.

"Bella, you have to get looked at. Your nose is broken and I'm pretty sure your arm is as well." he whispered. I laughed and sobbed at the same time,

"Edward…is in…pieces." I croaked. Charlie winced at my words and I saw him glance at the mangled remains of the sporty Volvo.

"We have to get the other driver to the hospital and then to the police station. I'll be right behind the ambulance until you arrive at the hospital but I'll have to leave after we get the other driver stitched up. Will you be alright?" he asked calmly. I nodded in agreement,

"Fine." I whispered. Charlie ran his hand over my hair as I tried to control my sobs. It didn't help.

"Now, go sit in the ambulance and they can start getting you cleaned up." he said. I shook my head again,

"Carlisle." I whispered. I wanted Carlisle to stitch me up because I would talk to Carlisle. I felt safe around the good doctor and I didn't want to have to answer anyone else's questions.

"Alright…please just go sit down and wait--" Charlie was about to finish his sentence when the EMTs cut him off.

"We're going to lose him if we don't hurry up! He's bleeding out!" I felt the blood drain from my face and I didn't even think as I ran toward the wreckage.

"BELLA! Don't go over there! Bella!" Charlie's voice sounded so distant as I ran toward the wreck, but I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of them trying to extract Edward from the mass of metal and glass. I couldn't handle it any longer. I couldn't handle Edward's still body, or his closed eyes, or the glass that stuck out of his skin. I vomited onto the debris covered street as I noticed that I was standing in a fresh pool of Edward's blood.

"Bella!…Jesus Christ." Charlie muttered the latter part of his statement as he caught up with me turned me away from the horrid scene. I heard the paramedics shout random jargon to each other and my father as they loaded Edward onto a gurney.

"Mike! Do you have room for my daughter?" Charlie yelled.

"If she stays out of my way! But this boy is going to die if we don't get him to the hospital right now!" Mike called back as he rolled the gurney quickly toward the ambulance. My stomach did a double flip as Mike used the term "die".

"Go on, honey. I'll be right behind you alright? Just sit down and stay out of their way. I love you. I really do." Charlie kissed my head and rushed back to his squad car where I noticed his deputies were administering a sobriety test to the, seemingly fine, driver of the truck.

"Bastard." I whispered to myself. I hated that driver and his stupid camouflage trucker hat. I hated that he was probably drunk and could possibly take Edward from me forever. I couldn't think of my raging hate at that moment, I had to get to Carlisle .

I climbed into the back of the ambulance and sat on one of the benches, trying to make myself as small and unnoticeable as possible. The gurney was loud as the paramedics loaded it quickly and climbed in after. In the garish lights of the ambulance I could see Edward's injuries in their entirety…it was awful. His face was blue and purple and I could hardly recognize him from the thick blood and deep cuts. I wanted to yell at the paramedics to clean the blood off of his face but I knew that wasn't the main focus at the moment. I was able to reach out and graze his fingertips with my own before they went to work stabilizing him.

"Edward? Buddy, can you hear me? I need you to wake up okay? I need you to wake up and talk to me. " The paramedic spoke loudly to Edward but he did not respond.

"Fuck." the paramedic muttered. He put a stethoscope in his ears and listened closely to Edward's chest. I saw him nod his head barely, and I was glad he didn't shake it.

"I have a heartbeat. Give him oxygen and let's focus on keeping him stable." he ordered. I watched Edward's eyes desperately, hoping for some sort of motion.

"Edward? We're going to take you to your dad and he's going to help you. We just need you to hang on." he said. I noticed the blood pressure cuff as they put it on his broken arm. I hated the sound the Velcro made and I cringed when I heard it.

"His pressure is dropping..." the paramedic's voice was low and frantic and it terrified me more. I knew low blood pressure was bad and I also knew that there were a multitude of reasons why the pressure would be low.

"If he would just come around for a second I would feel a hell of a lot better." he said through clenched teeth. I tried to cut everything else out and just focus on the paramedic's words and Edward's form. They were injecting him with all sorts of medication and I had no idea what any of it meant, so I just figure it would be best to concentrate on Edward.

"Edward? We have Bella here; will you wake up for her?" he asked.

I noticed, immediately, when Edward's fingers fluttered. I pointed, not wanting to speak to anyone, and the paramedic took notice.

"Edward?" he questioned. Edward did not open his eyes or move anything but his lips, but he spoke and my heart raced at his words,

"Bella. Help her. Please. It's…bad. Bella…" Edward's voice was quiet, and strained. I began to cry again as I watched him lose touch with reality once again. The paramedic muttered a couple of obscenities as they kept working on him.

"That was impressive. I never would have thought he would have been able to say that many words. You must be special because you have no idea how much energy that had to have taken." he told me. It was the first time any of the paramedics had acknowledged my existence and I wasn't quite sure how to take it.

Finally, we reached the hospital and I jumped out of the ambulance the second the doors were open. I didn't want to be in anyone's way and I needed to get to Carlisle immediately. I heard the gurney hit the pavement and I ran toward the automatic doors of the ambulance entrance to the emergency room. They flew open and I spotted Carlisle right away. He was standing with a nurse, going over a chart, smiling and looking as relaxed and as normal as ever. He had no idea the Hell waiting for him right outside.

"CARLISLE!" I yelled with all of my might. My voice was still raspy and it hurt to yell that loudly. Carlisle's head shot up at the mention of his name and his face went from being relaxed to being mortified in a matter of a second.

"Bella?! Bella, sweetheart, what's wrong?!" Carlisle rushed toward me and I momentarily took notice that he had not commented on the fact that I was speaking. I had to hand it to him, I barely knew him but it seemed as though he cared more about what was troubling me than the fact that I was suddenly vocal.

"Edward, it's Edward." I cried as I reached Carlisle. The doctor grabbed me by the shoulders with his free hand so I wouldn't slip in my blood covered heels.

"What?! Bella, you're hurt. What happened?!" Carlisle asked. I began to sputter tears down my blood covered face and Carlisle's eyes began to grow wide with fear. Then, I heard the paramedics quick voices as the doors heaved open and the gurney carrying Edward was wheeled into the ER.

"Get him to Trauma 1, now!" Mike shouted. I watched the chart Carlisle was holding slowly slide from his hands and hit the ground with a loud clatter.

"…Edward? Ed--" Carlisle looked from me, to his son, and ran.

"Edward?! Wait, stop! That's my only son! That's my boy!" he shouted as he rushed to the trauma room. I followed quickly, barely noticing my father coming through the doors with the truck driver in handcuffs.

"What happened?! Give me stats. Now!" Carlisle demanded as he began hooking his son up to more IVs and monitors. He got a bunch of damp gauze and began to clean the blood from Edward's face as he shouted at the paramedics. I hardly understood a word the paramedics, or Carlisle, were saying but none of the numbers sounded good.

"His pressure is that low? Has been awake at all?" Carlisle asked quickly as he tore away Edward's shirt and ran his stethoscope over his chest. Carlisle shook his head, unlike the paramedic had done in the ambulance, and my heart sped up in fear.

"He spoke to her." Mike pointed to me and Carlisle looked up instantly. His eyes softened momentarily, and I was a bit relieved when he didn't being badgering me with questions.

"Bella, he'll be alright." Carlisle said quietly. I nodded but didn't move an inch. I wanted to get closer to Edward but knew that I would only be in the way. I was also afraid that if I walked much further into the room I would vomit again. I hated the smell of hospitals and the smell of blood and the constant plinking of glass being extracted from Edward. It was all enough to make my head spin…

…but I had to be strong.

"Good god, he's bleeding everywhere. What happened?!" Carlisle shouted at the paramedics. One of the younger ones spoke up,

"Drunk driver. At least, that's what Chief Swan thinks." he said. Carlisle's eyes narrowed and the look of hatred that passed over his features was terrifying.

"Carlisle, you can't get angry. Not now." one of the other doctors said. Carlisle shook his head, obviously trying his hardest to push his anger and resentment from his mind so he could concentrate on Edward.

"Edward? Can you hear me son? Ed come on, it's dad…I really need you to wake up and talk to me." Carlisle's voice broke my heart. Edward began to stir a bit and pain flickered across his bruised face. I heard a few mumbled groans from him and I couldn't help but move closer. I wanted to hug him, touch him, kiss him, but I would just be in the way.

Edward seemed to be almost crying as he began to come around, and Carlisle bent down to be able to hear him better.

"That's it, come on bud." Carlisle whispered to his son. Edward's eyes opened just barely and his mouthed moved a few times before any sound came out.

"…Daddy?" he whispered. I gasped and let a few tears fall from my eyes as I inched ever closer. His voice was very low and very raspy but I could still hear him. Carlisle took a moment to touch his son's hair before he answered.

"I'm right here. Can you tell me what hurts?" Carlisle asked. Edward tried to sit up but he screamed in pain the second he tried to move any part of his body. Carlisle and I winced in pain and I finally broke my silent streak,

"Edward, please stay down. Don't move. Please." I begged. Edward's eyes opened wider,

"Bella? Bella? Dad, help her. She's hurt, she's going to die. I don't want her to die. Please, please, I-- I-- I'm sorry." he could barely get the words out. His monitors began to beep loudly and it scared me,

"Edward I'm fine. Just stay calm." I said, trying to get him to calm down. Edward winced in pain again and I wanted to shout at the other doctors and nurses to get him some pain medicine.

"Edward, can you tell me what hurts?" Carlisle asked again.

"…Everything." he muttered. I winced again and Carlisle nodded.

"I know." he said. Edward cried as one of the nurses moved his obliterated arm in order to clean up more of his blood.

"Is it not obvious that his arm is a bit broken?" Carlisle snapped. The sound of Carlisle's harsh words shocked me. The nurse looked a bit taken aback but set his arm back down gently without a word.

"He's stable enough at the moment. Get him up to CT right now but don't take your eyes off of his vitals for a second, do you understand me?" Carlisle ordered.

They started pushing Edward from the trauma room and Carlisle rushed to me,

"Let's go get you cleaned up, alright? Will you tell me what happened?" he whispered kindly. I nodded and allowed him to lead me toward one of the rooms when we heard one of Edward's monitors begin to beep furiously. Carlisle whipped around and I followed as he hurried toward the elevator they were about to get on. Edward was gasping and writhing,

"Dad?! Dad?! I can't breathe! I can't-- I can't breathe! Dad! Make sure Bella is okay, please! PLEASE! I don't want her to be afraid. I don't want her to be hurt!" Edward screamed.

"Edward, she's fine. She's right here, she isn't badly injured I promise. Edward, calm down." Carlisle told him. I rushed to Edward's side and held his hand,

"I'm here." I said through my tears. Edward was gasping frantically for air,

"I'm okay, I'm okay, I promise. Oh god, your face. Your beautiful face. I'm so sorry…AH! Dad, I can't breathe! It hurts!" he screamed.

"Edward, come on. Hey, hey, remember when you were little and you were afraid of shots and we used to blow bubbles and count to get your mind off of it? Come on, count back from one hundred. One hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight…" Carlisle was trying his best but Edward was still frantically gasping. His skin seemed to be turning blue and I pointed it out to Carlisle. Carlisle shook his head and took hold of the gurney, pushing it back toward the trauma room.

"Doctor Morris, will you please take Bella to Exam 3? Bella, I'll be there in a moment." Carlisle said, laying a hand on my shoulder. Edward squeezed my hand,

"Go. I'm fine. I--…just go." Edward gasped. I knew he wasn't fine but I didn't have a choice as I was being led away by a less kind looking doctor.

"What? No, I don't want leave him! Don't make me leave him!" The doctor took me by the arm and directed me towards an examination room. I could still hear Edward's gasping and the monitor beeping quickly but there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

I paced back and forth in the examination room which did not please Dr. Morris in the slightest.

"Bella, if you don't sit down I can't examine you." he said. My eyes narrowed and I didn't say a word.

"Can you tell me what happened? Was Edward drinking?" Dr. Morris asked. I scoffed and shot him the dirtiest look I could muster before going back to my pacing.

"Are you going to speak to me at all?" he asked. I shook my head 'no' and he sighed. Suddenly, the door opened and my father rushed in.

"Bella. Thank God, are you alright?" he asked as he scooped me into a crushing hug. I howled with pain as he handled my broken arm and Charlie quickly jumped back.

"I just saw Dr. Cullen and-- honey, Edward doesn't look too good. Carlisle said he'd be here in a few minutes. The man who caused the accident was just stitched up and we're going to take him down to the jail to book him." Charlie said. I wanted the man to rot in Hell forever.

"_Was he drunk?" _I signed. Charlie took a moment to translate what I had "said" and finally nodded.

"Yes, very much so. Baby, I'm so sorry." he said. I wanted to cry but I wouldn't allow myself to do so again. Charlie kissed me on the head before saying his departing words,

"I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you, Bella. Dr. Cullen said he'd stitch you up, so just wait a few minutes." he said kindly. I hugged my father for the longest time before letting him go. I wanted him to stay longer, but I knew he was in a hurry to get his work done so he could come back to the hospital to be with me.

"_Love you."_ I signed. Charlie left and Dr. Morris kept trying to make small talk with me for about twenty minutes…

…it really didn't work.

"Let's get you stitched up." Dr. Morris said, trying to grab my good arm. I wrenched it away quickly and shot him a distrusting glance.

"She's waiting for me, Andrew." I heard Carlisle say as the examination room flew open again. Carlisle was sweating and he looked very tired. He sighed and turned to Dr. Morris,

"There's a young girl with a broken ankle in Exam 2...can you please go take care of it? And come get me if my wife calls back, she didn't answer her phone when I called." Carlisle whispered sadly. Dr. Morris nodded and left, probably happy to be rid of me.

"Sit down, Bella." Carlisle motioned toward the examination table. I sat down and he washed his hands methodically before turning toward me.

"How's Edward?" I asked quietly. Carlisle's eyes never left mine as he spoke to me,

"Let's get you fixed up before I tell you, alright?" he said. I nodded, not wanting to upset the good doctor in anyway. It was much quieter in the exam room and it was a welcome relief from the horror that was waiting for us outside.

It was obvious that Carlisle was trying his hardest to look calm. His face seemed smooth and relaxed, but his eyes were troubled. He pointed the penlight in my eyes to test my pupils and took my blood pressure without saying a word.

"You're very brave Bella, do you know that?" he asked after a long silence.

"I'd be dead if it hadn't been for Edward. He didn't even seem to think before he turned the car." I said. Carlisle's brow twitched in pain just a fraction of an inch,

"Could you please tell me what happened?" he said as he ran an alcohol swab over my arm.

"Do I need stitches?" I asked. He nodded,

"Unfortunately. It won't be too bad though, I promise. Talking will keep you mind off of it." Carlisle said as he began work on my arm.

"Edward was upset about his biological father being the one who killed my mother and we got in the car and took off. He decided to take a back road instead of the main road so that we could talk. He was blaming himself and was asking me if he wanted me to leave him alone forever. I was telling him "no" when I spotted the headlights, but it was too late for us to really get out of the way so Edward spun the car so that my side wouldn't get smashed. If he hadn't spun the car, I just know we'd both be dead…Edward might still die." I recalled. Carlisle stopped mid-stitch and looked up at me,

"Bella, you can't talk like that. Edward is a very selfless boy and he is very strong, but you have to help him be strong." he told me. I nodded,

"…I'll try." I whispered. Carlisle smiled just a touch and continued stitching my arms.

"You know, when he was little he beat up a boy on the playground because he made fun of Alice for being so tiny. The other kid was fine when the teacher finally tore them apart, but I had to stitch Edward's eyebrow up. The entire time he was asking if Alice was okay…he's always been selfless. Always." Carlisle told me. I smiled at this story and at the image of a young Edward defending his sister.

"There isn't much more to tell…I'm sorry. Everything is just kind of a blur." I told him. Carlisle nodded,

"It's alright Bella, you did great." he said with a small smile. He then washed the dried blood from my face and began to examine my nose.

"Is it broken?" I asked.

"Yep, looks like it's a simple break. That's good because that means you won't need surgery. Do you think you can stand the pain if push the bones back into place right now?" he asked. I wanted to say: 'No, I will most likely throw up.' but I knew I needed to do what easiest for Carlisle.

"Yes." I said. Carlisle gave me a look as if to say, 'I know you are lying but I'm going to believe you'. He placed his hands on my nose and I breathed deeply,

"I'm going to count to three…one, two, three."

_Crack._

I yelled a few curse words and cried just a bit. Carlisle placed a cast on my realigned nose and smiled at me.

"Good job! Most people I do that to cry a whole lot more." he congratulated me on a job well done. I left out the fact that I would have probably cried a lot more if my mind hadn't been on Edward. I could tell he was dancing around the subject but he was going to have to talk to me about it sooner or later.

"Now, for your arm." he said, motioning to my broken arm. He did the same with my arm and I only cried a bit as the bones snapped back together.

Ten minutes later my cuts were all stitched and my bones were all where they were supposed to be. There was nowhere else for Carlisle to hide and he side as he realized that.

"Okay…I'll tell you." he whispered. I watched his eyes carefully as he chose his words.

"Edward has what is called a 'Tension pneumothorax'. The probably sounds very scary so we'll say 'collapsed lungs'." he began to say.

"That doesn't sound any less scary." I mumbled. Carlisle continued,

"I know, and I'm sorry. We tried to relieve some of the pressure and inserted a small tube into his chest so when you see him I don't want you to be shocked. We're working on getting him stable again before we try to take him to CT. I want to get him scanned to make sure he doesn't have any head injuries outside the obvious broken bones. I'm worried there could be some bleeding in his brain but he hasn't shown any signs of extreme confusion or vomiting yet, so I'm hopeful. It's probably safe to say that almost every bone in his body is broken. His arm and leg on his left side are definitely smashed and it's going to take a surgery or two to fix that. He has a broken cheekbone, nose, and a few ribs, which probably contributed to the tension pneumothorax. We also need to look for fractures in his skull, which is why we really need to get that CT. At the moment, that's all we really know. He's unconscious at the moment, which is probably best considering the amount of pain he was in. He may wake up though, if you try and coax him. Right now, we just need to be there for him…that's all we can ask of anyone. I'm trying to reach Esme but she's proving hard to get in contact with. Just relax, and keep on alert." Carlisle told me. I kept the tears back the best I could but it didn't work, I collapsed into sobs and Carlisle caught me. He let me lay my head against his lab coat,

"Shh, it's alright. He's alive. Shh." he consoled me.

I lifted my head up and apologized for soaking his lab coat with my tears.

"I know it's a bit overwhelming. I thought I was going to have to take a break there for awhile." he told me.

"Can I-- Can I see him?" I choked on a few tears. Carlisle helped me up and held open the door for me.

"Of course you can." he said gently. I walked back into the main area of the emergency room and watched as Carlisle walked to the phone. He sat down, dialed a number, and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger.

"Esme, darling, thank god. Are you sitting down?…I have some bad news sweetie. It's Edward." the good doctor whispered sadly.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I AM SO SORRY. For keeping you all in the dark for so long. I had a period of time last week when I thought if I updated Edward would die, Bella would kill herself, and Carlisle would go on a murderous rampage. I had so many tests I once told twi-ction if my Latin test killed me she could take this story over. I would do shout outs at the moment but I'm too tired so I apologize. Also, I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the warm reviews I have received and the "good luck with your family troubles" notes. I would like to say that I never thought a story of mine would reach almost 400 reviews. That said, I will tell you now that this story will not but updated for 2 weeks. This gives me time to take finals and finish the book I am writing. But it will only be two weeks and I will miss you all. The medical knowledge in this story comes from the help of twi-ction and one of her Betas as well as own personal experience. I grew up in the hospital (mom is a neuro ICU nurse) and I continued to spend time in the hospital as a young adult and into my 20's (now)…my boyfriend's dad is an ER doc at the same hospital as my mom…so stay with me if some of it sounds outrageous…it is fiction.**

**Enjoy! Please review, you are all wonderful, amazing people. You brighten my day and I love you all. **

**Go read "Collide" by twi-ction.**

**Xoxox. I hope you all are having a wonderful start to spring.**

**- Jill **

**Edward's POV (OMG?!)**

---------------------------------

The smell. Oh dear god, the smell was horrendous. It burned my nostrils and seared the back of my throat. I remembered the smell from growing up and visiting Carlisle at work at all hours of the day and night. It was the harsh smell of rubbing alcohol and bleach. I figured all hospitals smelled relatively the same, but the bleach smell was currently overpowering and I hated it. I knew why they used the bleach. They used it to clean up massive amounts of blood…

_But, this time it isn't some poor bastard who got into a bar brawl. It's your blood. _

I couldn't bring myself to surface. The pain that consumed my entire body was keeping me from opening my eyes. I didn't want to exist anymore. I felt like my entire body was broken and my head seemed to be about thirteen times the size it was normally. I couldn't breathe, it felt like cotton was stuffed into my throat and my chest felt full of fluid. Everything hurt, everything was burning, and I was falling down and down into the cool and inviting darkness.

_Into death._

But there was one thing that kept me fighting. There was one sweet, precious, thing that kept me from surrendering and letting death take me like I knew it so badly wanted to. I would not give in. I would not let the hooded figure of death lead me away with his sickle, nor would I stop fighting. One thing kept me going…

_Her voice._

Bella's POV

----------------

Though Carlisle tried to prepare me for seeing Edward again, my heart still broke when I walked back into his hospital room. His chest was bare and a tube was sticking from it, which helped with his collapsed lungs. His face was barely recognizable through all the bruising and stitching, and I was slightly paranoid that I would hit one of his many broken bones.

There was so much I wanted to say to Edward Cullen. I wanted to thank him for saving my life, I wanted to thank him for bringing me out of my shell and for showing me that there were truly good people in the world and that I didn't need to be afraid. I wanted to show him that he had been the one to bring me out of my silence. I just wanted to speak to him, period.

I sat down in a soft chair next to his bed and laid my forehead against the blanket. I was so afraid to touch him that I decided the best way to avoid any accidents was to stay in one spot and not fumble around. My nose ached and I was certain the cast looked funny but I really didn't care. I had no idea what kind of pain Edward was in and I didn't want to know. Though the doctors and nurses had pumped him full of enough painkillers to make him sleep I was certain he was still in a great deal of discomfort.

I felt wrong in every sense of the word. I felt guilty, cheated, sad, nervous, pained, and did I mention guilty? If I hadn't screamed then Edward would not have turned the car and I would have been the one left nearly dead. Why did Edward Cullen save me? Was it possible he felt the same way about me as I did about him? Did he lov--… I couldn't bring myself to think about that. I felt so guilty for causing him so much pain and for possibly costing him his life. It was hard to believe the intensity of the feelings I had for him, considering our relationship could be measured in hours. But, as I sat there in the hospital room studying his laborious breathing and hanging on every sound he made, I realized that every relationship could be measured in hours. Every relationship came down the hours, minutes, and seconds. It did not matter the number of ticks from a clock a relationship had received, it mattered the amount of heart put in to it.

I felt cheated because I had spoken but it was a possibility that Edward would never hear me again. He had coaxed me from my shell and have given me a reason to smile and to trust and to laugh again. Now here he was, eyes closed and unresponsive. I wanted more time with him, I wanted all of time with him. He was my boyfriend, but so far we weren't getting to experience any typical girlfriend and boyfriend activities. I hated the driver of the truck and the alcohol he had consumed. I hated the fact that Edward's fath-- Mark Masen, had killed my mother all those years ago. I hated myself for not screaming in time to save my mother's life and for screaming in the first place which led to Edward almost dying. It seemed whatever I did, whatever I tried, led to disaster. I felt so robbed of happiness that I wanted to scream.

But I wouldn't.

No, I wouldn't scream and I would try my hardest to not let Edward see me cry. I would be strong for him because he needed me to be. I needed him to need me or I would fall apart into a puddle of solidarity and darkness and I would not resurface.

I turned my head toward the rest of the hospital and watched a saddened Doctor Cullen as he spoke on the phone to Esme. His eyebrows would pull together in worry and then contort into an expression of the deepest heartache. He spoke quietly and gently to Edward's mother and I wanted to cry just listening to broken bits of their conversation.

"Esme darling, don't sob so hard, you're going to make yourself sick. Shh, don't talk like that…we'll handle that when and if it happens. He's unconscious at the moment but I'm going to go try and wake him up before you get here. I just need to prepare you for what you're going to see….yes, it is bad. His leg and his arm are both obliterated and it's going to take a couple of surgeries to see if they can repair anything at all. Do you want the honest truth to that question? No, I don't think he'll ever play piano again. I'm sorry, love. I am so, so, sorry." Carlisle visibly winced and I could hear Esme's frantic sobs over the phone.

Carlisle bit his lip and swallowed hard before continuing his conversation. If Carlisle lost it I wouldn't be able to hold my sobs in any longer.

"I'll see you soon. I love you, honey. Bye-bye." Carlisle hung up the phone and let out a monumental sigh. He rested his forehead again his arms for a moment as if he were grasping at one moment of rest. Then, he pressed his eyes with the heels of hands as if he were trying to prevent any tears from escaping. Carlisle sniffled once, shook his head, and got up from his chair. My eyes followed the doctor as he walked toward Edward's room. He smiled sadly at me as he entered and began checking stats and monitors and IV bags. I didn't know what any of it meant but I took comfort in the fact that Carlisle did.

"Bella, you must be exhausted sweetheart." he spoke kindly. His voice was quiet and I liked it.

"I'm fine. I don't want to leave him…not yet." I said softly. My voice still cracked just a bit and a look of concern passed over Carlisle's face as he watched me speak.

"I'd like to examine your throat, when….this has all calmed down." he said. I nodded, it felt nice to know he cared so much.

It was quiet for a long time while Carlisle went about checking on Edward's vitals. I let him work, not wanting to disturb him, and continued my own vigil over Edward.

"Carlisle?" I asked. Carlisle stopped scribbling on a chart to give me his full attention,

"Yes?" he replied.

"Is Edward going to die?" I whispered, letting my voice falter. Carlisle stared at me for a moment before placing the chart on the counter and pulling up a stool. He sat next to me and waited a few moments before speaking. I could tell that he was taking his time in formulating the perfect answer for me and that gave me a small feeling of comfort.

"Now, why would you say something like that?" he whispered. I sighed, and bit my lip just a bit as my eyes ran over Edward's still body.

"Well…that." I said, pointing to Edward. Carlisle gave a sort of half-chuckle and nodded,

"That's understandable." he said. He seemed to think for a few more moments before continuing and I was very comforted by the soft tone of his voice.

"You need to know a couple of things Bella, and I want you to really listen to me. First off, Edward is a very, very, determined young man. If he has a goal he will try his hardest to accomplish it…he's always been that way. The fact that you are here and he has heard you speak and he knows that you care and that you need him helps more than you will ever know. He cares for you more than I have ever seen him care for a person. His entire face lights up when he speaks about you or when he sees you. I know you haven't been together very long but Bella, he…" Carlisle trailed off and I was wondering if he was going to say "he loves you."

"He what, Carlisle?" I asked in a whisper.

"You, above all else, will keep him fighting." he said. I wanted to cry but I would keep my tears to myself and let them flow when I was alone and no one could hear me sob. Carlisle laid a hand on Edward's leg and whispered something to him that I couldn't quite make out.

"How bad is it?" I asked. The words had tumbled out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop them. I did want to know how bad it was but I was still apprehensive about the answer I would receive. Carlisle sighed as if saying, 'there is no use hiding anything from you.'

"Bella, I can't lie to you. I want to protect you but if I lie to you it's just going to make things harder in the end. Right now, it does not look good. He's breathing on his own but it's awfully shallow and the fluid in his lungs is worrisome. I wanted to wait awhile before I move him up to CT for a scan, maybe you can wake him up again…I'd feel better if you got him to come around. Anyway, we won't know if he has brain damage until we get results back from a CT. Edward lost quite a bit of blood at the crash and when they pulled him out of the car and I think he may have a bleed in his abdomen considering it seemed very tender to the touch. Then again, if you touched him anywhere he seemed to scream in pain. If he doesn't have anymore episodes like the collapsed lung then it's possible that he might pull through, even probable, but he seems so weak. I don't want you to dwell on what I've told you, I just want you to be aware of the situation and the fact that it could turn even more serious in the blink of an eye. So there is the truth, and I'm sorry if it seemed harsh." Carlisle told me.

I bit my lip to keep the pesky tears away as I let out the breath I had been holding while Carlisle had explained the situation to me. I nodded and Carlisle laid a comforting hand on my back,

"Are you alright, sweetheart?" he asked. I nodded, though it was totally a lie. I wasn't fine, I was terrified.

"I'll be fine." I whispered. Carlisle nodded and then looked at his watch,

"I'm so sorry Bella…Esme is going to be here soon and I need to go greet her." Carlisle got up from his stool and put his stethoscope on to take another listen to Edward. After a few moments he took the instrument off and I saw him shake his head back and forth the slightest bit.

"Edward? Your mom is on her way, and Alice and Jasper. If you wake up I'm sure Alice will get here just in time for you to make some crude remark. Edward?…just hang on buddy, please. Bella's here…would you wake up for her?" Carlisle motioned me forward and I reached out for Edward's hand. I gave it a squeeze,

"I'm right here." I whispered. It took a few moments, but Edward squeezed me hand weakly which made me grin from ear to ear. Carlisle nodded,

"It's not what I hoped for, but it's something." he said. Carlisle patted me on the back, ruffled Edward's hair, and left the room to go greet Esme. I turned back to Edward and squeezed his hand repeatedly hoping for another response.

I got nothing.

"Edward? I'd really like it if you would wake up. I need you to wake up. I need you Edward, I need you to open you eyes and show me that you are alright. If you wake up then we can get you a CT and we can make sure everything is okay and then we can get you better. Just please, please, open your eyes." I begged. I got no response and finally decided to give up. I dropped Edward's hand and began to pace the room nervously. I wanted him to wake up and be perfectly normal. I wanted his cuts and bruises and broken bones to all be magically healed so that we could move on.

But I knew that wouldn't happen.

"Carlisle, I don't know what I'll do if he di--" Esme and Carlisle were getting closer and I heard Carlisle quickly hush her.

"Shh, not now…not here." he whispered. The pair of them rounded the corner and Esme rushed to me as if I were her own child.

"Oh, you poor dear. I'm so sorry Bella, my god you poor thing. Are you alright? Are you too badly hurt? I'm so, so, sorry I should have never let him leave while he was so upset." Esme hugged me tightly and I was wondering if it was an attempt to hide her view of Edward.

"I'm fine, really. The accident was not Edward's fault at all…in fact, he saved my life." I said through tears. The site of Edward's mother so upset caused me to break my vow of no more tears.

"Edward, oh my god. My poor baby…I'm so sorry. I'm right here, Edward. I'm sorry I let you leave the house. God, you're so hurt. Your poor body…sweetie." Esme whispered as she sunk into the chair next to Edward's bedside.

"Come on dear, let's let Esme have a little while with Edward. Would you like to go get a drink in the cafeteria?" Carlisle asked, steering me toward the exit.

"Do they make a rum and coke?" I asked dryly. Carlisle chuckled and led me down the hallway toward the elevators.

The cafeteria was bright but didn't smell like a hospital as much as the rest of the building did. I sat down in a booth and rested my head for a moment while I waited for Carlisle. I didn't feel like sleeping but I would admit that I was beyond exhausted. I wanted a nice hot shower and for all of this to just be some awful nightmare. I sighed when I realized it wasn't a dream at all…it was cold and harsh reality.

Carlisle returned and placed a cup of coffee and a chocolate chip cookie in front of me. I smiled at the hot coffee and the cookie, and then at the doctor.

"We'll get you a change of clothes soon. I think Alice is going to bring some." Carlisle said.

"Where is Alice?" I asked.

"She didn't think she could handle it just yet. She went back to Edward's apartment to bring him a few things and to take a few minutes to collect herself. She's…freaking out, to say the least." Carlisle told me. I nodded and was saddened to imagine Alice as anything but bouncy.

"I hope Edward wakes up soon." I said, trying to steer the subject away from Alice. Carlisle nodded,

"I do too. I think he will wake up when he fully realizes that you're here. I think he's trying to fight his way out of the darkness. At the moment, he's under some heavy medication so that's making him very tired. That, coupled with the fact that he's been through so much has really taken a toll on him." he said.

"There's so much I want to say to him." I whispered.

"You're so good for him Bella. I can't tell you how long Edward has waited for someone. He's still young but he's never been truly happy. Not in the way you make him. It's amazing, for a father to watch his son smile like that. Please, stay with him." Carlisle said kindly. I could have cried at his words, but I just smiled instead.

"I don't plan on going anywhere." I said. Just then, Carlisle's phone rang loudly in his pocket.

"Esme? What's wrong?" he asked. My heart immediately sped up, fearing the worst. Carlisle's face lit up into a smile and I relaxed a little bit,

"Fantastic! We'll be right there." he said, hanging up.

"What is it?" I asked. Carlisle chuckled,

"He's saying your name." he said. I smiled, grabbed my coffee, and we left for Edward's room.

----------------------------------------------

"Bella? I want Bella, Bella?" Edward was mumbling as I ran into the room. He was moving his head back and forth and Esme was trying to calm him down.

"I'm here, I'm right here Edward. Hey, hi…I'm here." I said as Edward's eyes opened.

"I thought I'd lost you." Edward mumbled. His voice was so week and broken and it sounded so painful. I hoped Carlisle would examine his throat as well…maybe get a two-for-one special.

"We'll leave you two alone." Esme whispered, kissing Edward's forehead and leaving with Carlisle to give Edward and I some privacy. Edward's eyes were shiny as he gazed at me,

"Your poor nose, your poor face…I'm so sorry. I should have stayed calm and not left…I-I- don't know what I'd do if I had lost you…you're…you're so, so, im-- important to me." he wheezed.

"Shh, don't try to speak so much. None of this is your fault. None of it. Don't you even think about blaming yourself…that would just be stupid. I'm fine…see." I said, trying my best to smile.

"Your voice…it's…wonderful. It's better than I could have imagined. You should get the death penalty for keeping everyone in the dark about how beautiful you sound for all these years." he whispered. I rolled my eyes,

"Mr. Cullen, are you flirting with me?" I asked. He smiled and winced at the same time,

"You know me all too well." he said.

"Actually, I'm not speaking to everyone. Only your family, you, and Charlie. I don't trust anyone else." I said. Edward was silent for a while, but his eyes were open and trained on me.

"Bella, I need to talk to you about something. I know we haven't known each other long but why should that matter, right? If you want to go running for the hills and never see me again that's okay but…I'm afraid. I'm afraid I might not--…I'm afraid I might not get a chance to say it…don't look at me like that. I feel for you more than I have ever felt for anyone in my entire life. You light up my day…I sit by the phone and wait for you to call…I'm like a high schooler. I haven't known you very long or anything but…I find you so attractive and it's not just in the physical sense. If you were to never speak again I would understand. I mean, I'm glad you're talking but if you never spoke it would be okay." he said. Tears had been cascading down my cheeks the entire time…so much for my promise of not letting him see me cry.

"I feel the exact same way. I'm not as poetic as you are, I'm not as great at expressing my feelings but…I feel the same way." I said. I was blubbering mess and I wanted to impress him by saying something romantic but I failed.

We spoke candidly for a few more minutes, and I was happy to see that he seemed to be perking up. We didn't speak about the accident…but the subject was there like a big elephant in the room.

"Bella…I think--…ow…that's weird. I think I'm fall-- ow!" Edward was trying to say something but he kept wincing.

"What is it?" I asked, worried.

"Nothing, just my head. As I was saying, I think I'm falling in-- OW!…Oh….fuck! I'm sorry…ow." he was trying to shake off the pain but he looked terrified.

"Edward?" I asked a bit more frantically. Edward's eyes would widen and then he would wince,

"OW! Oh my god! Fuck! OW, my head! Bella, get my dad…please, it's okay…it's okay…I'm not hurt. Don't be afraid just-- OW! AH! DAD! DAD!!" Edward swore and I began to panic.

"DR. CULLEN! CARLISLE!" I screamed. Carlisle ran in with Esme not too far behind,

"What is it son? What's wrong?" Carlisle asked in a rush as he ran towards the bed.

"My head, oh my god, my head it's like…a vice…it's like someone is shoving knives into my brain. AH! IT HURTS!…I --" Edward was panicking. Carlisle tried to lean him back but he was pushing forward, screaming in pain. Esme was trying to pull me out of the room but I wanted to stay.

It all happened so quickly then.

"Edward you have to lay back, come on…" Carlisle was trying his hardest to get Edward to stay stable. Edward shook his head,

"Bella!" he called. I looked up, he signed to me, and then he began to gasp for air.

That sign was the most important sign one could give to another.

I love you.

"I don't…feel…well--" Edward then leaned over the side of his bed and vomited copious amounts of dark red blood onto the floor.

I thought I was going to faint.

"Oh my god." Esme said frantically. She pulled at me to follow her but I just stood there, watching, as he kept vomiting. It splashed onto the floor with a sick sputtering noise. His monitors began to go crazy and Carlisle said every swear word I could think of.

"I NEED A CRASH CART IN HERE!" he bellowed. All I could say was 'no' over and over again as I watched Edward writhing. I didn't know if he was having a seizure or not and I was terrified that he was.

"EDWARD!" I screamed.

"Get her out of here! Now!" Carlisle yelled.

Esme finally pulled me out of there and toward an empty room. I took it to be the room families went when they were too upset to be in the normal waiting room. I was screaming and sobbing and pounding on the door and Esme was trying her hardest to keep me calm.

"Darling, shh…it's alright. I know, I know." Esme said clutching me tightly to her.

I sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed for what seemed like hours.

Alice had showed up finally and had given me a change of clothes…it was all a blur. Alice, changing, pacing…waiting. Everything was just a blur.

Then, the door opened and Carlisle stepped in. Sweat was pouring from his head and he looked exhausted. He had taken off his lab coat at some point in time and the button-up he wore underneath was covered in his son's blood. I heard him sniffle in the silent room,

"It's…very, very, serious. Edward has a bleed in his brain that needs to be operated on immediately. But, because everything is swollen there is some risks…ones that I am not sure I am willing to take here. The doctor that normal performs this type of procedure is out of town for the week, I don't want to wait because the longer we wait the lower his chances are. There is a hospital in Seattle known for this type of surgery. Edward can be life-flighted there and we can follow by car. Now, I don't want any tears at this moment…I think I've cried enough for us all on the way back here from CT. We need to act now and mourn later, if the situation calls for it. Edward is alive and we must be thankful for that. Is that understood?" Carlisle's voice was as strong as it could be and it only faltered once.

"What about Bella?" Alice asked, very quietly. All eyes seemed to turn to me,

"To Seattle." I said, without a moment's hesitation.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Wow! It has been 2 weeks and I am back and let me say...you guys make my life so much better. This story has reached 400 reviews and I couldn't be happier. Tomorrow is my 21st birthday (April 28th), so I thought I'd update as a present for you. I'm sorry if it doesn't seem too long...I am still very busy, even though I took two weeks off. It paid off though! I received an A on that 8 page history paper I took a break from this to write (if you follow me LiveJournal you KNOW what hell I went through with that). I also go an A on my Mythology final presentation (so that's one A down for the semester and three to go). Finals week is next week so if you don't see an update I have either drowned in Latin flashcards or I'm just really busy studying. I hope you enjoy this update and, let me just say, I really appreciate you all sticking with me through all of this. Read and Review as always and ENJOY!**

**Go read "Collide" by twi-ction...I do shout-outs now! **

**xoxo**

**-Jill  
**

**twi-ction: I don't even know where to START! Thank you for all the advice you offer me on this story (and my life in general)...you've stopped me from going to Volterra so many times. ILY SO MUCH! You are my hero. I absolutely, freaking adore you.  
**

**little_dhampire: WOW! That might have been the greatest review I have ever read. Readers like you are why I keep writing. Seriously, that made my day more than anything. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thanks for the virtual hug and all of your great words...that was a truly kind review and it made me tear up. I love reading reviews like that where the reader has picked up on all the subtle things I've tried to lay down. YOU ROCK! Thank yoU!**

**dreaming-ofnight: I'm glad you couldn't stop! Don't you love stories like that? I'm sorry you were crying :( ...and I'm sorry that there may be more crying sessions to come. **

**skyeypiey: Yes, Bella's voice is still hurting. Sore throats suck (in my opinion)...her's is like a turbo sore throat. Carlisle hasn't really gotten a chance to check her out yet...but he will.**

**hammondgirl: thanks bb! Edward has the ability to make you swoon even if he's vomiting blood. **

**katherinef7: Thanks! I'm glad my medical terminology isn't too off...I'm trying.**

**.jro: Thank you! Here is the update you have been so patiently waiting for!**

**jasperpopmebubbles: Your username rocks! I'm sorry you cried so much! You'll of course have to wait to see if Edward dies. I'm glad you love the story, though! xoxo**

**mad4hugh: Thank you for waiting so patiently! I also love Carlisle in this story. Thank you for your thoughts, everything is going...alright here. **

**nermalasu: THANKS FOR YOUR HELP! YOU ROCK!**

**Isabeau01: Thank you! Edward will NOT be blaming Bella for his health issues IF he ever wakes up. **

**SmileBright: Thank you for waiting! :)**

**Rebecca's Mom: I always love hearing from you...your reviews make me smile ALL the time. Thank you for your warm words for my story. Thank you for your concern for, not only my story, but for me as well. All is well here, for now...and Im hoping it will stay calm for awhile. I'm tired...lmao. **

**Little Miss Whitlock: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BB!! I hope it was a fantastic one.**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
**

"Bella, you don't have to come." Carlisle whispered, walking forward and laying a strong hand on my shoulder. Mere minutes had ticked by since Carlisle had informed us that Edward was in dire need of immediate surgery and that it was crucial that we move him to a Seattle hospital in order for him to get the best care possible.

What did they expect me to do, run and hide like a coward? Pretend I didn't love--...did I? Did I love Edward Cullen? He had signed it to me, he had told me he loved me in the most poignant way possible. Did I have the same feelings for him? Did I love him?

Yes.

Then why was I terrified of going to Seattle? I think I was simply worried of what might happen. Still, that wouldn't stop me from going. I was determined to be as brave as possible for myself, Edward's family and, especially, Edward. I wouldn't stay behind in Forks for because I was afraid.

"I want to go. I have to go." I said, pointedly. Carlisle's mouth turned up in the smallest of smiles at my reply.

"Then let's hurry back to the house and get on the road." he said, addressing the rest of the family. Alice stepped forward and wrapped her tiny arm around my waist,

"I'll take Bella back to the house if you need to get charts and things ready before they take Edward." she said. Alice's voice had lost the usual cheer it held, and that scared and saddened me.

It suddenly dawned on me that I probably wouldn't get to see Edward again before he went to surgery. What if we didn't get to Seattle on time? What if he went into the OR before I got a chance to see him?

"Carlisle, can I see Edward again before we leave?" I whispered. I was hoping that my throat would eventually stop hurting and I made a mental note to let Carlisle inspect me after the whole ordeal with Edward was over.

However it ended.

"...Of course, Bella. I have to warn you though, he isn't in the best of shape. Edward crashed twice and both times we weren't sure if we were going to get him back. He isn't conscious and has a tube in his throat to help him breathe, along with the chest tube to aid his collapsed lung. I don't want all the tubes to scare you, they are there to help him and he's not in any pain at the moment." Carlisle explained to me. I nodded, but couldn't ignore the chill that crept through me at his words.

"Jasper and I will go get the car." Alice whispered, and the two of them slipped away silently. Esme walked forward and kissed Carlisle on the cheek,

"I'm going to go wait at the nurse's station until you're ready to go. I'll let the kids ride together." she whispered. Carlisle nodded,

"Alright, I shouldn't be long. Do you want to talk to Edward after Bella?" he asked.

"Yes, but she needs her time with him." Esme told him. Then, she brought me into a hug and kissed me on the head,

"I'm not your mother, but she would truly be proud of you...I know I am." she said. Why was she proud of me? I hadn't achieved anything except nearly getting her son killed.

The look of confusion must have been extremely apparent on my face, because Carlisle turned to whisper to me as soon as Esme had left the room,

"You're very brave...she picks up on that." he whispered. He held open the door for me as we started the walk toward Edward's room. The walk there seemed like it took hours and I couldn't help but gasp when we walked in. The smell of peroxide and betadine was almost nauseating as I entered the small room. I resisted the urge to vomit as I took in Edward's still form. The monitors were emitting a steady beep, and the ventilator he was attached to would make a hissing noise every now and then as it helped him breathe.

"He's not in pain?" I asked.

"No, not at all." Carlisle informed me. I nodded and bit my lip,

"Could, could I go with him in the helicopter?" I asked stupidly. My voice was betraying me in my attempt to be strong as it quaked.

"I wish I could let you, dear. They only have enough room for Edward and the equipment and the assistants. You wouldn't want to be in the way and, if something were to happen..." Carlisle's voice trailed off as he searched for the right words, "I don't want you to be traumatized to be honest. If something were to happen mid-air you would never get that image from your mind. You've already seen too much...far too much. I'm sorry Bella, I'm truly sorry." the good doctor looked so concerned. His eyes were deep and sad and I already missed the Carlisle I had met earlier that night.

The night that seemed to have happened in another lifetime. All the happiness and laughter, all the excitement of meeting Edward's parents, and my silly little hopes that maybe I'd get a goodnight kiss...it was all gone. I thought of normal people who were leading their normal lives at that moment. There were couples still snuggling in their warm beds, their only worry was that they would wake up to find that they had only five minutes before their alarm clocks would sound. Some couples were still in the clubs, dancing the night away with their bodies pressed tightly together. Still, others were bickering with each other over petty little things. At least all of those couples were perfectly healthy. Edward and I had just started our relationship and we had already endured so many hardships. Who knew how many trials and tribulations were to come? How could I be certain that Edward would not die? I couldn't. There was no definite answer to my query, no grand plan. Just Edward and so many possibilities.

"Will he wake up? Before he gets on the helicopter?" I asked, avoiding our previous conversation.

"No...at least, it's not likely. He's gone through so much trauma that he's just started shutting down. We've stabilized him so that he would alright to travel. He's on the ventilators for a reason...to keep him going. But, it's not all doom and gloom. If we can get him into surgery promptly then there is a chance he could recover without any deficits. You have about fifteen minutes before he leaves. Alice is waiting in the car and Esme and I will meet you back at the house before we leave. I'll leave you with him now. Bella, it'll be alright." Carlisle kissed my head and left the room with Edward's chart in hand.

I walked up to Edward's head and laid a hand on his cheek. His skin was cool and slightly clammy, like a fever had just broken. He was beginning to grow a bit of stubble back and I wondered how often he shaved. The medical tape holding the tube in place looked painful and I wanted to know if it felt itchy to him. He still had a bit of dried blood along his sutures and I rushed to the sink to wet a few pieces of gauze so I could clean him up.

"Edward, I don't think you can hear me. I hope you can hear me, but I don't think you can. Still, I feel like I need to tell you a couple of things before you leave. I need to tell you how I feel, and it might take me a bit of fumbling around...after all, I was silent for quite a long time. Okay, here it goes. I love you. I love you and I love everything about you. You've pulled me out of the darkness I had been in for years and years. Now you're in the dark and I can't do anything to bring you out. There isn't anything I can do to try and help because I'm not a doctor. I'm not smart, I'm no good in stressful situations...but I'm trying. I'm trying to fight for you and for myself. I'm trying to hold it together for you and I'm finding it very, very, hard to stay together without wanting to break down and scream. It's so hard Edward! I can't stand seeing you like this, all silent and bruised and bloodied and beaten. It's not fair, we were just starting out. My biggest concern was that I would trip in those ridiculous heels, or drop my plate, or make a stupid joke at dinner. I was worried that I wouldn't get a goodnight kiss or that you would decide that maybe you didn't want to be my boyfriend because I didn't speak. Then everything came crashing down and now I might lose you. I don't want to lose you Edward please, please, please. I'm sorry I screamed, I'm sorry my actions caused you to turn the car. Please, please. I love you. I love you. I just, I don't want you to hurt. I want you to wake up and be perfectly fine and I want us to go to The Pub with Alice and Jasper and...and...if you wake up I'll...I'll fucking sing karaoke just please be okay! Be okay! Be...okay!" I began to sob uncontrollably. Edward was so still and cold that I couldn't handle it any longer.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I'm crying and making an awful mess of things. I love you. I don't want the last--....I don't want you to hear me cry. I love you. I'm going to go now, okay? I'm going to go and let your mother have some time with you and I'm going to see you when you wake up in Seattle. You have to wake up, do you hear me? I can't loose you...I'll see you soon. I'm not going to say goodbye. I love you." I kissed his head and, before I began to bawl my eyes out once again, quickly hurried out of the room and toward the automatic doors.

I couldn't stop walking. If I stopped I would break down instantly into a big puddle of tears. If I stopped walking I would revert back to my old self. I would go back into my darkness and no longer speak to Carlisle, or any of the other Cullens. I wouldn't speak to my father, or Edward. I would cease to be.

So I kept going.

The doors heaved open and I found Alice and Jasper were waiting for me in the car. Their expressions were thoughtful and forlorn. I could tell they were each thinking about what they could have possibly done to have prevented this from happening. I had their answer...Nothing. It wasn't their fault that Edward was lying in a hospital bed, or that my arm was broken. It wasn't their fault in the slightest.

Alice got out of the passenger side seat without a word, allowing me to climb into the cramped back seat of her sporty porsche. I drew my knees up as she settled back down into her seat in silence. Jasper turned the key and the engine started with a roar that would have, on any other day, resulted in me giggling or jumping. Tonight, however, I just sat there as we pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

"Um...Alice, do you still have my cell phone?" I was the one to finally break the silence (something that hadn't happened in many, many, years).

"Oh, yeah...I'm sorry." she muttered. She dug through her purse and handed me my battered cell phone. I swallowed hard as I recognized the fingerprints of blood that I had placed on the number pad as I had rushed to call 911. I shut my eyes for a moment before opening them and focusing on my task at hand. I dialed Charlie's phone number in a hurry. He had taken the drunk driver back to the police station before I had the chance to talk to him. I put the blood covered phone to my ear and waited for my father's gruff voice.

The phone only rang once before he picked up.

"Bella, sweetheart, are you alright? I just talked to Dr. Cullen." Charlie said. I bit my lip in an attempt to keep my tears away.

"I'm fine. So did he tell you that we're going to Seattle?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'm so sorry, honey...about all of this. Will you call me the moment you get there?" he asked.

"Yes.... I love you, Dad." I whispered. Charlie paused for a few moments,

"...I love you too, kiddo." he said. I wanted to cry then, but I didn't.

Charlie and I said our goodbyes and I closed the phone, making a note to get a new one the moment I was could. I didn't want any reminders of the hellish night I had experienced.

The ride to the Cullen's home was silent. I saw Jasper reach for the radio nob once, but he retracted his hand before he turned it on. Alice just stared out the window without a single word. I was wondering what thoughts were going through her head. Was she thinking of all the times Edward had teased her for her hyper attitude? Was she thinking the childhood memories she so cherished, or how she knew Edward would protect her against anyone? I would never know, because I would never ask. The thoughts of Alice Cullen were for her to know, and Jasper and I to only speculate on.

Finally, we pulled up the long gravel driveway of the house. The lights were still on, I assumed Esme, Jasper, and Alice had rushed out so quickly that they had left them on. The car stopped right next to Jasper's motorbike, and my stomach flipped when I realized the shiny Volvo would never be parked in that driveway again.

Jasper jumped out of the car and rushed to the passenger-side door. Always the gentleman, he was.

"Come on, Bella. Let's pack some clothes so we can be on our way." Alice spoke for the first time in the whole trip. I climbed out after her and followed her up the front steps and into the house.

"I still have a closet full of clothes here...oh my god look at you." she said. She had finally turned around to speak to me and caught sight of my disheveled form in the light of the living room.

"You poor thing. Would you like to shower? Well, I suppose you can't shower with that broken nose. Hmmm...come with me." Alice said, grabbing my hand and dragging me up the stairs. There she was, the Alice I had met and instantly adored. She was still there, just hidden beneath shock and anguish.

Alice drug me into the bathroom and plopped me onto a chair. She grabbed a washcloth and ran it under the warm water before she began cleaning my face. The water felt nice and I could have fallen asleep if I really tried. For the first time since the accident I felt exhausted. In the hospital my actions were totally fueled by adrenaline, but at the house, where it was silent, I could feel the weight of the night pushing me down.

"I'm so tired." I croaked. Concerned flashed across Alice's face,

"I'm sorry, sweetie." she whispered.

And then, Alice broke.

She was washing dried blood from my cheek when she crumpled into a heap of sobs. Her tiny body shook with the force of her crying and I caught her as she fell forward.

"Alice, are you alright?" I asked, frantically.

"I'm..so-so-s-s-s-orry...I just...I don't want him to dieeee." she sobbed. I clutched her with my good arm and tried my best to comfort her.

"Alice, please don't cry. Carlisle said that Edward was strong...Alice, please...please..." I spoke quietly but desperately. If Alice continued crying like she was it was only going to lead me to lose it.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I've tried to stay so calm through all of this. I've only sobbed a few times and they were in private. That's why it took me so long to get to the hospital, I'm a coward and I couldn't face the truth. I'm sorry, please forgive me." Alice said through her tears. Her sobbing hadn't lasted very long and I was thankful when she stood up and offered me a weak smile.

"Are you alright?" I whispered. Alice nodded and grabbed my hand once more, leading me from the bathroom into a bedroom I took to be Carlisle and Esme's. Edward and Alice's school pictures were plastered all over the walls and it both hurt, and delighted, me to see them.

"You're too tall to fit into any of my clothes." Alice said, as she sniffled and shuffled toward Esme's closet.

"And too fat." I said. Alice lobbed a shoe at me,

"If you ever say that again, I'm telling Edward and THEN I will kill you." she said.

I believed her.

"Put these on, they're some of Esme's really old clothes...but they're still in pretty good shape." Alice threw me a pair of jeans and a dark blue top. Alice left me alone to get dressed. The clothes fit well, and they were comfortable and soft. I didn't really care what I looked like, I just wanted to be comfortable until we got up to Seattle.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked as I stepped out of the bedroom to find her standing in front of me with a duffel bag in each hand.

"Yeah." I said. She nodded,

"We'll get you some proper clothes once we get up to Seattle. We haven't much time and I just heard Carlisle pull up. Let's go." Alice said, leading the way down the stairs.

--------------------------

"Alice, do you have enough gas in your car?" Carlisle asked as he stuffed his cell phone charger in a duffle bag.

"For the fifteenth time dad, I have gas in my car." Alice muttered,

"Alice, shh." Esme said.

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get us all out of here as quickly as possible and I'm forgetting answers you've already given me." Carlisle responded.

"I think we're all ready if you are." Esme said, flipping off lights and heading for the door.

"Follow us and we'll meet you in Seattle in about four hours." Carlisle said to Jasper. Jasper nodded,

"Yes, sir." he said. Carlisle chuckled once,

"I'm going to give up trying to tell you not to call me 'sir'....I think I'm fighting a losing battle." Carlisle told him, clapping him on the shoulder before letting us pass him on our way out the door.

"Okay, we'll meet you there." Alice said, rushing for her Porsche.

"Be careful! I mean it! Watch out for other drivers. I love you all." Esme said before she closed the passenger door to Carlisle's Mercedes.

And then, we were off.

The drive to Seattle was long and silent. The entire time I stared out the window, wondering if I could pick out the helicopter carrying Edward to the hospital. I never heard a helicopter, or saw one, but I couldn't help but feel that Edward wasn't too far away from me.

I used the time to try and get a bit of sleep, but every time I closed my eyes all I saw was the crash. I saw Edward's terrified expression as he spun the wheel in order to save me. I saw the glass, the blood, the metal, all of it. I couldn't stand it, so I tried to keep my eyes open for as long as I could.

"Bella, try and sleep please. If you don't try and sleep then you're just going to fall apart." Jasper whispered. I looked toward the front to find Alice asleep and Jasper staring at the dark road ahead.

"All I see is the crash." I whispered.

"I know, and I'm sorry. But, if you don't get some rest then your mind isn't going to want to work...would some music help?" he asked.

"It might, but I don't want to wake Alice." I whispered. Jasper smirked,

"Once Alice is out, she's out. She maybe hyper and bouncy and attentive during the day but...she needs to reboot at the end of the day." he said.

"Sure, a bit of music would probably help to take my mind off of it." I muttered. Jasper turned on the radio and the low sound of music filled my ears. It took me a few moments to recognize the song...

"Lullaby" by Spill Canvas.

Instead of dreaming of the crash, I dreamt of Edward singing to me as I fell asleep against his tube free chest. It was a perfect dream and I was finally starting to feel a bit better, until I was abruptly awoken by a pair of strong arms pulling me from the car.

"Come on, Bella...he's already gone into surgery." Carlisle whispered quickly.

My heart began to thunder in my chest.

Already in surgery.

Had something gone wrong?

Did something happen to Edward in midair?

Would he come out of this?

I was pulled into the unfamiliar hospital as thousands of questions flooded my mind.

So much for peace.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: WOW! It's been awhile and I am blown away by the responses. You guys make my life complete. I shall give shout outs at the beginning of the next chapter, but I love you all. Twi-ction, thank you for helping me so much with this chapter...you are my saving grace as always and it probably would not have been completed tonight without you. So, to make a long story short...the harddrive on my computer crashed. My first thought: "SHIT! MY BOOK!" my second thought: "SHIT! SILENCE IN THE STACKS!" my boyfriend is amazing, though (thank god for computer information systems majors) and somehow got on there and saved all my documents before everything came crashing down in a firey death ball. My computer is still fried (so I'm using his mac), but I have all my documents so yay! Finals went well (Hooray for a 3.5 semester!) and I'm free of classes until June 15th when I start French. I'm so sorry for the lag in update, I was trying to find time to sit and write this sad chapter, it was hard. Please don't kill me, please...there is no "THE END." at the end of this chapter so no, the story isn't over. Enjoy the chapter for what it is, Review (oh my god, this story has almost 500 reviews...wtf? I never thought anything I have ever written would have 500 reviews WOOHOO), and go read "Collide" by twi-ction...it's pretty much pure amazingness. I LOVE IT. Shout-outs and other suggestions will come next chapter. I also apologize for typos. I hope everyone is having a splendid time and is doing well. **

**xoxox**

**- Jill**

**-----------------**

Bella's POV

----------------

The bright lights of the hospital nearly blinded me as I was led into the main lobby. I instantly missed the comforting backseat of the car as I realized where I was. The hospital was not only bright and white, but it was loud. It was louder than the one in Forks, and the smell was so much harsher than it had been at home. I was experiencing sensory overload as we approached a front desk, and I half wanted to hurl all over the expensive floor tiles.

"Yes, can I help you?" the woman behind the counter asked. her hair was a shocking shade of orange and it curled all over the place like snakes. Her scrubs were a garish purple, and I resisted the urge to comment on the fact that she resembled a Halloween treat.

Was Edward's smartass attitude rubbing off on me?

"I'm Dr. Cullen...my son Edward was just taken to surgery." Dr. Cullen's soft voice was a welcome relief to my ears.

The nurse didn't even look up from the mess of charts in front of her. She looked very indifferent to the entire situation and I noticed as Carlisle's eyes narrowed for the briefest of seconds.

"Subdural hematoma?" the nurse said. Was that all Edward was, just some ailment on a chart? I didn't take too kindly to that, but I kept my mouth shut on the subject. I didn't want to speak to anyone unrelated to Edward (aside from Jasper), "Uh...I haven't seen him. Was he supposed to arrive before now?"

"Yes. Bronze hair, strong jaw, should have arrived on a helicopter not too long ago. He isn't a piece of luggage for you to lose, he's my son." Carlisle said. I could detect an undertone of wise ass in his voice, but he was remaining as calm as possible. The nurse scrambled through more charts and finally pulled one from the bottom of the stack,

"He just went in not too long ago. If you follow this hallway and take the elevator to the fourth floor you'll find signs directing you to the waiting area. There is a nurse by the name of Alex, she'll be able to tell you about your son's current condition." She spoke rather dryly. I watched Carlisle 's jaw tense before he led our group toward the elevators.

"Nice hospital." I heard Jasper whisper

"What they spent on tropical fish tanks could have been used to hire more hospitable staff." Carlisle commented.

"Oh?" Esme whispered.

"When a family comes in, obviously distressed, you don't simply flit through papers as if they are there to pick up a coat…you are attentive, caring, and do everything in your power to help said family. I would have had her badge for that attitude." Carlisle growled.

The elevator ride seemed to take hours. The doors finally heaved open and the hospital floor in front of us seemed busier than the emergency room in Forks. Nurses were bustling about from room to room with needles, medicine, and other medical tools in hand. It looked like a scene out of an action movie right after a giant disaster.

And this was where Edward was.

"Excuse me, can I help you?" a young nurse with a kind face asked. Carlisle flashed his medical badge at her and she grinned,

"Yes, Dr. Cullen…we've been expecting you. Edward went right into surgery about thirty minutes ago." She said. Carlisle nodded,

"Am I allowed to go in?" he asked. I saw Esme's look of surprise,

"Carlisle." She whispered harshly.

"If something were to happen I would want to be there…if the worse happens I want to be the one to tell you." He spoke so softly to her that I could barely hear.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not able to tell you at the moment. It's a very tedious procedure and any intrusion now would be too costly." The nurse informed us.

"Thank you…uh…Alex. Thank you very much, is there anywhere for my family and I to wait?" Carlisle spoke very softly to this nurse, he seemed to like her.

"There is a waiting room down at the end of the halfway and to your left. You'll find fresh coffee and a television. Once Dr. Taylor comes out I will direct him your way." Alex said. I liked Alex, she was sweet.

"Thank you." Carlisle nodded, grabbed my hand, and led the family toward the end of the hallway.

"I didn't want you seeing any of those patients…" he spoke quietly. I nodded and followed his lead down the dim hallway to a vacant waiting room.

The room was dimly lit, and I felt tired the moment I entered. Jasper made his way to a lamp and switched it on, giving the light mediocre illumination compared to the way it had been before,

"Thank you Jasper." Esme whispered. Jasper nodded and took a seat next to Esme. The couches were that thick, slick, vinyl that was usually found in hotel lobbies. It was an off green color, and not all that inviting. I sat on the other side of Alice and tried to concentrate on anything but the sound of the surgical unit down the hall. There had been so much beeping that it had about driven me mad, and I was very pleased when Carlisle had led us away to a much quieter location.

"Oh look, chess." Alice said, in a very monotone like fashion. She hadn't said much since her breakdown at the Cullens, and I didn't quite blame her. She was trying to be very strong for everyone, and that was a very heavy cross to bear.

"Would you like to play?" she asked me. I could tell that she was doing her best to deter my attention from Edward and the surgery that was currently taking place. I decided to humor her,

"Sure." I whispered. Alice set up the pieces quickly and I went to make my first move.

Minutes ticked by.

Rain started to tap loudly against the window pane.

Esme and Jasper were watching the Food Network's late night programming.

Alice was about to overtake one of my rooks.

And Carlisle was pacing furiously.

The coffee in the pot was still hot, but no one had touched it.

Water stained magazines were strewn haphazardly across light tan coffee tables.

Doctors would walk by but none of them stopped to talk to us.

Two surgeons conversed about a baseball game and their hopes for the playoffs.

…All while Edward could have been living or dying in an operating room.

"For the love of god, Carlisle …how long does something like this take?!" Esme finally shouted. Carlisle stopped dead in his tracks and looked at his wife with sad eyes.

"As long as it needs to, love." He whispered. Alice had jumped at Esme's exclamation and hand knocked over two of my remaining pawns,

"Balls." She muttered, and quickly repositioned them.

"It's okay…you're going to win anyway." I said. Alice smirked,

"I did learn from the best." She recalled fondly.

"It seems like it's been hours." Esme said. Carlisle nodded,

"I know, I know…but these things take time. It was a very bad bleed and we won't know for awhile how the surgery is going. I would rather it take a couple more hours than for a surgeon to come running out here right this instant. Trust me, he's in good hands." He said. Esme just stared at her husband for five long moments before turning her attention back to the cake decorating show Jasper was pretending to watch.

The rain began to pound harder and harder against the thick glass windows. Seattle was dismal and unfamiliar. The city was dismal, even with all of the lights and traffic. It would have been nice on a cool summer day, a fun day trip perhaps, but now...

I would never want to look at the city again.

It was strange to me to know that Edward was lying not to far from me. They were poking at his brain, trying to fix a bleed that threatened to take him from me. No one had said a word as to why he had been rushed into surgery. No one had told Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his family what was going on. All they ever said was,

"I'm sorry but I'm not able to at the moment."

At the moment? What was that supposed to mean? Would they be able to tell us more details after he was dead? What was so secret about his surgery? Or were they just preparing us for the absolutely worst thing possible?

Had Edward died in the helicopter?

"Bella?...Bella!" Alice shouted. I shook my head and quickly turned my eyes back to the board.

"Hmm?" I asked quietly. Alice cocked her tiny little head to the side,

"Are you okay? It's your turn." she said. I nodded,

"Just fine. I was...thinking, that's all." I said. Alice stared at me, like she wanted to say something, but refrained. I moved my knight carelessly and I was shocked when she let me keep it.

"You could have taken that." I said. Alice studied the board,

"Oh, I guess I wasn't paying close enough attention." she commented.

-------------------------

The minutes turned to hours, and Alice and I successfully played thirty two games of chess before I even noticed the first light of a new day creeping above the tall buildings.

"I'm so tired..." I croaked. My voice was still so weak and it hurt to speak,

"Your voice sounds so weak, dear." Esme whispered from her spot next to Jasper. Jasper was asleep and the food network had changed to infomercials.

"Sorry." I whispered.

"Why on Earth are you sorry?" she asked. I shook my head,

"I...don't really know." I laughed an exhausted laugh and turned my attention to Carlisle. He was leaning against a wall, staring toward the doors that lead to the OR. His tie was wrinkled and his hospital badge dangled from the pocket of his black slacks. He had changed out of his stained shirt back in Forks, but I couldn't shake the image of him covered in Edward's blood from my mind. He had such a look of determination on his face that it was heartbreaking,

"Come on kiddo, you can do it." I heard him whisper softly.

"Any word?" Jasper said, as he woke up from his brief nap.

"Nothing." Esme said, smoothing a loose curl on Jasper's head. Esme was probably the kindest woman on the planet. She did so much for children that weren't even hers.

"They shouldn't be taking this long, I don't know what's going on. I know I said they needed to take their time but...I didn't imagine it would be this long." Carlisle said, pushing off the wall and making his way toward the rest of us. Esme pushed herself out of her chair and hugged Carlisle tightly,

"When will they be done?" she whispered.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know." he repeated over and over as he kissed her head sweetly.

We wouldn't have to wait long, though. Three minutes later a very tired looking surgeon, wearing blood soaked scrubs, approached Carlisle and sighed.

"Dr. Cullen?" he asked. Carlisle's eyes looked toward the ground as he answered,

"Yes." he replied, raising his gaze to meet the surgeon's weary eyes.

"Dr. Cullen would you mind taking a short walk with me, please?" he motioned for Carlisle to follow him, and the two doctors walked down the hall toward the OR.

Esme, Alice, Jasper, and I walked over close enough to see them, but not close enough to hear them.

Dr. Taylor turned to Carlisle and spoke with his hands. He nodded over and over again while the surgeon explained everything... and then Carlisle stopped. He stopped and he listened, and then I read Dr. Taylor's lips very closely,

"I'm sorry."

Carlisle backed up three steps and covered his mouth with his hand. Dr. Taylor laid a hand on his shoulder but Carlisle brushed him off. I heard Esme gasp beside me,

"Carlisle?!" she cried and ran forward,

"Come here, come here, we need to talk." I heard Carlisle call to her.

"I would like to speak with you again, when you're ready." Dr. Taylor said before walking off, probably to shower.

"What happened?!" I asked frantically. I rushed forward but Jasper's strong arm caught me,

"Let them talk for a moment." he said. Alice nodded,

"We'll know soon enough." she whispered.

Carlisle caught Esme in an embrace and I watched him whisper something to her...

and then she broke.

"Coma?! No! No, Carlisle, no, no, no. I-- I-- no...not my son, not Edward. No. no. no. Please, please, Carlisle, please." she begged.

"What am I supposed to to do? I can't fix this, I can't, I can't...I just...I can't." he whispered, holding tightly to her as she sobbed.

I wanted to crawl back in my hole and stay there. I wanted to break and scream and cry and do everything but deal with it.

But I had to deal with it.

Because Edward would want me to deal with it.

--------------------------

"What happened?" Alice croaked as we all sat in the cafeteria twenty minutes later. Esme was silent, Carlisle had given her an anxiety pill to calm her down and she was quietly waiting for it to work.

"There was too much pressure on his brain from the blunt force trauma. That's what Dr. Taylor kept saying over, and over. 'too much pressure', 'too much pressure', 'too much pressure'. When there is too much pressure on the brain it can cause the patient to lapse into a coma." Carlisle spoke quietly and quickly,

"But he can wake up, people in comas in movies wake up all the time." Alice said. Carlisle shook his head,

"Sweetie, it's not like that. He had a lot of pressure on his brain, it was a very bad bleed." he said,

"But it's Edward! He has to wake up!" Alice shouted. Jasper laid a hand on her shoulder,

"Shh, baby. Shh." he whispered. Just then, Dr. Taylor strode up to our table,

"Carlisle, have you considered what I suggested earlier?" he asked, without even acknowledging the rest of us.

"Dr. Taylor, I would very much appreciate it if you would discuss the matter with me privately, instead of in front of my family." Carlisle bit.

"What suggestion? Carlisle, what does he want?" Esme asked, looking from Dr. Taylor to Carlisle. Carlisle's eyes narrowed as he stared at Dr. Taylor, but spoke to Esme,

"Dr. Taylor, wants our son's organs. Now." Carlisle growled. There was a pause before Esme jumped in,

"What?" she bit,

"I have a kidney patient that is in need of a transplant immediately. Edward would be helping him so much." Dr. Taylor tried to explain, but it was too late.

"Edward is my son! How dare you!" Esme yelled. The cafeteria was empty save our little group, though I was sure would have unloaded just as much if there had been thousands of people present.

"Esme..." Carlisle whispered desperately,

"No! He's my son!" She shouted,

"And you need to let him go." Dr. Taylor whispered. Apparently those seven words were enough to send Carlisle into turbo father/husband mode.

Carlisle was loving, and kind, but he could be terrifyingly calm if need be.

This was one of those instances.

"You listen to me and you listen to me very carefully. You may speak to me that way but when you get my wife involved you have crossed the line. Edward is our son and we will discuss privately the best course of action to take." Carlisle stood from his seat and Dr. Taylor took a step back,

"Carlisle, your son is not going to wake up." he retorted. Carlisle jaw tightened,

"That might be the case but that is my family's business. You have absolutely no right barging in here and telling a boy's mother that you want her son's organs. NO. RIGHT. I took the same oath as you, Dr. Taylor, and I would have my stethoscope ripped away from me in an instant if any other doctor at MY hospital saw me speaking to a patient's mother in that tone. You listen to me, and you listen to me well, if you come within fifty feet of my wife or any of the children you see here I will go to the board of this hospital and I will report you. Thank you for all you've done for my son up to this point, doctor, but as of right now I'm suggesting Dr. Morgan take over his case. A mark of a good doctor is the amount of compassion he shows, you need to learn a bit more compassion. I am fully aware of the severity of my son's condition and I was just about to speak privately to my wife about what we should do, but that is none of your business. As of right now, Edward Cullen is still using his kidneys. He's my son, doctor...so piss off." Carlisle growled. I could have cheered.

Dr. Taylor nodded once,

"My apologies Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, I hope everything works out." he then turned, and marched from the cafeteria like a whiney high school girl.

Carlisle sighed and his eyes landed on me,

"Are you alright?" he asked,

"No." I replied.

"I didn't think so." he said. I liked the relationship Carlisle and I had formed. It was a quickly assembled relationship, but a very sturdy one. He understood my choices in when I spoke and when I didn't, and he knew that I was still very attentive and emotional even if I didn't verbally express it at all times.

"I don't want him to suffer." I heard Carlisle whisper.

"When can I see him?" I asked, my voice trembled with pain and emotion.

"Not for awhile. They're cleaning him up and getting him situated in a room. It'll be some time before we're allowed in." Carlisle said. I nodded and studied the can of soda in front of me,

"It's not fair." Esme whispered.

"I know." Carlisle said, pushing a strand of her hair out of her soft face.

"He loves her, he deserves to love her...they deserve time." she said, staring at me with her sad eyes.

"Shhh." Carlisle whispered, kissing her head softly.

I wanted to sob. Her words hit me like a ton of bricks and I wanted to lose it right then and there and cry and cry and cry. I wanted to thank her for finally saying the words, for finally telling me what I had been wondering the whole entire time.

Edward Cullen loved me.

I knew he did, he had signed it after all, but to hear someone else acknowledge it made it even more real and even more important.

Just then, I needed to get out of there.

"Esme, I nee to speak with you privately. Alice, Jasper, why don't you take Bella back to the hotel?" Carlisle said, rising from the table.

"If you don't mind I'm going to stay until I can see him." I said. Carlisle paused for a moment,

"Of course." he said. I needed to get out of the cafeteria, but I didn't feel like going back to the hotel. I didn't want to be that far from Edward, just in case he woke up.

"You know how to get back to the hotel?" Alice asked, laying a hand on my shoulder. The hotel was pretty much attached to the hospital and families of patients got a great discount,

"Yes." I said. She hugged me and left with a very tired Jasper in tow.

"Will you be alright?" Esme asked. I didn't know where I was going, but I needed to be away from the garish lights of the cafeteria and the loud hallways of the busy unit.

"I'll be fine." I whispered.

"I'll find you if anything changes." Carlisle said. The two left, I assumed to go discuss the best course of action to take with Edward's situation.

I quickly fled the bright cafeteria in hopes to find somewhere quiet, and dark. Maybe I would be able to find somewhere to get a few moments of sleep.

I rode the elevator down to the second floor and roamed the empty halls for a good fifteen minutes before I finally found the doors to the small hospital chapel. I had never really thought myself to be a woman of God. I had nothing against the concept, I just never really found the time to go. Also, people always tried to talk to me the few times I went to church and I didn't really like that.

I opened the thick wooden doors and found myself alone in a dark chapel with nothing but the dim lights of the altar and soft glow of candles to keep me company. I sighed contentedly and slipped into a back pew. My eyes suddenly became very heavy and I found myself lying down and curling up into a tight ball. I stared at the worn covers of the hymnals as I let myself slip away.

Finally, I could get a little bit of sleep.

Finally, I could let my mind wander.

Finally, I could rest.

My mind left my battered body behind and floated into the ether as I sunk into sweet unconsciousness.

I dreamt of nothing, and for once I was thankful for that. If I dreamt of the accident I would have been even more depressed. If I dreamt of a perfectly fine Edward then I would feel empty when I woke up and realized it was only a dream. The black abyss that presented itself felt so great.

I awoke sometime later to a soft hand on my hair,

"Hmm?" I halfway asked as I opened my bleary eyes.

It was Carlisle.

And he was crying.

"Carlisle? What's wrong?" I asked, sitting up quickly.

"I'm sorry if I'm interrupting. I just, needed to find some place to go for awhile." he whispered.

"Where's Esme?" I asked, looking around for Edward's mother.

"She's calling your father, just to check in." he said. I nodded,

"Would you like me to leave? I just came here to rest but if you need to pray..." I said. Carlisle shook his head,

"No, just looking for a bit of peace and quiet." Carlisle said.

"Me too, I just managed to fall asleep." I chuckled.

"You need sleep, everyone needs sleep. I could go for a good eight hours myself." he said. I could tell. The good doctor had dark circles under his eyes, and I could see deep lines in his forehead. He looked aged and haggard, and I felt so sad to see him in such a state.

"Carlisle, why are you crying?" I finally asked. He was silent, but stared at me with eyes that sparkled with tears,

"It's bad, isn't it?" I asked.

"Yes." he said.

I said nothing.

He sniffled a few times and we were silent for a good five minutes.

"Tell me." I finally said. I could tell he was hesitant, but that he knew I had every right to know everything.

But nothing could prepare me for what he would say.

...And nothing could stop me from the way I would react.

"We've decided to take him off life support." he whispered.

_"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts --** hope **always triumphs over **experience **-- laughter is the cure for grief --** love **is stronger than **death**." - Robert Fulghum._


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hello!!!! First off, let me apologize. I was hoping to get a lot done on this story once summer started but other matters took my time from me. I've been working on my book quite a bit and I am sorry that I have neglected you readers. I am also sorry that this chapter seems short, but the next chapter will be much longer. I finished this chapter while my boyfriend and I sat in the basement during a tornado warning (FUN! YAY!). I was going to do shout-outs butttt I have a couple other matters I need to address instead of doing shout-outs...I'll get to those next chapter. **

**First: I am pleased to say that Silence in the Stacks will have a sequel! I told myself that if this story reached 500 reviews I would write a sequel...so TADA! THANK YOU! You've made it possible**

**Second: I hate that I have to address this, but I need to remind everyone that this is an OOC story. I know that a lot of you think that they are rushing it taking Edward off life support but please read the first few paragraphs of this chapter and I hope you'll feel better. Please remember that this is OOC and fiction. I recently went through this exact situation with a loved one of mine (except that the accident happened at the gym...I was there) and some of the dialogue is actually things I said in the hospital. So, just breathe and I promise I will not wrong you in this story...it will be alright :) whatever happens. **

**Third, and most important: THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MOLLY. Molly, you don't know me but your story was brought to my attention by my very dear friend twi-ction (MEGAN! ILOVEYOU!), author of the AMAZING story "Collide". Let me just say that you are a fantastic inspiration and a wonderful person. The world needs more people like yourself and your mother. I wish you nothing but the best, and I am honored that you've enjoyed my story :) You've driven me to write more than I have in a long while, and I thank you for that.  
**

**READ AND REVIEW AND ENJOY! **

I couldn't feel anything but my stomach. My stomach felt like it was filled with lead, and I wanted to die. Carlisle was still speaking but I couldn't comprehend any of the words coming from his mouth. I couldn't even cry, I was that upset.

"No." I whispered. Carlisle ceased his rambling,

"I'm sorry?" he asked. I shook my head back and forth,

"No. No, no, no, no. You can't! Why?! You haven't given him enough time, you know he's a fighter! Please, please, please!" as soon as the flow of 'no's started I couldn't stop. Carlisle grabbed my wrist to stop me from bolting from the sanctuary.

"Bella, didn't you hear me?" he said, calmly. I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but compassion. I shook my head so violently that I was afraid my hair was going to kill him.

"No, I didn't." I choked. He tried to get me to calm down with lots of "shushing" but it really wasn't helping.

"We're giving him a week. A week Bella, we're giving him some time. Do you not think this was the hardest decision Esme and myself have ever made as parents? We'll never be the same. Edward is my son, whether I was there at his birth or not. Our days of smiling, and laughing, and being a family are over." he told me solemnly.

I wanted to cling to Carlisle and weep like a toddler with a scraped knee. The pain that ripped through me was immeasurable. I had no idea what to do, how to react, or what to say. I did know one thing, though....

I wanted Edward to live.

--------------------------------------------

Day One

-------------

I spent the rest of the day in Edward's hospital room. Doctors and nurses came in and out the entire afternoon to check on him. Nothing was changing, which could have been seen as both good and bad. He wasn't getting any worse, but he wasn't getting any better either.

I refused food Carlisle attempted to give me. I didn't want to eat anything, or go anywhere, or talk to anyone. I sat in the seemingly comfortable chair next to Edward's bed, with my knees drawn against my chest, watching. Alice and Jasper came, spent a few hours, tried to cheer me up, and left to get some food and sleep. Carlisle was in many times, mainly just to attempt to drag me from my statuesque state. I didn't want to leave, so he spent the time checking on Edward's ICP, and other stats.

"It would be so interesting if it wasn't Edward." I murmured at one point. Carlisle nodded,

"I know. It's always an interesting puzzle until it's your own child." he whispered. I bit my lip,

"Can he hear me?" I asked. Carlisle thought for a few moments,

"He probably can't...but it wouldn't hurt anything to try." he told me. I half-smiled and leaned forward, whispering low enough for Edward and I to both hear. I began telling him my entire life's story, including every painful little detail.

And that's how afternoon changed into night.

It was around eight thirty when I finally saw Esme. It dawned on me that I had not seen her at all for the entire day. I expected her to be at Edward's bedside for the entire week, but that had not been the case. Esme looked tired, and emotionally drained.

"Hi." she whispered. I tried my absolute best to smile, but knew it was no use. I wasn't fooling her, she knew I was upset beyond belief. My cheeks must have been tear stained and my hair was tangled all over the place.

"Hey." I said. My voice cracked, and I blushed. I chewed on my lip as I stared up at Esme,

"Oh! I'm sorry...would you like to sit down?" I asked. Esme smiled, and her tired eyes crinkled ever so slightly. She sat the small box she was holding on Edward's nightstand,

"No, actually I was wondering if you wanted to go take a walk with me. There is a nice courtyard downstairs...we could go grab some coffee and get some fresh air." she asked. I could deny Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper, but there was something about Esme that caused me to cave.

"What's that?" I asked, eyeing the small box. Esme chuckled a bit,

"I just thought that Edward would enjoy a little music so I bought this iPod hook up...thingie." she said. I opened the box carefully and extracted the speaker set. I plugged it in next to the lamp and dug in the bedside table for his iPod,

"Alice brought this in. I think she grabbed it from the apartment before we left Forks." I said, putting the iPod in the dock and turning it on. I hit shuffle and smiled, as the smooth tones of, "The World Spins Madly On" by the Weepies flowed through the speakers.

"My son, always the music enthusiast." Esme said and I smiled,

"This is a great song, and I'm betting that he's getting tired of hearing my voice...I really haven't shut up for awhile." I replied. Esme chuckled,

"Well, let's give him a break for awhile and go get coffee." she said, motioning for me to follow her. I sighed, not really wanting to leave Edward, but wanting to get some fresh air.

"Okay. I'll be back Edward, I promise." I said. The only response I received was the steady beeping of his monitors.

Esme and I escaped from the hospital rather quickly, and I was amazed at how relieved I was to be out in the fresh air. I had become so accustomed to the ammonia and latex smell of the hospital that I had forgotten how nice outside smelled, even if it was outside in the big city.

The courtyard was decorated with benches and yard lamps. It was obvious that the hotel staff had attempted to create a quiet space, unfortunately they hadn't taken into account the fact that the landing pad for the Life-flight helicopter was situated directly above the serene little area. So much for total peace and quiet.

I sipped my coffee slowly, enjoying the warm feeling it gave me. It reminded me of the first "date" Edward and I had enjoyed together. Everything had been so much easier then, before a truck driver had pummeled the sporty Volvo like chalk.

"Let's sit over here." Esme said, walking toward a bench in the center of the courtyard. We sat on the wooden bench, and didn't speak to each other for a few minutes. Despite the city life towering around us, small birds still hopped about hoping they would score a treat or two.

"So...how are things?" I said, stupidly. I shook my head at my own ridiculous remark. Esme chuckled warmly,

"Things have been better. Bella, I actually brought you out here to discuss the reasoning behind the decision Carlisle, and myself, have made regarding Edward." she said. I swallowed a large lump in my throat, not wanting to cry anymore, and not wanting to make Esme feel any worse than she already felt.

"Okay..." I squeaked. Esme sighed, and sat her coffee cup on the armrest next to her.

"I spent all day walking the city, trying to make sense of the entire situation in front of me. I thought of the wreck, and of you, and Edward's childhood. I thought of our seemingly perfect family, and how far I have come since my marriage with Edward's biological father. I thought of everything in a desperate attempt to make sense of why Carlisle and I had made the decision we did." Esme said. I was impressed with her ability to not break down in tears at the mere mention of her son's name. I was having a difficult time handling my own emotions,

"And what did you decide?" I asked, softly. Esme glanced up at the sky, as the helicopter whirled and took off to help another victim in need of attention.

"I decided that I would be a very selfish mother if I kept my son "alive" for my own selfish reasons. I have watched that helicopter take off four times today, and each time I thought, 'Every person that helicopter goes to help is either someone else' son or someone else's daughter.' Then I thought that this situation is not unique to me, there have been countless mothers that have had to make this horrific decision. I decided that I wanted to be one of the strong mothers to survive such a thing. I don't want to fail my family, my son, or myself. Edward would be appalled if he saw the way I reacted earlier, he would have laughed and would have told me not to worry." Esme's words were delivered in such a measured way, that I knew she was trying her hardest not to cry. I bit my lip and glanced at the sky, hoping that maybe the blinking lights of the city would give me some answers.

Esme sighed and I turned my eyes back to her,

"I keep replaying an incident that occurred a few years ago in my mind, as a way to calm myself down. Edward was around fifteen and his father had just returned home late from work one night. Edward never did sleep that well, especially when Carlisle wasn't in the house. He clung to Carlisle like a hero when he was a very small child, and admired him when he was a teenager. Edward always took Carlisle's advice seriously, and would usually stay up until his father came home from work so he could hear stories from the hospital. One night, Carlisle came home exhausted and upset. Edward and I were in the kitchen, playing cards and eating jalapeno poppers..." I gave her a questioning glance. Esme laughed,

"It was our thing. Anyway, Carlisle came in from the garage looking disheveled and exhausted. He quickly dropped his briefcase and rushed to Edward, hugging him tightly and kissing his disheveled hair. Carlisle then made himself a strong cup of coffee and proceeded to tell us this horrible story from his shift. A fifteen year old boy had been rushed in from the scene of an accident. He had been out Christmas shopping with his father when the car had lost control on the ice...I'm sure you can piece together what happened from there. The father would survive but the boy had been ejected from the car and had been placed on life support. Carlisle had spent eight hours trying to convince the mother that there wasn't any way she would have the son she knew and loved back in her life. The boy's ICP was so great that the deficits on his brain would have been astronomical if he were to ever wake up. Carlisle had explained to the mother that the boy would never eat on his own, or walk, ever again. The boy was comatose and his pressure just kept rising, and rising...but the mother never budged. She told Carlisle she would sit by his bedside until he woke up, and that she would not even consider taking him off life support. My husband tried to explain that his pressure was so high...but she wouldn't listen. Carlisle considered explaining to her how much it would cost to keep her son alive and, if he ever did wake up, how much therapy would cost and how insurance would drop them after awhile. Finally, the mother ordered Carlisle off her son's case and demanded a different doctor.

Carlisle finished his story and sipped at his coffee. Edward watched his father intently,

I'll never put you through that. Edward had whispered. It was such a simple statement, and I think it threw Carlisle off a bit. Edward went on to explain that he would never want to force us to make such a decision for him. He would never want to cause so much grief in our lives, or take up a bed in a hospital for such a pointless thing. He told us that, unless there was a glimmer of hope, he would not want to be kept on life support." Esme concluded her sad story, and managed to keep herself from crying. I, on the other hand, was sobbing into my coffee. I couldn't hold it in any longer and I wasn't afraid to cry in front of Esme,

"I'm sorry I reacted like I did to Carlisle, I didn't know." I wailed. Esme wrapped a protective arm around and attempted to calm me down,

"She, darling. It's alright, you couldn't have possibly known." she whispered.

"Is there a glimmer of hope?" I asked, weakley. Esme sighed and seemed to contemplate her answer for a bit.

"Edward's ICP isn't as drastically high as that boy's. I wanted to give him a week and Carlisle agreed. There is hope, as long as his ICP doesn't rise too high. If it gets above a certain level then we'll turn off the machines. For now, though, it's best to just rest and wait. I know it seems hard Bella, but it's all we can do." Esme said.

Rest.

Wait.

Hope.

-------------------------------------

Esme and I finished our coffee and returned to Edward's hospital room. Yiruma was drifting peacefully through the speakers when we walked in the room, and I was instantly reminded of just how exhausted I was.

"Bella, would you like me to take you back to the hotel?" Esme asked. I didn't want to leave,

"I want to stay." I croaked. Carlisle entered the room and his eyes widened at my exhausted form. I must have looked awful,

"Bella, you need to sleep. If anything changes tonight, I will call you. You need rest, sweetie...you need to be strong for Edward." he spoke softly. Carlisle should have read books on tape for a side job, his voice was so soothing.

"I just don't want him to think I don't love him." I whispered.

"Why on Earth would he think that?" Esme gasped. I shook my head,

"You're exhausted." Carlisle stated. I nodded,

"Yep." was all I said.

"Esme, if you want to stay here for awhile I'll take Bella to the hotel." Carlisle offered. Esme nodded and hugged me tightly,

"Go with Carlisle, I'll see you in the morning." she told me. I couldn't resist anymore, and I collapsed against Carlisle as he led me from the room.

"You're exhausted, kiddo. Esme hasn't been alone with Edward all day, I figured it was time to allow her to visit. Plus, you need to get some much needed sleep." Carlisle told me as we made the walk to the hotel.

"Mhm." I mumbled. Carlisle laughed,

"You'll be fine. I'll call you if anything drastic happens. For right now, it's looking better than we thought possible. Tonight I noticed that his pressure is dropping significantly, and if he stays on this path then....he might wake up." he said.

The next day would bring more news, and more possibilities. For the time being, all I could do was hope.

--------------------------------

Edward's POV

----------------------------------

I felt so strange.

I couldn't pinpoint where I was in time.

Where was I?

Where was Bella?

Was I dead?

Or would I be soon?

I couldn't feel my arms, or legs.

But my head, good God my head. I felt like two fucking huge mountains were crushing my skull and I couldn't push back.

I wanted to resurface, I wanted to call out, I wanted to scream until my lungs burned.

But I couldn't.

Just pull Edward, dammit, just pull. Pull yourself out of this damn darkness.

If I could pull myself out of the depths then I would be able to see Bella again.

If I could just resurface then my dad could help me the rest of the way.

I couldn't give up.

I wouldn't give up.

Bella needed me.

I tried with all my might to somehow push myself. I didn't know what was below me, or what I could push on. I had no sense of depth whatsoever, and that terrified me.

I was strong, I would live.

I had my mother to live for.

My father.

My sister.

And Bella.

I had Bella, and I loved her.

_Dad, I'm coming back. I'm trying. Don't give up on me, not yet._


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: OMG AN UPDATE?!?! WHAT IS THIS?!?! I have to apologize to all of you for being so extremely late on this update. It's been very hard to find the time to sit down and right something that is worth anything. For those of you who don't know, I've been in French class for the past 5 weeks and it has been tough. It was very fast paced and required most of my attention. In fact, I really haven't been on lj at all. So, I'm sorry for the tardiness of this update...and it's shortness...I'm tired and not ***TOO*** much happens in this chapter. Still, it's an update :). Thank you for all the emails, it makes me happy to know that I am missed (UNLESS YOU ARE JUST USING ME FOR MY STORY!?! ;D! I kid). Also, the emails about how this story has touched you are so amazing that I cannot even express. Those emails mean so much to me...so thank you! I'm fine, life is hectic, but I don't think that will ever change. Enjoy! I can't promise when the next update will be...but it hopefully won't take a month.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Jill

BOV

The water from the shower was absolutely scalding. I was sure my skin would be lobster pink by the time I emerged, but I didn't really care. I was enjoying the hot water, and the relative silence. The constant drum of the water against my skin and the shower tile had become a soothing melody. I was alone and I liked that. Not that I minded being constantly checked on, it was slightly endearing to know that people cared enough about me to make sure I was coping with everything sufficiently. Still, I needed the forty-five minutes I was taking in the shower to evaluate my emotions, and make sure I was all prepared for the day ahead.

It had been four days since my talk with Esme, and I was feeling a bit better each day. Edward was making steady improvement with each passing hour, and Carlisle kept making small remarks,

"I'll be damned, he's going to do it." he would whisper.

Edward's ICP was not spiking about the dangerous line like everyone feared it would. In fact, it was slowly lowering itself day by day, and that was apparently a very good thing. I tried my best to keep up with all of the jargon that the doctor's would throw at each other, but it was no use. I didn't understand most of what Carlisle was saying, so I relied on him to explain everything in his cool "books on tape" like voice so that I would freak out. He had been so very good with being patient with me, and I was so greatful. Everyone had been so good with me. If I didn't want to speak, I wasn't pushed, and if I wanted to be alone then I was left alone. Someone made sure I ate, and everyone always left me alone when I was with Edward. It was my time to be with him, and speak to him, and try to encourage him to pull through.

And it was working.

Today was the day Carlisle thought Edward would begin to wake up. Though Carlisle and Esme had agreed on a week, he was hoping that Edward was well enough that they wouldn't be forced to make the dreaded decision. No one wants to pronounce their own son's time of death. He wanted to see if Edward would be alright, he wanted everything to be perfect of course, but he knew there was still a chance Edward wasn't going to be the same Edward everyone was so very used to.

And that was terrrifying.

So, I thought it was a good idea to take a little time to myself to make sure I was fully prepared for what was in front of me for the day. Would Edward just open his eyes and be perfectly fine? Doubtful. I wasn't going to get my hopes up that he was just going to shoot up out of bed, demand a toothbrush, and drag me off to help him pick out a new Volvo. No, what I was hoping for was anything. An eye twitch, a breath, anything. I wasn't asking for the moon, I was simply asking for a glimpse of the clouds which hid it from view.

I slowly washed my strawberry scented shampoo from my long hair. I wasn't wanting to leave the safety of the hot shower, but knew that Alice was waiting to walk me to the hospital. I could see the steam rising in the small hotel bathroom and decided that I had sufficiently washed every inch of my body about thiry five times and that it was probably time to get dressed and head over to the hospital. With a sigh I switched of the delightful water and stepped from the slick shower. I turned on the fan and hastily wiped the steam from the large mirror. For a free hotel (for families of patients), it was actually very nice.

After brushing my teeth and drying my hair, I walked into the bedroom to find my jeans laid out and a tshirt with a note pinned to it,

"Thought you might like to wear this...it's one of his favorites. xoxo- Alice :)" I smiled at Alice's note and picked up the tshirt, inhaling deeply I took in his scent. I knew Alice had packed this shirt ahead of time, so it only smelled like Edward a little bit. Still, it reminded me of him and helped to keep my calm. I hooked my bra together and slipped on the soft Kings of Leon shirt.

"Hi Alice, thank you for the shirt." I spoke into a borrowed cell phone a few minutes later as I grabbed my hotel room key and closed the door behind me, "Yes, I'm on my way....okay...bye." I whispered. My voice was still getting used to being used and Carlisle kept making reassuring me that he would take a better look at my throat once we all made it back to Forks in one piece.

The day was bright and sunny, and it made me even more hopeful that the events of the day would play out like I was hoping. Alice seemed much more upbeat than she had been in the beginning, which also made me more optimistic. She bounced up and down as she spied me getting off the elevator,

"Come on! I want to see how he's doing today. I have a good feeling, and my feelings are rarely wrong." she said, matter-of-factly. She spun in her sundress and led me out of the revolving door of the hotel and into the bright day.

The walk to the hospital was always calming. The designers obviously made it a point to add calming effects along the path from the hotel. It was nice to be able to calm down, think about what could be waiting for me, and enjoy the nice trees and fountain.

I would concentrate on anything just as long as I didn't think about the smell.

I absolutely loathed the smell of the hospital. It about made me gag everytime I stepped through the door. There was just something about the smell of the cleaners and medication that made my stomach flip. I guess, to me, the smell made the place feel even more cold and industrial. To some it smelled clean, to me it smelled of uncertainty and latex.

-------

No matter how many times I walked into Edward's hosptial room, my skin still prickled everytime I saw him. The tape and tubes made him look like an alien, and his skin was so pale that it was almost transparent. Still, for as bad as he still looked, he looked a thousand times better than he had right after the accident. He didn't look as dead as he had.

"Good morning, darling." Esme said, rising from the chair at Edward's bedside to give me a giant hug. I smiled and breathed in her motherly scent,

"Good morning." I whispered.

"How is he today? I have a good feeling about today, I think today he might do something." Alice blabbered,

"Like what? Do a backflip and scream 'Hallelujah'? Or beat you senseless for using his credit card to buy porn? You know, old memories can resurface after one wakes up from a coma...if I were you I'd stay out of the reach of his arm." Carlisle said, stepping into the room.

Alice's jaw dropped, and she was speechless.

"Yeah, I know about the porn and don't give me that look...I'm really not as old as you make me out to be. Close your mouth, they try and keep this hospital cool and all your hot air is messing with the temperature." Carlisle quipped.

"Wow, two for two." I muttered, Esme laughed and Alice looked ill.

"You seem in a very good mood this morning." Esme smiled at her husband,

"I just have a great feeling." he whispered.

So did I.

"Bella, I was actually wondering if I could speak with you in private? I know you just got here and would probably like to spend some time with Edward, but it's a bit important." Carlisle said. I looked at Edward,

"I'm sorry, I'll be back...I promise." I whispered and kissed his forehead. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw his hand stir...

Carlisle and I walked along the corridor in search of one of the lounges,

"I know there's one around here, ah yes..." Carlisle took a sharp right and we found ourselves in a poorly lit lounge that smelled like old coffee.

"What do you need to talk about?" I asked, sitting down on one of the horribly uncomfortable couches. Someone needed to tell hospitals that plastic couches weren't very comfy.

"It's about Edward, and the very real possibility that he may wake up from this." he began. I nodded and absentmindedly ran my fingers over the water-stained magazines.

"I thought that was a good thing." I said. Carlisle rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger...

Like father like son...

"It is. It's a very, very, very, good thing. I just, ugh--, how do I put this? I need you to know that he might not be Edward like we know Edward. It's possible that he doesn't kno you or me or anyone. He might think he's seven, or fifteen, and that can seem a little strange and hurtful at first. I want you to know he's not meaning to hurt your feelings, if he doesn't recognize you. It's not his fault, it's just that his brain is still healing and certain parts might not work correctly at first." he explained,

"I know and, trust me, I've thought of it. It's scary, but it's mangeable." I whispered. Carlisle sighed,

"Bella, I want you to know that you aren't...responsible for Edward. Does that make sense?" It really didn't,

"No." I stated. Carlisle scrunched his eyebrows, trying his hardest to think of the right way to phrase his statement,

"If you don't think you can handle what might come, you aren't tied down...you can leave." he said. I shook my head immediately,

"No, I love Edward...I am staying. I love him, I know that might be hard to imagine because we haven't been together for years...but we've been through enough to know that I love him. I am not leaving him. He would be at my bedside day in and day out if I was the one in his situation. I can handle anything that is thrown my way, and that includes him not recognizing me. I promise I will not leave. He's helped me realize a lot about myself, and I'm not leaving him just because things might get rough." I retorted. Carlisle stared at me for a moment,

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you." he whispered. I nodded,

"It's alright, you're just trying to do what's best for me and your family." I said. Carlisle nodded,

"It's just very hard." he said.

"Yes." I replied.

And it was...

It was hard day in and day out, not knowing what the next hour would bring. One started to think of time as a slow, ticking, bitch. You never knew what would happen within the course of an hour, and then you would start thinking about how you had to get through sixty minutes, or so-and-so number of minutes, etc.,

It was very hard.

But I would do whatever it took to be with Edward. He had showed me myself more than anyone had ever tried...and I would be grateful for that until the day I died.

Carlisle and I made it back to Edward's room and I took my usual seat at his bedside. Then, I started my normal routine of trying to slowly coax him back into reality.

"I'm right here, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." I whispered.

---------------

EPOV

----------------

I felt as if Bella was right beside me. In the darkness, the feeling that someone I loved was close by was worth more than anything in the entire world. The abyss around me felt cold and terrifying. I wanted to see Bella, to feel her, and kiss her. But more than anything, I wanted to hear her.

Usually, the only woman's voice I heard on a daily basis was Alice's. Come to think of it, the surrounding areas probably heard Alice's voice as well...she should really consider making a career as an alarm clock/tornado warning.

I wanted Bella to speak to me...anything. I would take a "Hi"...Hell, I would take a, "I hate you, please find a fire and die in it. And, if you don't die in the fire please go jump into a lake, have someone light it on fire and drown while burning." I just really wanted to hear her voice.

Still, I didn't know if I was alive ore not. For all I knew, I was dead. That damn truck had slammed into us so hard that I feared I was nothing more than shreds of a human. I was also terrified that Bella was hurt, or dead.

I needed to know that she was okay.

I needed to know that she was alive.

I needed to know if I was alive.

I needed to pull myself out of the damn oblivion that I found myself hanging in.

I felt like I was being pulled back, deeper and deeper into cool blackness. But then, something began to pull me upwards. Slowly, like I was on a fishing line and the fisherman didn't want his line to break.

I kep thinking of Bella and her smile

...of her hair and how she smelled of strawberries

...of her timidness

...of her brilliance.

And I thought of my love for her...and how that, if anything, would drive me to keep pulling.

Would I live?

Would I see Bella again?

Would I see my family?

The blackness around me felt like it was closing in from all sides. I began to panic as I began to feel more and more claustrophobic. I was almost sure this was the end, I was dying and I would soon be thrown in Hell...or perhaps I would get to go to Heaven.

Did either actually exist?

Was this it?

And if so, was this what I would feel for all eternity? This darkness?

I would rather feel nothing.

But, if this was it and I was dead...why was everything suddenly getting brighter?

Why could I feel?

I kept tugging, kept pushing, trying to feel my way toward the light.

Then, I broke the surface.

--------------------------------

Bella's POV

------------------------------

I stared in disbelief at the sleepy, half-opened eyes in front of me,

"Oh my god." I whispered, my voice catching painfully in my throat.

His eyes were open.

He was staring at me.

"Oh..my..god." I whispered again. Surprise flooded me, and every inch of my skin prickled with excitement and fear,

"Edward." I breathed.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Yeah...I suck. I wish I could spend 50,000 words apologizing, but you would probably rather just get to the story. For those of you who has stuck by this and still subscribe, I thank you. The last four months have been a whirlwind of interesting/stressful/magnificent/WTF?! moments. I will give you the condensed version: When I last left you guys I was getting ready to leave for Vegas with my boyfriend and his family. Whilst on vacation he proposed! OMG WTF?! Yeah, I wasn't expecting it at all and it was adorable/perfect and now I'm planning our wedding and I didn't realize what all went into that kind of prep. So we're engaged, we're moving, I'm doing the whole school thing, getting ready to take my Praxis exam, and dealing with a few other issues. But, that is no excuse for leaving you all hanging. At the moment, the Twilight fandom is HUGE! Like, scarily huge and a part of me has to separate myself from the pandaemonium surrounding it and focus on my characters. Also, if you enjoy Doctor Who I'm planning on writing a fic for that soon. As for when the next update will be...I cannot say. This story is begging to be finished, I have enjoyed it very much, but to rush a chapter just for the sake of it being done seems cruel. I hope with the end of the semester approaching I will have more time to work on it. Still, I might just sleep all break in preparation for my new nephew (my fiance's sister is having a baby), and preparation for the coming semester. Again, I want to apologize to all of you. You are a terrific fanbase and I look forward to hearing from you all. I don't know if it was a planned event, but I was bombarded with a slew of emails the other day and that warmed my heart. Now, without further interruption I give you the highly anticipated update.

Enjoy!

xoxo

-Jill

PS - As always, there is really bad language, and I'm not a doctor so what Edward is experiencing is probably not 100% accurate. I don't own these characters.

* * *

**EPOV**

I wanted to yell, I wanted to shout my thanks to the high heavens that Bella was sitting right in front of me. I could make out a blurred vision of her. Like I was looking through frosted glass.

She was speaking. Her voice was smooth and quiet, like a calm wind moving across the sea, but it also sounded as if I was submerged under said sea. Everything was muffled and annoying. Still, I could make out what she was saying and I wanted to grab her and hold her to my chest and sob.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't speak.

I couldn't move.

My throat and chest were tight and every inch of my body felt like it was alight with blue flame.

I felt royally fucked.

Fuck you Fate. Fuck you, you fucking fucker.

I was alive, but I couldn't express it. I could move my eyes and blink, I could see blurred objects around me. It was obvious I was hurt, but I didn't quite remember what had happened. I remember the truck, and glass, and blood, and silence. As for what had happened afterwards, I had no idea. Perhaps I didn't want to know, maybe that was a story best left under-wraps.

I could feel the bandages around my extremities on my upper body. I could feel the giant dildo of a breathing tube in my throat, moving my chest for me.

Bella.

I needed to feel her, to make sure she was real. I wanted to know her injuries, and how I could help.

I looked at her through my bleary eyes, hoping for my eyesight to adjust itself. Seeing the world this way was sure to make me violently ill, and if alcohol wasn't involved in creating said blurred vision and nausea well, that just wasn't very fair.

The Bella Blur was moving closer, her tiny hand (at least I hoped it was a hand...it was a hand or a flipper.) was outstretched, making it's way for my cheek...

She brushed her fingertips across my skin, and my cheek burned with pain.

What the fuck?!

She moved quickly then, and I heard her panicked voice call for my father.

"CARLISLE!" she shouted. I could imagine my father leaping up from whatever he was doing, The Bella Blur's loud call had probably scared him.

My family. I wanted to see them, I wanted to hear my father's calm voice reassuring me that everything was going to be alright. I wanted to see my mother's kind eyes and her warm smile. Hell, I wanted to hear Alice's voice if someone would record it and slow it down to human speed for me.

"What is it?" Carlisle ran into the room.

DundundunDUN!!

"Oh my god...Edward." he breathed.

_Nope, Benicio Del Toro...but nice try Dad. _God, I was an asshole without the ability to function in any way shape or form.

"Has he moved?" Carlisle asked.

_Danced a jig, got sleepy, sat back down. _Maybe I do deserve to be paralyzed.

"No, he's just moved his eyes. Carlisle, what does this mean?" Bella asked frantically.

"It means that we're on to something." Carlisle said. He moved quickly about the room, searching drawers for medical equipment he needed. He leaned over the side of the bed with a penlite and passed it over my open eyes.

"Edward, can you hear me?" He asked.

_Yes, and that light is way too damn bright. _

I tried my hardest to shout. I felt so trapped that it was about to send me into a panicked frenzy. I hated feeling claustrophobic, and this was the epitome of it.

"Son, if you can hear me blink twice." he commanded.

I fluttered my eyes twice.

"Yes!" Carlisle cheered.

"Carlisle, what is it?"

My mother was here, thank you, thank you.

"Edward! Oh my god! Carlisle, is he awake?" she asked. Carlisle Blur was quickly moving around me, looking into my eyes.

"His pupils are responsive. His ICP is way down. This is promising, oh this is fantastic." Carlisle said.

_It would be even more fantastic if I could move anything below the waist. I really hope I don't have a massive boner or anything. THAT would be embarrassing. _

"What do we need?" Esme asked frantically.

"More time. We just need more time. Now it turns into a waiting game. I'm going to get the doctor." Carlisle said, leaving the room with my mother in tow.

Then it was just Bella and I.

There was so much I wanted to say to her, but I was trapped inside a broken body with a brain that still felt half fuzzy. I wanted to tell her that I did love her....but it wouldn't come out. Was I stuck like this forever? Was I stuck in this shell for all eternity? And was I selfish for desiring death above this? I didn't want to be a burden to Bella and my family if I couldn't even wipe my own ass. I didn't want to leave Bella behind to always wonder 'what if', but I didn't want to continue on in this vegetative state. I wanted answer, I wanted to move, I wanted to speak.

But all I could do was wait.

Bella was so silent as she moved slowly closer to me. My father had been acting like such a spaz and he tried his best to make sense of my situation, that Bella's fluid movements were a welcome relief.

"I'm sorry." she whispered.

_Why?_

"I know you can't speak, or move, or really communicate. I'm sorry that this horrible accident happened and now all we can do is wait. I wish I had more answers but I don't. All I can tell you is that I promise not to go anywhere, and that I will be with you every step of the way. You have showed me so much happiness in such a short period of time. I never thought I would speak again, I never wanted to. But you brought out so much in me. It hurts to speak, it burns my throat, but it's all I have to offer you. I want you to know how much I care, how much I....love you. I love you and I'm never going to leave you. I promise." Bella said.

I wanted to cry.

If I could just move my fingers a few inches I could grasp her hand. _Come on dammit, come on, move! Move! Do it! AH!!_

It was the most frustrating thing I had ever gone through.

Trapped.

"Edward?" An unfamiliar male voice and an extra blur entered the room. I assumed it was my doctor, and I was a bit apprehensive about what he was going to do.

"He can't respond." Bella replied, and I detected a bit of sarcasm in her voice.

_That's my girl._

"I didn't think you did, either." the doctor bit.

_I will kill you._

"Carlisle, I'd like to get him up for another scan...if that's alright with you. His eyes being open, and his low ICP make me hopeful. I want to see just where exactly he stands." the doctor suggested.

"Of course. Whatever needs to be done to be sure." Carlisle said.

Everything moved very quickly then, and I felt dizzy as I was steered from the room, backed onto the elevator, and wheeled into the MRI room.

The machine was loud, so I closed my eyes and just drifted...

* * *

Where I found myself was absolutely beautiful. The sky was cloudless and blue and the grass rippled in the soft, warm breeze. There was a tree not a hundred paces in front of me, and I felt myself walking towards it without even thinking.

Beneath the low hanging branches stood a young girl. Her hair was dark, and long, and it lifted weightlessly in the wind.

"Hi." I said as I approached. I was free of all machines and tubes, I could walk and talk, and I felt fantastic.

"Hello." the little girl said. Her dress was a soft green, and she was a barefoot.

"Who are you?" I asked, trying hard not to be rude.

"That doesn't matter." she told me.

"Of course it does, everyone has a name." I replied.

"You have to hang on." mystery kid said, totally evading my name question.

"I'm sorry?" I said, thinking that I had misheard her quiet words.

"Hang on. You have to hang on." she repeated.

"I intend to." I reassured her. She shook her tiny head,

"You have to try harder. If you don't hang on, he'll get her."

That struck a chord with me.

"Who will get who?" I asked.

"He will get her." she repeated.

"I won't let go, I promise. Who will get her? Are you talking about Bella?" I asked.

"Hold on." she said.

"Who are you?" I asked again. I was starting to feel panicked.

"I won't exist. Nothing will exist. Hold on. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Wake up." she said.

"Edward wake up."

Everything was dissolving

"Wake up."

The little girl dissolved and her voice morphed into the strong voice of the doctor,

"Edward...open your eyes."

I did as I was told.

I was shaken, I was confused.

But I knew that I had to hold on. I had to be strong and I had to fight this. I would not lose.

And Bella would be fine.


End file.
